Recreation

Andrew_Ryan_89

Who takes charge of this in your relationship and or family? Between my wife and I, if we are to go out to eat or do something, pretty much all the time it's my idea. For my birthday my wife will take care of me, but everything else is me.

I have no problem with that but at times I feel that sometimes she'll be bored, I'll ask what she wants to do and I'll never get an affirmative answer. It's always "I don't mind" or "whatever you want to do" so I either think that whatever I suggested she does not really want to do or feel pressured to come up with something.

Just curious how you guys discover your recreational activities and decide what to do and where to go.

Laz123

It sounds like she isn't very confident and doesn't like taking on responsibility. The reasons for this can vary but usually stem from childhood. If it was me I'd give her some choices to make, small at first, then build up from there. The probable fear on her part is failure or rejection of her choice. In a good relationship choices are either made together or the balance of power shifts constantly from one partner to the other to give a good balance.

~Beanie~

Its the other way round in our house, if I didn't think of things to do or places to go at the weekend, we would probably never leave the house.

I like to know what the plans are in advance, my OH is happy to leave it right until the last second and then say 'Do you fancy going for a quick drink' and expects me to be ready to go 10 mins later. Drives me nuts. I prefer to say "shall we go to XX on Saturday for something to eat and then pop in for a drink on the way home?" or "Do you fancy going to a Comedy Club Saturday night?". He would quite happily suggest the comedy club or going for a meal himself but usually does it at about 5:00pm the same day when its too late to get tickets/a table :mad:

LameWolf

I generally leave it to my DH to decide, really. I'm not very fond of going out for a drink, or eating out, although if DH really wants to go, I paint on a smile and go with him, but we do go to the theatre or the opera occasionally.

DH is on the mailing list for the local theatre, so when the programme for the coming season arrives, he looks through and decides what shows he fancies, and we visit the box office the next time we go into town and get the tickets. Thankfully our taste in plays and operas is similar - I honestly do not think I could sit through a comedy show!

We do always plan in advance, through necessity; I have a long-term health condition which means I tire very quickly, so if we're going out in the evening, I need to have a restful day in order to have enough energy to cope with it.

elsien

~Beanie~ wrote: »

Its the other way round in our house, if I didn't think of things to do or places to go at the weekend, we would probably never leave the house.

Now this does drive me up the wall. I go on holiday with a family member. I work full time they don't. My job is far more stressful. I get to make all the holiday arrangements, book everything and generally decide what to do when we're there because they want a break from any responsibilities.
Generally this suits my control freak tendencies and I get to do things I like. Otherwise we'd spend all day sitting round not making any decisions and I'd be bored witless.
But just once in a while when I've asked them to pick where we're eating (for example) and they've again said they don't mind, I just want to scream "for once in your life will you make an effing decision???"

Gloomendoom

I think my wife and I are pretty well matched in this respect. If pushed I would say that she is slightly more proactive.

I'm also lucky in that, if I suggest going out for a drink on a whim, she will be ready before I have found my keys, wallet, shoes etc.

spadoosh

Im one of those people who dont make a decision.

Mainly its because if i have an opinion on something theres no budging it but for the most part im impartial.

If i fancy doing something and the OH says i dont mind and then i start suiggesting something and she says no then that really irks me, at least when i say i dont mind i actually dont mind, chances are you will be taking me away from something i was quite happy to do.

As an example if she want to do something on a saturday chances are i will have to or face watching a glum face whilst im sat watching football. Something i was perfectly happy to do so anything after that is an inferior choice and will be not what i actually want to do so no point in being picky over it.

Same with food places. I will eat most foods. She has a preference for places. So when she asks where shall we eat and i say i fancy portuguese and she says nahhh i have to wonder what the point in asking me was.

Apathy is a wonderful thing, you either have it or you dont.



ETA a lot of my 'I dont mind's is so she can have her choice and when it comes to me getting my way i can because i rarely do iyswim. Gives you more bargaining power when the last 10 things we've done have been her choice, play the game.

TeamPlum

Oh not this guy again.

Izadora

elsien wrote: »

But just once in a while when I've asked them to pick where we're eating (for example) and they've again said they don't mind, I just want to scream "for once in your life will you make an effing decision???"

I'm guilty of being the "I don't mind" person in that scenario and even when my boyfriend reaches the "just make a bl00dy decision" stage I still find it really hard. I know that it's frustrating for him but, unless I've got a very strong preference, I'm so worried that I'll make the 'wrong' decision that I kind of freeze and can't make my mind up. Even when I do make a choice it's normally followed by "unless you'd prefer to do something else".

That said, I do make suggestions for places to go/things to do if there's anything I fancy so I don't make him decide all the time

enthusiasticsaver

I am the one who puts forward suggestions normally although OH can surprise me sometimes. I work part time though and he is full time but retiring in 10 days time. Hopefully he will be more proactive then when he does not have to worry about work and is at home all week.