Should I be worried?

ImessedUp

Long story as short as possible.
Had a friendship with a colleague which has turned sour. During friendship she behaved inappropriately with a friend of my husband during an evening out. This was quite a while ago.
Friendship turned sour with a clash at work a few months ago.
Have since been told by man in question that he has an STD.
Relationship with colleague is now not such that I can warn about the situation.
I told a couple of people at work hoping that they would let her know.
They did and she has put in an official complaint against me that is now being investigated.
I am extremely worried - have no idea what I can be disciplined for but am so worried that this could cost me my job.

Bogalot

Yes, you have completely messed up. What on earth made you think it was ok to tell people your colleague might have an STD? That's a horrible thing to do, horrible.

How long have you worked there? I expect you will be disciplined for bullying. I hope in the interim you have contacted your ex friend to apologise.

(I'm hoping this is a joke.)

Andypandyboy

Regardless of the state of your relationship with her if you felt compelled to tell anyone it should have been her. If you really felt she should know and were not simply being malicious then a factual note/letter sent to her would have done the job.

ImessedUp

Its not a joke. I'm sorry. And I actually did it with the best of intentions. Its no secret that she is promiscuous, We are entertained with her stories of her night life on a daily basis. I hoped that the two people I told would tell her so that she could get herself checked out.

I know I have messed up - Its right there in my title. I have worked there for a number of years. I fully expect to be desciplined but wanted to know if I could be sacked for it?

I cant tell you how worried I am and I am sorry. And no I havent apologised to her, I doubt very much that she would accept it anyway

Raspberry_Queen

I fully appreciate your concern for the woman, as her health is the most important thing. But it wasn't the best idea to tell colleagues as it would have basically let them know (and anyone they decided to tell) about her casual sexual encounter as well as potentially having an STD. I know you meant well but you've accidentally turned her into the subject of embarrassing gossip. You haven't done anything morally wrong, just not very tactful, and the woman is humiliated about her behaviour being exposed so she has over-reacted.

The best thing you can do is apologise and let her and your superiors know that it wasn't malicious, you were trying to be helpful. You knew she needed to know about his STD but you no longer had the kind of relationship were you could discuss these things, so you told people who did. You didn't think ahead about how these extra people knowing could cause embarrassment. It was an innocent mistake. Another thing is to ensure these other colleagues keep the information to themselves to avoid the gossip spreading further, and to show that it was not your intention to embarrass the woman.

I'm not an employment expert, but I doubt you would lose your job, as everybody makes mistakes sometimes. How messy it gets depends on the woman's motivations for complaining about you. If she is being truthful I think she could only accuse you of bullying. I think as long as you show that you were trying to be helpful and be apologetic, you should be fine, and everyone can put this embarrassing incident behind them (and hopefully the woman will get tested).

If she is trying to complain about you in an attempt to deflect from her promiscuous behaviour and possible STD, she could be claiming that you are making up lies about her. You will still have to ensure that your superiors know that you had her health in mind and did not mean any embarrassment, but you may have to deal with her throwing extra things at you if she is intent on denying the encounter with STD man.

Jamiesmum

Why didn't you just tell her? Facebook/email/text/phone call, didn't even need to be face to face.
You've told '2' people, who will probably tell someone else, who will probably tell someone else...and so it spirals and now regardless of how much people know of her private life, it's not fair to spread what is effectively a rumour that she may have an STI (no proof - rumour).

It's the guy with the STI's responsibility to tell her anyway, nothing to do with you.

You only regret it because your jobs on the line - no other reason.

I don't know if you could be sacked for it, it depends. If she or anyone else adds anything on top of this then potentially they could build a bullying case against you. Have you done anything similar in the past, hows your work record in general?

elsien

The man in question disclosed to you in the workplace that he had an STD? But then couldn't bring himself to have the conversation with the woman he'd slept with? So he can !!!! her, but not talk to her? Nice guy.

On your side, you really shouldn't have had the conversation in the first place, let alone tell other people.
You need to take responsibility, apologise profusely and try to convince them that you won't do anything so silly in future.

When you say you had a clash at work some time ago, was there anything official that might impact on this now? As in, is this a one off or part of an ongoing issue between the two of you that bosses might need to take a bit more seriously?

How long have you worked there for?

I can't see it being something you'd be sacked for as a one off, although I'm no expert.

Bogalot

ImessedUp wrote: »

Its not a joke. I'm sorry. And I actually did it with the best of intentions. Its no secret that she is promiscuous, We are entertained with her stories of her night life on a daily basis. I hoped that the two people I told would tell her so that she could get herself checked out.

I know I have messed up - Its right there in my title. I have worked there for a number of years. I fully expect to be desciplined but wanted to know if I could be sacked for it?

I cant tell you how worried I am and I am sorry. And no I havent apologised to her, I doubt very much that she would accept it anyway

If she wishes to tell people what she gets up to that is her choice. That does not excuse your behaviour. This is none of your business, the most you should have done is told the man involved to contact her.

You could be dismissed for this, yes. The employer will listen to your explanation, but they'll also look at the severity of what you have done, and whether you have made your position untenable, is it fair or possible for the two of you to work together as a result of your actions?

TBagpuss

How your employers deal with this is going to be down to their judgment as to how serious it is, which may in turn depend to a considerable extent on what they (and the victim) perceive your motives to have been.

I think you may have a problem in that your explanation doesn't sound very convincing (I'm not saying that it is not true - people do odd things all the time) - first of all, it was absolutely none of your business to tell anyone anything, secondly, if you really thought she should know, you could have sent her an e-mail, left a (sealed) note on her desk (anonymous or not, as you preferred) or even just mentioned in her hearing that your husband's friend 'Name' had contracted an STD but was refusing to tell his former partners about it so they could get themselves checked out.

I suspect that your best course of action will be to accept, when you meet with your manager, that you accept that you should not have said anything to your colleagues and that the subject should not have been brought up in the workplace at all.

Unless you have had other recent disciplinary issues I would expect them to give you a warning, and perhaps require you to apologise to the individual concerned rather than anything more serious.

ImessedUp

elsien wrote: »

The man in question disclosed to you in the workplace that he had an STD? But then couldn't bring himself to have the conversation with the woman he'd slept with? So he can !!!! her, but not talk to her? Nice guy.

On your side, you really shouldn't have had the conversation in the first place, let alone tell other people.
You need to take responsibility, apologise profusely and try to convince them that you won't do anything so silly in future.

When you say you had a clash at work some time ago, was there anything official that might impact on this now? As in, is this a one off or part of an ongoing issue between the two of you that bosses might need to take a bit more seriously?

How long have you worked there for?

I can't see it being something you'd be sacked for as a one off, although I'm no expert.

No, he doesnt work there. He is a friend and is very married.
Work are aware of our "problems" and have both previously received slaps on the wrist for a spat.
I have worked there for 4 years

marliepanda

ImessedUp wrote: »

No, he doesnt work there. He is a friend and is very married.
Work are aware of our "problems" and have both previously received slaps on the wrist for a spat.
I have worked there for 4 years

What is the difference between 'married' and 'very married'


Do 'very married' people sleep with other people and get STD's? Best make sure not to get 'very married' then.


If work are aware of your problems and previously spoken to you about them, discussing her sexual health in the office is not going to be looked upon well.