Financially stuck in relationship

Carol2013

I've removed my post as its clearly not the best place for it.

DUTR

Not all buyers like a new build type house, the gardens are small, the garages unusable for cars etc.
Not sure why you are making him out to be the villan though?

OldMotherTucker

Carol2013 wrote: »

I hope this is the right place to post this. Been with my partner for about 15 years and we have 2 kids (9 and 3). To cut a long story short, I'm miserable in our relationship and have been for a long time.


I've never really had the guts to end things for various reasons (not wanting to be on my own, coping with the kids, money etc).


So I made the MASSIVE mistake of buying a house with my partner a couple of months ago. We had been renting for years and I did it mainly because I wanted stability for the kids (and I won't lie, also because I knew I couldn't buy on my own).


Since we bought the house (new build), my partner has been even more unbearable to live with as we have had so many snagging issues with the house. I know I only have myself to blame for getting myself into this mess but I genuinely was trying to keep our family together for the sake of the kids. Its only now I think I'm realising that maybe its not best for the kids after all.


Anyway, I'm not sure I can go on like this any longer but I can't see a way out. We borrowed the deposit from my parents so we currently owe them £11k. If we put the house on the market, I can only assume we would make a big loss on it. They have just started building the next phase of houses so who would pay full price for a 2nd hand one????


So basically I can't see how we can sell the house. I couldn't afford to move out and rent as I'd still have to pay half the mortgage. There is no way my partner would leave as he's stubborn and would NEVER agree.


I feel trapped with no way out. I can't believe I've gotten myself into this situation.

Well, posting on here will toughen you up!!:rotfl:

From the kids POV - they need you and their dad to work and provide a stable home for them. On the plus side - you do actually own part of home together . . . that's your starting point!

Best of luck:)

Carol2013

Haha thanks, don't worry I'm used to trolls.

DUTR

Carol2013 wrote: »

Haha thanks, don't worry I'm used to trolls.

To be fair, your opening post seemed like an anti men troll post, remember you chose him over all the others that were after you, and went along to have 2 beautiful children with him, so he can't be bad really, 1st point is to have a talk with him , who knows he may feel the same or stressed or even wants out himself.

Primrose

Well maybe your partner is equally unhappy too. Why don't the pair of you sit down together, have a long honest talk about how you could both make things better for yourselves if you were both prepared to make the effort.
You have two young children and unlike many couple you at least have a home of your own, even though you have a mortgage ratherb than having to rent. . Many couples can't even get on the stepladder. Your snagging ponlems have probably not helped the domestic atmosphere but you both have responsibility for making the best of things. Try to find some positive things in your lives and not feel overwhelmed by the negativity. Perhaps get out and enjoy an impromptu Autumn walk and picnic together and focus on what it was that got you together in the first place and decide you cared enough for each other to have two children together.

Guest101

Use partner to get house, now not happy..... What a lovely person

Kayalana99

Carol2013 wrote: »

Haha thanks, don't worry I'm used to trolls.

It's very easy to get thrown off but if you can ignore the bad posters I'm sure you'll get some really good advice.

Put your post back up and see what happens, no one knows who you are here, so what if some people throw some bad comments your way?


Unf I don't have much advice for you as I don't know your financial position, but as much as I hate to say it their is a lot of government financial support for a woman and 2 kids. If you sell the house, take the loss, set yourself up in a rented house then with what you'll get in benefits should cover you. Whilst you won't be able to live it up - perhaps just to get yourself back on your feet.

Also, 11k? I'm sure your parents would rather you be happy then be worried about losing the deposit...I'd try and pay them back of course, but once things have settled even £50-100 a month is a start.

Do whats best for you and your children.

DUTR

Kayalana99 wrote: »

It's very easy to get thrown off but if you can ignore the bad posters I'm sure you'll get some really good advice.

Put your post back up and see what happens, no one knows who you are here, so what if some people throw some bad comments your way?


Unf I don't have much advice for you as I don't know your financial position, but as much as I hate to say it their is a lot of government financial support for a woman and 2 kids. If you sell the house, take the loss, set yourself up in a rented house then with what you'll get in benefits should cover you. Whilst you won't be able to live it up - perhaps just to get yourself back on your feet.

Also, 11k? I'm sure your parents would rather you be happy then be worried about losing the deposit...I'd try and pay them back of course, but once things have settled even £50-100 a month is a start.

Do whats best for you and your children.

The original post is in reply #3

Kayalana99

DUTR wrote: »

The original post is in reply #3

Yes I saw that in the first place. :beer:

lewishardwick

I think many couples tick along assuming 'domestic bliss' will come along and everything will be peachy.

You must have loved (love?) this man. What has changed? Why has the snagging made things worse? Is the house really that bad?

My partner and I have our ups and downs. He seems to get very hung up on other peoples prosperity compared to us. I have to keep reminding him that peoples lives are very different as are their priorities in life.

You need to work out in YOUR head first of all what YOU want, is there anything left to save? Have you spoken about these feelings?

We're only getting one side so wont really be able to help much.