I need re-assurance that I'm doing the right thing

walletmoths

Since 2008, when hubby lost his job, I've tried and tried to get my bank to allow us to move to a cheaper home. I tried everywhere and nobody would touch us for a mortgage - leaving us trapped in a house that was costing us too much, and so we got into a lot of debt.

Anyway, CAPmoney took on our case (who are absolutely wonderful, by the way), so about a month ago I contacted my bank - and after a gruelling 4hr interrogation about our attitude to money, savings, bills, future planning, and several trick questions - they finally said yes!

Great news. We can now move closer to my work and family, saving us £200pm immediately, and hubby has more chance of a job with family helping us out with childcare.

But here's the twist... Since putting our home on the market, we never realised what snobs we'd become. We're greiving so much for our lovely home in a lovely area, with wonderful neighbours, outstanding schools, community atmosphere, you name it...

Searching for homes £100k lower in price shows us the stark reality of where we'll be able to live, and we just can't stop feeling so bad about what we're doing.

We can't stay though. If we stay, the bank will know we've got little chance of things getting better financially and will eventually force us to sell, and if we stay we'll have no choice but to go through insolvency for our debts. Moving will allow us to pay off some debt, but also enter into a DMP.

On paper, there are 100s of benefits to moving - so why are we so torn apart over doing this?

Folks are saying that once we're both working, things will get better and we can buy a better place - but I know that after this 'special arrangement', our chances of another mortgage are pretty darn slim. Plus, I don't want to fall into the trap of relying on two wages to pay for a mortgage. I never want to have this kind of debt problem ever again if things go wrong.

I guess, I'm just asking here for someone to re-assure us that we're doing the right thing. (Please be kind. Feeling quite fragile.)

Doozergirl

Have you been on the debt free wannabe board?

I'd really try not to move if you can help it. It costs a lot of money in itself which probably won't help in the short term. I think most of the advice will tell you to move.

If you have a DMP are you keeping up?

Cakeguts

I don't think it is because you are snobs I think it is because you are making a house into a sort of status. If you could transfer this status to feeling that you have achieved something by moving and paying off your debts I think you would get on better with the move.

Lovely neigbours don't just come with expensive houses in nice areas. You can get lovely neighbours anywhere. You can also get a community feel anywhere. What you should be doing is congratulating yourself on the fact that you have found a way to dig yourself out this financial problem. The house you are leaving doesn't matter it is only a house.

Chanes

How right Cakeguts is, you could find lovely neighbours where you move. But I can see how the shock of moving to something more manageable for you might sting, I really can. Think of the positives in the future rather than ponder what you cannot have from the past. And it is true, the future could turn things around again to something you would like more. You are being sensible and you know you are and you should feel some pride in making the decisions for the family that are for the good; read some of the posts, so many bury their heads in the sand until they lose it all because they cannot face the reality. You can. Good for you!

kiddy_guy

Harsh reality here.

You're not doing the right thing. Unfortunately you have no other choice.

We'd all love to live beyond our means and pay the bills but sadly that's not life (not saying you have).

Bankruptcy and continued debt is worse than living in a slightly worse area in a smaller house.

oystercatcher

Maybe you feel like this because you haven't seen the right house yet ? The nice houses in the cheaper areas are probably like gold dust and snapped up very quickly as there are probably many looking for the same as you. meanwhile the average to grotty houses in average to grotty areas will stay on the market longer and eventually will be someone's best choice.

Make it clear to your buyers that you won't move until you have found the right place and hopefully you will find your perfect place and be able to snap it up before anyone else.

I had to downsize due to divorce, I do still miss the big house I had to give up but I do love the house I have now been in for 17 years. From the choices I could afford I went for a slightly smaller house in a better road and avoided the slightly larger places on rough estates. It was a good choice , hardly anyone moves from our road, it is tucked away and quiet , an unremarkable house but with lovely neighbours and no noise or trouble and AFFORDABLE . I love not having to stress about money .

Good luck with your home search.

BrassicWoman

I'm moving from a house to flat which suits my situation perfectly. My big housed work colleagues are not understanding. But hey, I can only use one bathroom at a time so why do I need 3? Financial stability is more important to me than extra room to store stuff I do not need.

Other people may tell you different as they justify having too much stuff :-) Spare money for experiences to remember in your old age will mean so much more than a conservatory and a playroom!

And a "good" or "improving" school is likely to put in more effort than an outstanding one. Also have you seen what Offsted measure, when they pop in to look at a teacher for 15 minutes once every year or two? Naff all to do with actual learning....

moneyistooshorttomention

Chanes wrote: »

How right Cakeguts is, you could find lovely neighbours where you move. But I can see how the shock of moving to something more manageable for you might sting, I really can. Think of the positives in the future rather than ponder what you cannot have from the past. And it is true, the future could turn things around again to something you would like more. You are being sensible and you know you are and you should feel some pride in making the decisions for the family that are for the good; read some of the posts, so many bury their heads in the sand until they lose it all because they cannot face the reality. You can. Good for you!

I'd echo this.

I guess the positive take on your situation is to think that if you stayed put in your current house you would likely sink even further into debt. With that - somewhere along the line you could find yourselves facing IVA or even bankruptcy. If it was IVA - you would be letting other people down by making them wait for money you owed them. If it was bankruptcy - you would be letting other people down big-time by taking advantage of a law that allows people never to repay their debts (but those people concerned would never forget they were still owed that money by you - speaking as a friend of someone still owed money some years later by a bankrupt). You'll never wonder what people might be saying about you behind your back (and maybe to a would-be possible friend/employer/etc).

Doing things this way - you clear the financial slate and don't owe anyone any money and have your self-respect. You can take pride in being clear-sighted enough to view things dispassionately enough to deal with them before they go too far (which is more than many people would do). You can take pride in the fact you aren't risking owing people money forever more (courtesy of bankrupt status). Be proud of yourself for handling the situation better than a lot of other people would do.

Sympathies at losing the house you have - and fingers crossed you might be able to work your way back to a similar one at some future point. But, you never know, the next house might be one you could come to accept and even be happy in in time - fingers crossed.

NicNicP

Totally agree with cakeguts. We moved earlier this year and although it's the same area (just down the road from where we were) we moved from a council estate (where many people own their own home) to the 'better' part. We much preferred our old neighbours and the community feel where we lived. One of our new neighbours is a bit stuck up and many just don't even speak. No one brought our bins in for us when we went away yet at our old house our neighbours even watered our new lawns we'd had put down and referred our shed roof while he was doing his! Although you'll probably miss your home, you can still be happy in a smaller house with fabulous neighbours and less debt!

Kynthia

It's hard as when people move they are usually doing so fir a property they consider better and that they like. It must be hard to choose a house that's £100 less. If it was just for £200pm then I'd look at every other option before moving. However you've said that there's also better job prospects, family, and possibly free assistance with chidcare, all of which will make your family better off financially and non - financially. Once you are actually moved and have made the place your own with a luck of paint and a few small touches yiu will feel better, and will lose that weight on your shoulders that being trapped in a place you can't afford has put there. I hope you find a smaller place that you believe you can love.

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

When you were living in a "lovely area" how much time did you spend worrying about people who were already in the place you are moving to, and wanted to be somewhere nicer?