What's the best way for a couple to keep in financial contact... your tips wanted

trailingspouse

I deal with all the finances for both our personal money and our business. But this is just because my OH is too busy/not interested/trusts me, not because he wouldn't be perfectly capable if he needed to do it. We discuss major decisions and I keep him informed on a regular basis.

I worry more about how I would cope without him when it comes to things like tech - I think I would have to go back to using a quill pen. And yes, I totally agree with a previous poster who suggested it's up to us to educate ourselves - it's just easier to let him do it as no sooner have I got my head around a new piece of tech it's outdated and I have to start again.

Mrs_Ryan

OH has severe mental health problems and without me would be lost. I run his bank account online for him, organise all payments etc- I don't think he has any idea how much any of the utility bills actually are although he knows all suppliers. Last time he tried to do it himself he got into such a mess that he has said he's not going to attempt it again- he had massive mortgage arrears, massive bank charges... Since I took it over he's had no such issues, his biggest problem is a large (but unused) overdraft.
The unfortunate thing is, if something were to happen to me he couldn't run the finances himself and he's got no-one to do it for him- he doesn't even know his bank account number, only the name of the bank he banks with. I'm only 36 so unlikely to shuffle off this mortal coil at any point soon but having had non-terminal cancer I may consider making a list of everything OH would need to know if anything happened. I'm not bothered about anyone accessing my account as there's bog all in it and I've no assets to worry about

Robisere

We have a joint account and share information about all financial matters. I usually carry out banking online, but my wife is shown everything I buy and all account details are printed out and filed. She is perfectly capable of carrying out all the banking that I do and all important stuff is in a 'black book' that is safely hidden. We both have made wills leaving everything to each other. Surviving parent leaves everything to our ds and dd.

This has reminded me to make a small change to my own will: I left something to a nephew in memory of his dad my much-missed big brother, but the lad has blotted his copybook by doing something aggressively stupid and libellous. As he is unaware that I made this bequest, he will not know that he is missing out on a family heirloom that is quite valuable. He is nothing like his father.

Clav85

Its so important to educate yourself on financial responsibility but easier To some than others. I had to take over the finances twice now due to The hubby being in complete denial over what debt actually is. I think sometimes he believes it's an extension of his pay. The first time I insisted on monthly finance meetings which initially always ended in horrendous arguments. We got to a great stage where I felt We could go back to separate accounts and split bills (before I essentially handled both our earnings) due to a demanding job I stopped focusing on our finances so much and let's just say we are in worse debt than ever before. so now we are back to me handling all money but rest assured the monthly meetings will make a come back. apart from sharing financial decisions and information i believe if you are in charge of someone else's income you are responsible for communicating how that income is being spent.

Jasper57

I'm well-placed to comment on the issue of planning for the future, having lost both parents and an in- law in a care home with dementia. It is absolutely vital to get Lasting Power of Attorney in place, regardless of your age. My father was brilliant at managing his affairs, even at 91, which made the whole issue of dealing with his estate straightforward. I would say that if you have a conversation with a loved one about something/s you want to pass on, please specify in your will. It is not necessarily the valuable stuff which matters most.
Re: Lasting Power of Attorney :
There are 2 types- Financial and Health and welfare.
Decisions such as end of life care usually fall on the spouse, but if there is no-one and it falls to the children, it is a joint decision, most likely the childrens.
Power of Attorney can be registered with the relevant body (bank, building society, pension provider etc) AT ANY TIME - If YOU WAIT UNTIL THERE IS A CRISIS IT WILL CAUSE DELAYS.
If a loved one is suddenly taken into hospital , and their spouse has to be taken into care, you won't be able to access their money to pay for it until the POA is registered, which can take weeks. At a time of great distress, this just adds to it. Speak to your older relatives and get their POA registered now, as long as it is not going to change (ie bank/ pension provider).
Hope this is of help.

kieran_01

I have got all financial details saved on a password protected spreadsheet which is updated regularly.
Going one step further though - I have already drafted about 20 letters, with account details etc, to advise people of my death. The last thing I want my wife to have to do if I'm gone is to sit down and have to work out who she needs to advise, and copying details across from the spreadsheet. This way she can just date, print, sign and send!

Hazelo

We have separate bank accounts. Bills are paid from each of them. We have a spreadsheet which lists everything and the date payment is due and we review it every four months. We also have latest paperwork filed and anything done electronically saved to a shared drive. Once it's set up it really doesn't take long and it's a great way of sharing dreams and aspirations and working out budgets to afford them. We also have a will but we are now considering LPA and the the health one just in case either of us has dementia in the future and we perhaps need to pay funeral cost now........as much as I would like to donate my body to scientific research, I don't think it's that easy.

totally_bonkers

Thank you Martin for instigating this discussion. My OH has refused to get involved with finances since we married 31 years ago! This suits me as a previous marriage nearly cost me my home etc and when we divorced eventually, I swore never, ever to let a man take charge of my finances again. I am pretty organised, but nothing like some of these posters, and it's given me the incentive to make records and push (again!) for LPA's for us both. I'm in my mid 60's now and suffer with quite a lot of ailments and have had many, many surgeries. This and the meds I'm on, has given me terrible 'brain fog', and the daily tasks are much more difficult than they were thirty years ago! We have a fairly complicated financial situation and I know in my heart that my dear husband would not be able to even sort it out, let alone cope with it all!
So again, thank you Martin and team and all the previous posters - you've made me see the light and I promise to sort it all out ASAP!

LittleWing294

Lots of great thoughts here, but I can't see whether anyone has mentioned passwords. A friend's husband died suddenly, and she couldn't even get into his laptop, let alone any financial info.
Keep the passwords somewhere that you can both access - while, of course, making sure that they are secure from anyone else.

janiebquick

We found out in March that I am terminally ill. The first thing we did was make new wills and LPAs. The next thing I did was consolidate my financial affairs so they won't have so much to deal with. I must confess that I frittered a bit of money at this point! Then I took out an over 50s plan on the grounds that I only have about two years to live so won't be ripped off. It clearly states in my will that my funeral costs will come out of my estate, so I'm not taking out a funeral plan as well. I have a lsit of financial institutions that I update regularly and email to my oH and children. We also have a box where all important documents are kept and everyone knows where it is.