Taking annual leave on-site, on-call, and general boundary issues with employer

SillyOne

globetraveller wrote: »

I think you need to see a psychiatrist. There has to be another reason for this. Are you actually just avoiding your family? Is something not working out there that you have to feel that you are so indispensable at work?
If the whole company is only surviving because of you, they must be in a complete shambles management wise. What is the point of staying with them if you can easily find another job?
But is it actually how you are saying it is or are you just pretending it is to escape family life.
If you feel offended about my advice, go back and read your posts, especially the bit about visiting your parents. I almost hope you are a troll as it's a pretty empty life you are describing.

It had occurred to me - "nothing to go home for so I'll stay and do this" yes, my OH works different hours to me (varying shifts so it could be 'lates', nights or 'earlies' - he's not in the same industry) I wouldn't say I am keeping the whole company running exactly (!), as there are other people (in other parts of the org) in other 'key' positions. I am a "key" person as things stand though, it would be an immediate threat to "deliverables" if I were to be off sick, in an accident, summarily dismissed (?!) or whatever.

Edited to add: oops, I didn't actually say what I was going to about family. (Caught up with a rant about management.) I'm definitely not "escaping" family life via work, I want nothing more than to have the conventional family life and I'm insanely jealous - and try, but don't always succeed, not to show it - when colleagues have a "Hard Stop" at 8pm (or whatever) because of a family situation they have to take care of - it's complicated though, as the reason for that is taking care of someone or something similar and you'd rather the person was well and didn't need care as such, but the green eyed "Must be nice to be able to......" takes over. (Then I'm increasingly resentfully there until 1am or similar, trying to get to the bottom of some anomalous result.) Sometimes I can stop this from being obvious to colleagues and sometimes I can't. I'm not generally very tactful and often say things I shouldn't. Unfortunately some family situations are more open to sympathy/empathy than others - e.g. we don't have children, the immediate family is just me and my OH, and I have even explicitly said to him that work comes first. I compounded this mistake by telling colleagues I'd said that!!

Management is a shambles but that's another story and one I don't have influence over (or don't see how)

I'm ashamed to admit this, even on the internet, but your words made me cry - it is an "empty life" !! - many people I used to have in my life have fallen by the wayside and I'm now quite insular and obsessive. I wish I was a troll too! :eek:

SillyOne

Is there any way to edit the title of this thread? Sorry, I'm experienced technically but a forum noob!!

elsien

I once fell into the "things are easier when I'm here, so I might as well stay longer" trap. And had people phoning me at home all the time, although the difference between us was that that was part of my job role.
I ended up going off long term sick with anxiety and depression. Gave the job up because I couldn't face going back into the same set up if nothing had changed. Took years to get my confidence back.

And guess what? They managed without me. The whole place did not fall apart and crumble because the people who should have stepped up earlier finally had no choice but to do so.

What you are doing is unhealthy. It will have an impact on you, your well being, your family life, and possibly on your mental health.
It's not worth it - take it from one who knows, and break the cycle before it breaks you.

ETA - you should be able to edit the title using the advanced setting button.

getmore4less

SillyOne wrote: »

I really wish I could train and offload / delegate but we are always in "fire fighting" mode and no time for training - on the couple of occasions that we have had 'slack' in the past though, my manager has asked me to cross train (with "training plan" and things to tick off etc) which I have done to the best of my ability, but the trainees either aren't listening, aren't capable, aren't taking it seriously that they might need to engage with any of this stuff, or some other negative I haven't accounted for!

No one will want training up to your job level if they think the way you do it will be the way they are expected to do it.

SillyOne

elsien wrote: »

I once fell into the "things are easier when I'm here, so I might as well stay longer" trap. And had people phoning me at home all the time, although the difference between us was that that was part of my job role.
I ended up going off long term sick with anxiety and depression. Gave the job up because I couldn't face going back into the same set up if nothing had changed. Took years to get my confidence back.

And guess what? They managed without me. The whole place did not fall apart and crumble because the people who should have stepped up earlier finally had no choice but to do so.

What you are doing is unhealthy. It will have an impact on you, your well being, your family life, and possibly on your mental health.
It's not worth it - take it from one who knows, and break the cycle before it breaks you.

ETA - you should be able to edit the title using the advanced setting button.

Thanks, have edited it. You learn something every day!!

It seems like an inherent / emergent part of my job role is to take calls and handle things due to being 'Senior'; although it's never been spelled out - I'm assuming you had an on-call or such like ('part of my job role')?

The irony is... I have been to the Dr with anxiety and had the option to be signed off. And I said no, because of concerns for the company! [I phrased it to the Dr as "Nah, I feel capable of going back to work" etc.] Of course I could always just "lose" the sick note I suppose.

SillyOne

Manxman_in_exile wrote: »

I see you've responded to my post #101. Thanks, but it's not an answer as far as I'm concerned.


I also note that you've ignored the questions I posed in my post #93 despite the fact you've made multiple posts since then.


I asked those questions because it seems to me that you are trying to be helpful to your employer and colleagues, but in fact are putting yourself (or perhaps allowing yourself to be put in) a precarious position. If anything goes wrong with your "widget" reports, or if your client(s) make some complaint about them, ask yourself who is going to be blamed by your employer and colleagues?


I find it hard to believe that any responsible employer would allow any one employee to be in such a crucial position where only they can be relied upon to produce business-critical reports.


Find another job ASAP

I've replied now (sorry) and curious how I am in a "precarious position" - because it could come off to an auditor that I am "up to something"? I'm not sure what the risk is, but if anything goes wrong with the reports it would necessarily come back to me, as I supposedly have oversight (though not actual management duties on an org chart etc). I am happy to answer anything from auditors in a straightforward manner!

I don't think it was intentional on the part of the employer. There was another person who could do my duties and vice-versa so they had a "backup plan" .... until that person left for a better offer!

Oldfatgrumpy

Have you considered having a quiet word with Widget LTD, with a view to taking your expertise in-house with them directly? Or doing the testing for them independently as your own boss, i.e jump ship and take the client with you?

getmore4less

SillyOne wrote: »

I've replied now (sorry) and curious how I am in a "precarious position" - because it could come off to an auditor that I am "up to something"? I'm not sure what the risk is, but if anything goes wrong with the reports it would necessarily come back to me, as I supposedly have oversight (though not actual management duties on an org chart etc). I am happy to answer anything from auditors in a straightforward manner!

i't not going to happen unless maybe there is something important about these reports beyond who you are doing them for like compliance(legal not commercial), safety critical, parts tracking...

This is just supporting your idea of indispensability.


As they say time to man up or get out.

Turn your phones off this weekend, go see your parents

everything can can wait till Monday.

SillyOne

getmore4less wrote: »

No one will want training up to your job level if they think the way you do it will be the way they are expected to do it.

You're not wrong!! I'm sure they are quite happy to coast and have all their problems taken care of. More fool me. As long as the situation persists and nothing changes, that is....

SillyOne

getmore4less wrote: »

i't not going to happen unless maybe there is something important about these reports beyond who you are doing them for like compliance(legal not commercial), safety critical, parts tracking...

This is just supporting your idea of indispensability.


As they say time to man up or get out.

Turn your phones off this weekend, go see your parents

everything can can wait till Monday.

There isn't anything "objectively" important (e.g. we aren't safety testing Note 7's or something like that!!) it's just "market information" for the Widget manufacturers. For example if the 'Widget' was mobiles (it isn't) the testing might be something like: <<Take a photo, then take a photo with the OtherWidget and assess photos against criteria XYZ and then analyse the Widget product as to why Z does not test well. Make a phone call using Widget and OtherWidget and record the quality of calls to ABC. Why is the call to B very noisy??>> As said - it isn't phones but that is a suitable analogy.

I want to get out but how can I leave that guilt behind?