EH - Essex > Hebrides...the next step of the adventure?

EssexHebridean

Morning all. Hope everyone's weekend was wonderful!

I confess I'm feeling a bit "adrift" about the forum today following on from a comment from another poster on a different thread yesterday. I've only ever posted on here for two reasons - 1) to ask for help and support myself - which I have had IN SPADES, may I say, and always been grateful for, and 2) to try to offer that same help and support to others - however what I WON'T do - I'd go as far in fact as to say CAN'T do - is to sit back, watch someone making massive mistakes, and pat them on the head and say "well done" for that. I've always been committed to the Money saving stuff from my own perspective - if you're on here regardless of your circumstances I think it's important to take it seriously - as soon as you start "playing at it" it turns into a bit of an insult to those who may be struggling on a whole different level to you, is my view. The very fact that I got the help myself when I started out on here 10 years ago is what makes me want to "give something back" - and I know from the comments and thank you's from new posters who's thread's I've contributed to that I'm seen to have done a good job of offering advice etc in the past. It nearly made me cry recently when someone who'd been a member for a while but had only just asked for help said that they had "hoped I'd comment on their thread" - what a nice thing to say. Apologies, this has turned into a ramble filling in the background - not what I intended. The short of it is, I'm wondering whether I should "butt out" of other's diary threads on here - when I started posting on the diaries board it was essentially an extension of the main DFW board and so it was accepted that people would cheer, support, help and occasionally administer a virtual kick up the behind if they could see mistakes being made - but I'm wondering whether a change has been made to diary threads now being expected to be "cheerleader" threads where constructive criticism isn't what is required. Personally I don't see the point of that - but it may be that I'm behind the times a bit in terms of the way things have moved on here.

I'm honestly unsure where to go from here - I'll probably continue to post on Stripes & Cheery's threads - they are both "real life" friends and I know them well enough that they would certainly tell me personally if my input was no longer welcome - but as things stand I'm not feeling confident enough to post on other diary threads I don't think. I'll leave subscriptions in place for the time being and will continue reading a lot, I'm sure, while I make up my mind what to do. I'll certainly still be posting on the main DFW board as well. I've always been happy to give up time to post on diary threads on here to support and help, and have always tried to do that to the best of my knowledge and ability, and with kindness, tact, and above all, respect, so being made to feel like some kind of "virtual bully" who adminsters "on-screen batterings" is certainly not what I've ever wanted, and indeed I'm truly horrified and upset to think that my comments have come across that way.

Hiddenidenity

Don't stop posting, you've given me invaluable advice and I'll be forever grateful for. I think sometimes it's hard to see how the comments are given online and thing's come across harsher than maybe they would in an actual conversation. Hope this makes sense. ETA I also appreciate the constructive criticism, plus the odd kick up the rear. I think it helps when someone 'on the outside' takes a look and gives advice and then I can think, hmm you know what that's right, I'll try that etc. I also don't think the comment you mentioned was in regards to you if you take a read back you'll notice a few 'new' members comments were more of a bashing than a stop look at this and try this if that makes sense x

You have helped on so many diaries and the posts on the main boards and I still find myself taking some of the replies you leave to others onboard.

As for butter.. I miss real butter :rotfl:

enthusiasticsaver

Don't stop posting EH. I think it is hard to sit back and watch others make mistakes but I have always thought your advice is right on the money.

I have sometimes inadvertently upset some diary writers myself and all you can do is accept that some are occasionally not ready for hearing some things but I think we would be wrong to sit back and say nothing if we can see some are digging themselves into a bigger hole but not ready yet to make the changes to avoid it. This is a forum for encouragement yes but also advice from those who have been there and seen what can happen if the debt is not addressed. That is all you did yesterday if it is on the diary I think you are talking about. I also think the comment was not just addressed to you and maybe the OP was just feeling a bit attacked from several people.

redofromstart

Although I have been on MSE since the very early days, I'm very new to the debt free boards, and as such read and ponder more than offer advice because I just don't have the knowledge.

I thought hard before I started my own because I just don't (currently) have the horrendous all consuming challenges that some of the other diarists do, and I feel almost guilty to be taking up space. When we were up to our eyeballs I just kept my head down and battered on, and it was only in the final days that I signed up, and that was mostly to keep me on track.

I would miss your comments on my diary, and would hope that you carry on calling in.

Tea&Kittens

Don't stop posting EH! I've enjoyed your comments on my diary
I hope you'll stop by and say hi / eat a virtual cheese scone or something .... and feel free to give me a virtual kick up the behind if you think I need it! Part of the reason I joined here and shared my diary was so I feel more accountable, and having someone who has been through the rough giving me pointers, or highlighting where things might improve is going to be a damn sight more helpful than if nobody says anything!
T&K xx

EssexHebridean

Hiddenidenity wrote: »

Don't stop posting, you've given me invaluable advice and I'll be forever grateful for. I think sometimes it's hard to see how the comments are given online and thing's come across harsher than maybe they would in an actual conversation. Hope this makes sense. ETA I also appreciate the constructive criticism, plus the odd kick up the rear. I think it helps when someone 'on the outside' takes a look and gives advice and then I can think, hmm you know what that's right, I'll try that etc. I also don't think the comment you mentioned was in regards to you if you take a read back you'll notice a few 'new' members comments were more of a bashing than a stop look at this and try this if that makes sense x

You have helped on so many diaries and the posts on the main boards and I still find myself taking some of the replies you leave to others onboard.

As for butter.. I miss real butter :rotfl:

Hidden thank you for those lovely comments - appreciated, massively.

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

Don't stop posting EH. I think it is hard to sit back and watch others make mistakes but I have always thought your advice is right on the money.

I have sometimes inadvertently upset some diary writers myself and all you can do is accept that some are occasionally not ready for hearing some things but I think we would be wrong to sit back and say nothing if we can see some are digging themselves into a bigger hole but not ready yet to make the changes to avoid it. This is a forum for encouragement yes but also advice from those who have been there and seen what can happen if the debt is not addressed. That is all you did yesterday if it is on the diary I think you are talking about. I also think the comment was not just addressed to you and maybe the OP was just feeling a bit attacked from several people.

I think we've all been there in terms of having things taken the wrong way ES, and having upset people that way. And that's fine - it's difficult sometimes the way things can come across in writing when you've not got the "softeners" of tone of voice and facial expression to get a true meaning over. There was something particularly hurtful about the wording that was chosen by the OP on that diary though - it felt as though whereas the advice that had been given was kindly meant, the reaction to it was intended to wound, and frankly that really doesn't sit well with me. I unsubscribed from the thread immediately as you can probably imagine, and shan't be returning. I rather think my time is probably spent elsewhere, I'm not and never will be a good "head patter".

redofromstart wrote: »

Although I have been on MSE since the very early days, I'm very new to the debt free boards, and as such read and ponder more than offer advice because I just don't have the knowledge.

I thought hard before I started my own because I just don't (currently) have the horrendous all consuming challenges that some of the other diarists do, and I feel almost guilty to be taking up space. When we were up to our eyeballs I just kept my head down and battered on, and it was only in the final days that I signed up, and that was mostly to keep me on track.

I would miss your comments on my diary, and would hope that you carry on calling in.

Redo thank you - and I totally get what you mean about it being a tough decision on starting a diary because of the circumstances - I nearly didn't start this one, but to be honest I find (well usually!) posting on here SO helpful and love the community spirit that we (mostly!) have here too. I've always been very open about the fact that "technically" I don't "belong" here these days, but that while people feel I've got something to offer I'd like to stick around. I'd love to continue posting on your diary though Redo - thank you for the reassurance (and all the cheese chat!)

OK - a lot of thinking done and probably more to do. The problem I have is that I've never been someone who just posts on my own diary and rarely elsewhere - I post more "elsewhere" in fact! The idea of just coming in here, posting on my thread and going away again, or putting the occasional largely meaningless platitude elsewhere - no, that's not for me, it would feel pointless aside from anything else, plus my reason for being here still IS at least in part to be able to give something back, as I said. Hmmm. There is of course the point that I'd miss you lot - we have some laughs, don't we!

I'm not going anywhere immediately anyway - and as I said, I'll still be reading even if I'm not necessarily commenting.

EssexHebridean

Tea&Kittens wrote: »

Don't stop posting EH! I've enjoyed your comments on my diary
I hope you'll stop by and say hi / eat a virtual cheese scone or something .... and feel free to give me a virtual kick up the behind if you think I need it! Part of the reason I joined here and shared my diary was so I feel more accountable, and having someone who has been through the rough giving me pointers, or highlighting where things might improve is going to be a damn sight more helpful than if nobody says anything!
T&K xx

T&K you snuck in there while my back was turned. Thank you lovely - your final sentence there basically sums up what I've always felt that DFW Diaries should be all about.

And if you're going to tempt me with cheese scones,....well!

Hiddenidenity

So now you all can talk of real cheese and real butter :rotfl:

Seasidegal58

I've come out of lurkdom to echo everyone else! I always enjoy reading what you have to say and think you give excellent advice - both on the diaries and main debt forums. Sometimes I wonder how you get the time to post all you do! Must have supersonic fingers! Anyway thought I'd add my pennysworth and look forward to plenty more EH posts!
SSG x

DebtFreeDuo

Please don't stop posting, I feel exactly the same as the newbie you described in your post in that you are one person I would want commenting on my diary, I love your approach and if I see a post written by you I will always stop to read it rather than skimming through other posts. Your input here in invaluable in my opinion.