Advice desperately needed please

EssexHebridean

I think you need to take some proper advice about your ex OH to be honest - maybe try to get an appointment with the local CAB? He cannot simply intimidate you to get out of paying, and frankly any investigation he gets as to his SE earnings as a result of anything you put into place sounds like a very good thing. I was SE for 6 years and played it straight - I don't see why the rest of us (you included!) should have to subsidise his lifestyle, do you? I believe there may be ways where he can be made to cough up without it seemingly have been originated by you, but the CAB should be able to tell you that. LINKY

anna_1977

Fizz_Bomb wrote: »

Thanks, I do have Netflix currently. I need the Internet so wonder if I could reduce my virgin package any futther. There's no Ariel in my house so guessing I'd need some form of free view tv to get even just basic free channels?

I don't know if Virgin is the same as Sky but even once disconnected i can get the freeview channels via sky box.

barbarawright

I have NowTV which gets everything Sky and all the catch-up stuff for £6.99 a month (more if you want movies and sport but still cheaper than actual Sky)

MrsTinks

Fizz_Bomb wrote: »

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 1
Number of children in household......... 2
Number of cars owned.................... 0
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 808
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 1058
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 1866
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 500
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 75
Electricity............................. 64.5 This seems high?
Gas..................................... 64.5 This seems high?
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 42 are you on a meter or rated?
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 45 Try to bring this down if you can
TV Licence.............................. 12.12
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 30.5 not a virgin expert but look into reducing this - especially if you are paying internet on top
Internet Services....................... 22.5 DOes this include line rental?
Groceries etc. ......................... 280 Any dietary reasons for this? No point picking it apart if there is a very specific diet that might impact this
Clothing................................ 0 Never?
Petrol/diesel........................... 120
Road tax................................ 0
Car Insurance........................... 0
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 200
Childcare/nursery....................... 52 Any chance you can convince ex to pay for this? every little helps!
Other child related expenses............ 40 Which is? Is it necessary?
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 6
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 3
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0 Never?
Haircuts................................ 0 None? ever?
Entertainment........................... 6
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0 We need to start putting a little by for emergencies to stop having to reach for the cards...
Total monthly expenses.................. 1563.12

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 0
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 0

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Barclaycard platinum...........7200......170.......0
Barclaycard visa...............4647......106.......0
Tesco..........................5256......110.......0
Barclay loan...................4106......141.......6
N power .......................250.......30........0
Next...........................1581......60........20
Barclay overdrft...............850.......20........0
Mint ..........................4200......70........19.9
Total unsecured debts..........28090.....707.......-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 1,866
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,563.12
Available for debt repayments........... 302.88
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 707
Amount short for making debt repayments. -404.12
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 0
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -28,090
Net Assets.............................. -28,090
Created using the SOA calculator at www.stoozing.com.
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.

There are areas that can be worked on - I think though you need to speak to one of the debt charities again and look at the best option for you. If your ex won't contribute and you are afraid of him then this is a battle that we can't fight for you. It's easy to sit here and say "stand up to him!" - because we are not emotionally invested and we don't have to square up to him! Depending on how scare you are though then please remember that there is help out there for you - I've worked with womens shelters before and some of them are honestly super lovely places which place emphasis on the kids not knowing they live in a secure location. If this is what you feel is appropriate then please seek the help you need and don't worry about the debt!

That aside - you need to stop feeling guilty for walking out of your relationship. He's a grown man and it takes two to tango. You left. Big deal. People break up every day, marriages fail and that's life. You cannot carry on living your life in this relationship - and until you stop feeling guilty you're only single on paper chick.

So - put the big girl pants on - on the outside if necessary! And work out what you want and need to do - and then DO it!