Just dont know where to start!

woody14867

Hi everyone.

I am new to the forum and have finally plucked up the courage to ask for some help.

If I could give you a brief history it would put my current situation into some context.

History

For as long as I can remember I have been a compulsive spender. From a very early age I would get money and spend it, birthday money was spent the same day and as i moved into adulthood things didnt chage, payday became my surrogate birthday.
Fast forward to 2004 and closing in on my 40th birthday I had been personally bankrupt twice and had £17k worth of loans written off by the company I was a director of.
Money and me just didnt get on. I would spend on anything and had an addiction to !!!!!! which was costing me a lot of money. When I acted out I often spent or got a credit agreement for a mobile phone or the like to make me feel better. This would always end badly as I would default on the agreement in favour of having the extra cash monthly.
I have only had two jobs in my working life and the first ended because of my spending and the second one has seen me getting loans almost every year. Things became very embarresing for me at work culminating in me having to ring the managing director at 9pm to almost beg him to pay £900 to a bayliff who was collecting on behalf of the council tax. They had my company car clamped and refused to release it.




Current

I have over twenty five creditors who have on the whole have passed the debts onto debt collection agencies, the total in excess of £20,000.

I am not really sure how I feel about these debts really, I have ignored most of them for a long time and feel bad about this deep down.

Recently I wrote to them asking if I could make a small payment and most have accepted.

I have spoken to StepChange and they have confirmed I am eligable for a debt relief order.
I have some real issues with this, all selfish i'm afraid. I worry that the credit cards and phone agreement that I have will be closed and I will be unlikely to get them again, I appreciate that this is madness as they are only material things but it really concerns me.

I am not a home owner and are likely never to be as I am 49 and have no assets,

My long suffering wife has debt which she manages but I am even badgering her to default on agreements to release some cash to our monthly incomings.

I would really appreciate some advice as I really dont know which way to turn.

Thank you in advance.








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fatbelly

woody14867 wrote: »

I have spoken to StepChange and they have confirmed I am eligable for a debt relief order.

How are they getting around the fact that you owe more than 20k?

woody14867

I am guessing the reason they have suggested I do a debt relief order is to write the £20k off in order for me to start again?

bettyboo71

Well done for taking the first steps.
Although you say you don't know which way to turn, I think that deep down you do. It sounds like you have reached a point where you do want to fix this. But you realise that this is going to mean a significant change in the way that you think and behave, and that is a daunting prospect.
If stepchange think that they can help you, let them. I don't know a lot about them and have read different opinions on here, but my understanding is that you don't have to stay with them if you don't think their proposals are workable for you. (I'm sure someone else will be able to say more about that)

If stepchange doesn't work out, there are other options, such as CAB, and some people make their own arrangements with creditors - although it does sound like you could use the support, at least initially.

When I first went to CAB, they said it would take 11 years to clear my debt, but in the end it only took 8. Yes, it was still a long time, but after the arrangements were made, it was all affordable, I wasn't stressing and juggling every month, and I could afford a wee treat sometimes.

If you want to fix this then you are going to have to change. There is no way round that. And the alternative is to keep juggling, and probably just getting into a bigger mess that will take longer to fix.

I can't find it but there is a link on here to a SOA (statement of account). If you can fill one of those in, it really helps to clarify where your money is going, and usually several people can see things that you can change straight away. We're a friendly bunch and we are here to help, and sometimes that will involve us being brutally honest. But many of us have been through it and know that you do sometimes need a kick!

sourcrates

woody14867 wrote: »

I am guessing the reason they have suggested I do a debt relief order is to write the £20k off in order for me to start again?

Maximum debt for a DRO is £20,000, and not one penny more.

Strict rules apply, how much exactly do you owe ?

Proxima_Centauri

woody14867 wrote: »

For as long as I can remember I have been a compulsive spender. From a very early age I would get money and spend it, birthday money was spent the same day and as i moved into adulthood things didnt chage, payday became my surrogate birthday.

I can certainly relate to this bit! I often wonder if people are born spenders / savers, because people tend to be one or the other! Or is it learned behaviour.

As for where to start I'm sure there are some experienced people on here who can help you better than I can, but I would say first of all tot up all your debts, your income and your outgoings and maybe post the figures on this board for people to have a look at and advise you.

fatbelly

woody14867 wrote: »

I am guessing the reason they have suggested I do a debt relief order is to write the £20k off in order for me to start again?

But you say you owe more than 20k so you would not on the face of it be eligible for a DRO, on those grounds.

It is a good solution for those who qualify for one

Let me think of some possible explanations, and you can tell us if Stepchange said one of these:

1. Some of your debts are 'excluded' debts and so do not contribute to the total. These would be social fund loans, CSA arrears, criminal fines in the magistrates court, student loans.

2. Some of the debts are not in your name and can't be listed

3. Some of the debts are statute barred and don't need to be listed

4. You are slightly above the limit and Stepchange advised you to make pro-rata payments to bring the total down. Maybe the 'small payments' you are making will do this

5. You don't actually owe more than 20k

Money_maker

woody14867 wrote: »

I worry that the credit cards and phone agreement that I have will be closed and I will be unlikely to get them again

But why would you need to get them again? With your history, would it not be best to avoid the temptation?

nkkingston

You really need to confront what drives you to spend. If you can't rid yourself of the urge, you'll never be debt free. You still think you need more credit: you don't. Your brain is lying to you about needing it, because it's using credit to satisfy a difference need.

I'd suggest keeping a spend-specific diary. Every time you get the urge to go out and buy something or sign up to a contract, write down your emotions and what's going on around you. You might find it's when something makes you feel like you're not in control of your life (like being in debt!), or someone speaks to you in a certain way, or you're reminded of a certain event, or a certain emotion is stirred. You may find it happens more or less than you think, too. Once you get into the habit of thinking of yourself as a spendy sort of person, your subconscious can use that to justify spending money even when you don't feel the particular need. Once you've identified your trigger, you can look at ways to satisfy the need more healthily.

National_Debtline

Hi woody. Welcome to the forum and well done on plucking up the courage to share your situation with us.


Whether you are eligible for a Debt Relief Order or not, that is just a way of attacking the symptoms, not the illness itself. Everything you've said above suggests to me that you'd benefit from being able to re-evaluate your relationship with money and material things. Easier said than done, as it seems to have been an issue for you from quite an early age. However, it is really positive that you have posted on here and I hope you continue to seek support, whether it be on here or elsewhere.


Dennis
@natdebtline

Muttipops

Hi, woody.
I have an interesting article here for you to read if you would like to about compulsive spending. It is an American publication and whilst they can tend to be a bit OTT in their approach, bless them, I think this article is very good about explaining why compulsive shoppers/spenders do it.
The main thing I would take away is this, go and see your GP to get some help, as if it is an addiction with you and the spending is affecting your life to a great extent, then some help in stopping it would be good.


https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cant-buy-happiness/201308/what-can-be-done-help-compulsive-spending-habits


I can't find a help organisation in the UK online.


So debt charity for concrete plan and also the above to prevent it happening again.



My apologies if this is info you already know, like the rest on here, just trying to help.