Need reassurance making the right decision - family/job

cheerio14

Hi all - my situation is all a bit complicated but in a nutshell - I'm in the process of getting a divorce from my husband and due to various reasons have had to move 70 miles away. This has left me with a 50 mile commute each way to work, so I leave at 6.30 and get home at 5.30. I've got a little boy so I don't see him much during the week. We're now going through a court process to decide access arrangements and all of this has made me realise I need to prioritise him. I've managed to get a new job which is 8 mins from my house (in traffic!) in the same field I'm in now but because of the slight change of sector results in a £10k pay cut! I think I can afford this but the thought of such a big change is terrifying and I just need a bit of reassurance that it's ok for me to take this risk in order to prioritise my family.

When I spoke to my parents they didn't seem that impressed with the move which shook my confidence on it a bit. Can anyone offer any words of wisdom?! TIA

ska_lover

Can I ask, just to be clear, what exactly are you worried about? The financial implication of things?

have you worked out your (potential) income V's outgoings?

beckysbobbles1

Can you afford the pay cut? Are you able to maintain your standard of living with this pay cut? If so then surely it's a no brainer.


Putting your child first is obviously the right thing but it's not just time they need, they need clothes/food/toys etc so if by changing jobs you can't provide the basics then it's a more difficult decision.


Good luck with whatever you choose. You have so many changes going on with the divorce, your parents are probably a little worried you're taking too much on at once.

LilElvis

Not much help but you're really not looking at a £10k cut in pay because you need to factor in the huge savings you will make by not having to commute.

Freeing up extra time will not just give you more to spend with your son, but also leave you "fresher" in the evenings to pursue more qualifications/do extra work from home to progress your career.

lika_86

Firstly, I think the question is, can you actually afford it? Rather than thinking you can. Do a statement of affairs and work it out http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php. Remember that your costs will reduce in terms of petrol and you won't be doing the same journey to pick up or drop off your little boy with your ex.

But don't feel bad about prioritising your family (and own health and sanity by not having to do a long and tiring commute). It sounds like you're making a sensible move but only you can know whether it can all add up.

cheerio14

Thanks for the quick responses. I've ran the numbers through my budgeting sheet and I will have to cut back in areas but I can make it work on paper. I guess I'm worried about money but I'm also worried about the impact on my career - I've never been totally career focused but it's always been a consideration and one that my parents are keen on, and this new role is a slight step back. I just wanted some outsider opinion that it's ok to take that step back to spend more time with my son! Silly I know.

ska_lover

cheerio14 wrote: »

I just wanted some outsider opinion that it's ok to take that step back to spend more time with my son! Silly I know.

It is absolutely OK. It is better than OK it is definitely the right thing to do IMO.

Being there for your son is far more worthwhile than any promotion or career. Your parents may want you to be a high flier but having a larger bank balance will never bring back these precious years of your son being young and an extra present in a Christmas stocking will not (to him, OR you) make up for him being in child care longer, for example.

I applaud you. You will have more time together to do things kids love, go exploring, painting, cloud watching, create those memories that no money can buy

You are right not to bow to pressure from others, as there is more than one way to be successful in life

Andypandyboy

If it feels right and you can afford it, do it. You can get your career back on track when he is older.

Going through a divorce will affect your child so stability is key.

Alikay

In your position, I'd take the local job. £10k is a lot of money and you probably will have to make a few cutbacks, but you'll be paying less tax and NI so it won't be a full £10k reduction to your take-home pay. There may be other cost savings too, like transport and childcare, and it's much easier to shop and cook economically when you have the time to do it.

From a non-financial POV, time with your child is priceless, and working locally will mean you' may be able to expand your social network too, which is very valuable after a break-up. Sorry to hear your parents aren't being very encouraging, but it's your decision, not theirs, and maybe they have their own agenda - perhaps they're enjoying the extra time with your son if they're currently helping with childcare?

Pollycat

LilElvis wrote: »

Not much help but you're really not looking at a £10k cut in pay because you need to factor in the huge savings you will make by not having to commute.

I agree with this. ^^^^
How much does it cost in fuel for 500 miles per week?
Plus the wear and tear on your car, your tyres will not need replacing as often.

LilElvis wrote: »

Freeing up extra time will not just give you more to spend with your son, but also leave you "fresher" in the evenings to pursue more qualifications/do extra work from home to progress your career.

You currently have an 11 hour day.
That will reduce significantly if you do take the job that's nearer - time to spend with your boy.

pinkshoes

I took a £14k pay cut and changed career to prioritise my son.

They don't stay small for long!

I will always put my kids before my career. Yes, i have a lot less disposable income, but I just prioritise what I want vs what I need.

I now get all my clothes second hand on ebay or facebook, get my hair cut in a training college, but then spend any money saved on lovely days out with the kids!