Not Asking for Help Just Showing How Useless Systems in the Country Are Now

Cakeguts

deannatrois wrote: »

I am starting arrangements for my older son to go into supported Housing. Won't be pleasant but can't have him move into the sort of place council will put us.

But in spite of the way things sound.., he does 'have his own life'. I might sound like a disaster but I do put the children first. They don't even know what I am thinking of. Believe you me, I am good at putting a face on things. But I also know I've run out of options now except finding another way for them to live. I wish it wasn't that way.., but it is.

I won't come back for a while, I just wanted to write the inital post. Thank you everyone.

I didn't mean to imply that you didn't put your children first what I was trying to say is that a disabled adult is entitled to live their own life and not to be forced to stay at home with parents/parent just because they are disabled. He is entitled to have the kind of independent life of any other person of his age. Supported housing is there so that he can have his own independent life. You are doing the correct thing to find him somewhere to live. It is normal for children to outlive their parents so he needs to be settled and you need to be happy that he can continue to live like that. It also takes the pressure off you as someone else will be helping him.

baby_lemonade

So you're turning down housing.. in London??! Did you know Londoners on the council list are being asked to move out to Birmingham, because there simply is not enough housing stock to meet the huge demands? I see your point, some of those estates are the absolute dregs - I wouldn't want to live there - but you have to take what you can get. Could you not move out to Essex, where your dad is?

enthusiasticsaver

Unfortunately you are having to deal with social services on more than one issue which I would think is unusual and if you are coming over as aggressive and unhelpful people are unlikely to put themselves out to help you.

Maybe moving out of London may be a possibility where perhaps accommodation may be more easily available and be nicer? Perhaps nearer to your dad in Essex and then you could help him and claim carers?

theoretica

You say in your title "how useless systems in the country are now" - my experience is they haven't been any better for ASD issues over the last 30 years. Not sure if this is helpful to point out or not!

AnnieO1234

First of all hugs. I know that won't mean much but please know there are people who care.

There are two things that strike me. First of all the accusations being made that you've been aggressive, oh they're familiar to me. It seems to be a catch all tactic IMHO from social care etc for anyone asserting their rights.

Because of that, it seems it might be helpful if you could find an advocate of some sort. That might be from a charity, church or other organisation who could take you under their wing and deal with some of this crap for you. I wish you were local to me, I would be the first to volunteer.

It's not something I would normally think was a good idea, but what about talking to the likes of the daily mail? One thing councils can't stand is having pressure put on them, I can see the article now "council pays ££ for immigrants but this mom of 2 disabled sons..." (Sorry that's just the approach I can imagine will be taken.)

I would certainly want to name and shame the MP at minimum. Every constituent has a right to be heard and represented by their MP. I don't agree with the politics of my own, but by god he helps everyone in my experience who goes to him for help.

It may be worth calling the Samaritans. They aren't just there for suicidal thoughts! They have access and contacts that may give you some help.

I would maybe look at moving somewhere out of the capital. Maybe to Essex or even further up the country entirely. A fresh start in a new area with new services might help.

As for your dad, unless step daughter is his Power of Attorney, then people should really be dealing with you not them. It depends on if you want that of course, and if it is better for dad too. Proximity may be important.

You've a roof over your head, you've two beautiful sons who love you, you've been through sh*t but the point is you've not failed at the first hurdle. Keep fighting. Xxx

Rosemary7391

This sounds incredibly frustrating... I hope it's helped you to write it down and tell folks about it. I have no idea how these systems work, but I have a suggestion that might help you keep it manageable. It sounds like all of these things are going to take some time to resolve. Normally I'd say do one thing at a time, but that's going to take forever with that lot. Why not instead allocate each thing a day to work on it? So Monday you look at housing options, Tuesday social services etc... It means you're getting things done, probably about as quickly as they'd ever get done, but you're not trying to worry about them all at once. I don't know if that'll work for you, but it's an idea.

baby_lemonade

xylophone wrote: »

You wrote to him giving details of the above and that is what he wrote back in his reply?

The area is Tory run (just!). I suspect that's not quite how he phrased it, but may have been the sentiment!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gravesham

There's a mix of very posh up-market areas (Tunbridge Wells, Sevenoaks, etc) nearby, but OP is evidently in the rougher part of town. She is NOT going to be housed in Sevenoaks, if that's what she is hoping for. I think she'd do better to move to Essex to be closer to her dad, but maybe that's not possible for whatever reason.

Detroit

Families like yours often do not do well in city environments where resources are stretched beyond capacity. Imo, your problems are greatly exacerbated by living in London.

You have no work ties, friends or family, and nothing you or your children are engaged in locally is successful, so in your position, I would be researching other areas of the UK with a view to moving.

There are many smaller towns throughout the country where there is far less demand on services, fewer social problems, and more lower cost housing in better areas, without the problems you describe.

In my area for example, there is a plentiful supply of houses with gardens, in reasonable areas for private rent. Rents are within LHA rates, so covered by HB.

Incidents of crime are much rarer than the city, the environment is quieter, which may be helpful for your sons conditions, and incidents of serious problems in schools are very rare.

There are many such towns throughout the UK and while there is risk associated with such a big change, from where you are now, it seems you have little to lose.

pinkshoes

Can you move in with your dad?

Could you move near your dad?

Does your dad have any money to help you move?

Is there another part of the country that DOES have more suitable housing where you could move to?

You seem to have a very long list of demands and things you need and want, but not willing to compromise.

Perhaps think outside the box. Find a nice market town up north where rent is much cheaper. The change will do the kids good!

Tigsteroonie

I hope that writing this post has helped the OP, too.

I've often found that, when I've felt overwhelmed by a situation, it helps to write down exactly what is wrong in bullet points. And then what is needed to put that right. And then break down what's needed into chunks, steps. And then you can start crossing them off as they're achieved ... (Apologies for all the 'ands' !!)

I'm off to battle again with Children's Services. If you're thinking of moving out of London, don't come to central Manchester, they're almost as bad!!! Now Stockport or Trafford, I hear good things about their support services ... but not their medical services. Swings and roundabouts.