Depressed, anxious & can't go on like this...

MM1975

I'm a bit of a hot mess right now... I suffer from sever anxiety & depression, but am "high functioning" which means everyone thinks I'm happy, confident and have my stuff together - which couldn't be further from the truth.I have a 7 year old and am a single parent - her dad takes her 4 nights a month and pays child support in line with the CSA.

2 years ago I was in an emotionally abusive relationship - which was the start of my major problems. I didn't work much (was just transitioning back after being off with my daughter) and then this bf made us homeless for 5 weeks, reported me for benefit fraud (when there was none), had me arrested for "assaulting" him - which was thrown out and then ended up taking me to court to try and get a restraining order against me. The case was also thrown out but I ended up borrowing from friends to pay him off to basically go away and so my daughter and I could live in the property we were joint tenants in. Despite me telling the lawyers who helped with my case that I wouldn't be able to afford the £2000 they originally quoted me, they told me something along the lines of "ok we'll sort something out" and then presented me with a bill for £5.5k last year.

On top of that there was an HB overpayment of £2400 (despite me repeatedly asking for them to look into my claim and for an Out of Time appeal which has never come to fruition - I believe I am owed approx £5.5 - 6K for a year they say they owe me nothing). And on Thursday I received a £2.5K Tax Credits overpayment notice.

I ended up getting a decent job a couple of months after the ex-bf ordeal but with massive London rents, being forced to move (landlord wanted to sell the property), and childcare costs I am in a hole about £19k deep.

This debt has such a massive impact on my mental health and self worth. I'm crying all the time, feel sick, and for the first time in years, when the tax credits overpayment notice came in, I had suicidal thoughts.

I spent 4 hours on the phone with SC on Friday and they were kind and made a couple of suggestions - their main advice was to do an IVA. I thought this sounded good but so far over the weekend have been doing a lot of reading (on this site and others) and I'm wondering if I would actually be better off just going bankrupt.

The inflexibility of the IVA really scares me, like what if I have another child? Or I lose my job? (possible in this economy as I work for a foreign company in the EMEA HQ) Plus I worry that I won't actually be able to live for 5 years on the small amount I'd have left after the IVA. Whereas with bankruptcy if I do have to pay it would be less and for 3 years. Also what if I start the IVA and can't do it then have to go bankrupt - I'm just prolonging the pain. I'm in my early 40's and I'd love to be back to a good credit rating by the time I'm 50.

I'm worried about the shame of bankruptcy for sure but worry more about the long term impact this is having on my mental health. (I've got an appointment with my GP to deal with this part but it all feels so hopeless.)

Has anyone been here and have any advice? I feel so lost and alone.

Thanks in advance...

silvercar

You've come to the right place. I'm sure there will be experts along to advise you soon.

IVA or bankruptcy, at least you are dealing with your debts. The days of being shamed for bankruptcy are long gone, what matters is being able to manage going forward.

If you do feel depressed, particularly suicidal, talk to the Samaritans.

sourcrates

Hi,

The thing is, with your debt affecting your health in the way it is, do you really want to drag it out for another 5 to 6 years, struggling with payments ?

Because its very likely, as you are not a homeowner, that any IVA would last 6 years, as your expected to remortgage in year 5 to release equity for your creditors, now non homeowners cant do this obviously, so usually they have to have up to, an extra year of payments, so an IVA could potentially last 6 years.

You will be much better off going Bankrupt, all your debts can be included, there is no longer a requirement to attend court, you pay your fee, and thats it basically, everything is done online, or by post.

Dependent on your income/expenditure, you may have to pay an IPA (Income payment award) for up to 3 years, just budget correctly and that may not happen.

You can start again, with a clean slate.

I spent 6 years on an IVA, if i was in your position again now, i would not hesitate to go Bankrupt instead, just make sure you are aware of all the facts before you make any decision.

TheGardener

The days of debtors prison and the local paper printing the names of BR's are long gone - don't let that trouble you. Have a look at this tread for the Famous BR's thread https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/420969
it will cheer you up
For mere mortals like us - having our name in the papers is a thing of the past.
Taking control of your finances is a huge step forward - well done for starting :T

If BR is the best way for you - don't worry - the only thing I regret is not doing it sooner rather than struggling on for years with debts I was never going t be able to pay off.

ukamber1

As others have said...there is no shame in going bankrupt! Many on this forum know and understand the emotions you are feeling about whether Bankruptcy is the right step to make. Bankruptcy IS a big step but will allow you the chance to put the stress/worry of your debt behind you. IVA's and debt management plans are the right move for some but you can sometimes feel like there is no end in sight with them. Bankruptcy is a big step and important to look at all the facts before you enter into one but does allow you to put the pressure and worry behind you and gives you a "light at the end of the tunnel". It's over 6 years since I was made bankrupt and even tho it was hard, I can now start to see the light at the end of the tunnel, so try to stay positive!

Best wishes on whatever you decide...

MM1975

Thank you all for your kind words and support. It makes such a difference knowing that others know how it feels.

@sourcrates - I hear that from so many people - which is why I'm thinking bankruptcy. Thank you for sharing your story.

owlet

Sorry to hear what you are going through. I'm another who agrees that bankruptcy would be yiur best way. Draw a line underneath everything and start afresh. You aren't a homeowner and have no assets, so it's a win win situation for you.

There is definitely no shame in BR. It's a legal process for those who can't manage their debt. Please don't worry about that. Of course, who you tell is entirely up to you. I only told my hubby the day I went br and my daughter just after discharge. No one else knows.

Please do come back and we can help you through. It's great to chat to those who have been through it. Don't let your health suffer more, get on the road to recovery.

KeepOnKnitting

Hi MM1975
I just wanted to say that you sound like such a strong person, through all of this and still being able to know that you need to look after you and your daughter. I am in awe of you, and your honesty. You have had some good advice, and I am sure you can decide what solution will be best for you. Good luck, and let us know what you do next.

MM1975

@Owlet & @KeeponKnitting - thank you so much for your kind words. Yours made me teary @KeepOnKnitting I have been through so much the last two years I feel very very broken so I truly appreciate it. I have a feeling this place will help keep me (mostly) sane in the coming months/years.

Thank you.

Kerry511

I didn't want to read and run!...... Firstly you sound like you are trying to take control of everything which is the first step!.... I was/am in a similar situation (you can check my profile and threads for a better understanding) I just filed for bankruptcy and believe me once the ball is rolling you will feel so much better! More like an instant relief for me :-)
This forum is great for tips/advice and support........
I did consider an Iva before bankruptcy but previously wasted 5 years paying into a dmp and still ended up going bankrupt!! ...... so bankruptcy is the only sure way that you don't end up starting an Iva/dmp and fail and then having to go bankrupt anyhow!.....
I wish you all the best and stay strong....you can do this.!! ;-)

DEBTMONKEY1A

MM1975, I was in exactly the same situ as you in 2006-outwardly functioning but inside the same as youe as you. I'm normally a fairly decisive person but dithered on this until pushed by a money advice guy online (I so can't find the link now!).

The cost of banruptcy is £680, why not consider a debt releif order-covers debts up to & including £20000 & only costs £90. As you have no assets or are a homeowner these are deffo the right way to go. There is no longer any shame in it at all...the only public knowledge of this is 2 or 3 lines in the London Gazette.

Call Step Change-if your 'disposable income' on paper is £50 a month or less THERE IS NOTHING TO PAY BACK & if you took the bankruptcy route the official term is 12 months but if you are not paying them back a monthly figure (ie if 'on paper' your disposable income is £50 or less a month) you 'may' (not guaranteed but likely) get an early discharge meaning the Bankrutcy may end in as little as 6 months-you'll be FREE! If you go doen the Debt Relief Order route its a fixed year.

I agree with other posters-why on earth do an IVA & be stuck with it for SIX years-IVA/Bankruptcy/Debt relief order-all 3 means your credit file is affected for 6 years to the same degree.

Call Step Change as soon as possible & stress you do have mental health issues. I'm sounding pushy here but JUST DO IT-you'll feel a huge weight lifted from you-I did! BR just involves filling a huge form in (again Step Change can help or the CAB)...AS DOES A Debt Relief Order. IF you decide or are advised BR is the way forward (& I'm ready to get flamed for this)-if you don't have the fees-whack it on any credit card/overdraft, etc. It's not what is really advised but any Judge in BR would understand your intention if mental health issues etc are explained.

If you go down either route (& please please do!)-when giving income/expenditure to Step Change-put in higher figures than normal. Now I'm not saying that to deceive anyone but....for example lets say you were ill & relatives bought you ready meals that increased your shopping budget by £100 a month? Or if you have a car an unexpected breakdown-therefore you may need to use public transport/taxis, etc. Step Change have what are called 'trigger figures' from the Common Financial Statement (not available ulness you are a money advisor)-these quite simply are the maximum figures in Bankruptcy or a Debt Releif Order you can use without it eing queried. You really
want on paper £50 or less disposable income after ALL outgoings-& beleive me when Step Change go through it with you there are LOADS of things we forget to allow for!
Step Change will even help with letters to any companies that try & contact you AFTER the Debt Relief Order or BR. both are 'a line in the sand'-from that point onwards you owe NOTHING & no-one can EVER try & claim monies owed prior for ever after the BR/Debt relief Order!

Please please just do it for your mental health & also to look after your child. Honestly-it's the best thing I ever did.