Concerns about my mother

Bouncybubbles

Hi all my mother suffers from mental health issues (only depression confirmed but I'm sure there is underlying bipolar etc). She is in her early 60's and lives with my stepdad who is her fourth marriage. He is a very unwell man and I genuinely don't think he has long left. So to get to the point she is in a council bungalow and has NHS pension (which I don't think is a lot), if he dies she will have half of his private pension roughly £200/month plus state pension if she reaches that age prior to anything happening to him (which I cant see happening). Now her rent is £400ish/month and she has an argos card with roughly £1000 on it owing. Basically my concerns are with her having an income of roughly £400/month should anything happen prior to state pension age how will she afford to live? she has had a pie in the sky idea of moving in with myself and my husband however we only live in a two bedroom house and hope to have a baby next year. Plus with her being so 'young' Longevity is in our genes and she could well live into her 90's meaning a very long stay with me. Which I know full well would cause my husband to leave. I have two half sisters one (eldest) who lives 200 miles away and hates our mother and a middle sister who is going to move to cornwall in the next 3-4 years or so. So it will be me left to deal with all of this. I get easily worried about things and this has been bothering me for months! Any help/advice appreciated thanks all

Dill

I would think she would be entitled to housing benefit, which would pay most if not all of the rent?

Regarding the £1000 debt she would need to negotiate payments. In some cases a token £1 payment is made initially while they decide on an affordable re-payment plan.

In short she does not need to push herself onto her daughter and son in law, and it would be better if she didn't!

Detroit

She should visit CAB who will advise on any benefit entitlement, and can also arrange a repayment plan for her debt.

She will certainly not be expected to meet her full rent liability and essential living expenses on this level of income without assistance from benefits; unless there are other factors such as property she doesn't live in, savings, or capital that you haven't mentioned.

Pollycat

As your post is about how your Mum will manage when her husband dies, it sounds like she doesn't have serious money issues right now so why doesn't she concentrate on paying off the Argos debt?
And - if at all possible - avoid running up any more debt.

Assuming she has (or will have) little or no savings (under £16k I believe) she should qualify for Housing Benefit and Council Tax Reduction (at the very worst she'll get the 25% reduction for single occupancy).

If it's going to cause serious issues in your own relationship if you take her in (and saying your husband will leave if she does is pretty serious, imho) then you should start disabusing her of that idea right now and never waver.

Kynthia

So she'll have her NHS pension, half her husband's pension, be due her state pension soon plus any savings. If she is below a certain threshold she'll be able to claim pension credit until her state pension and possibly after if she hasn't got a fill state pension (does she have a forecast yet). She may also be able to claim housing benefit and reduced council tax. So when the time cones she shoukd speak to Age Concern for advice. It does sound like paying off her debts now would be a good idea.

Pollycat

Kynthia wrote: »

So she'll have her NHS pension, half her husband's pension, be due her state pension soon plus any savings. If she is below a certain threshold she'll be able to claim pension credit until her state pension and possibly after if she hasn't got a fill state pension (does she have a forecast yet). She may also be able to claim housing benefit and reduced council tax. So when the time cones she shoukd speak to Age Concern for advice. It does sound like paying off her debts now would be a good idea.

If she's early 60s - even assuming age 63 - it will be just over a year before she gets her state pension.

And I understand that she would not be eligible to claim Pension Credit until she reaches state pension age.

missbiggles1

If her husband dies when she is below pension age she should be eligible for a lump sum Bereavement Payment of £2k and Bereavement Allowance of £112 pw for a year after his death.

https://www.gov.uk/bereavement-payment/eligibility
https://www.gov.uk/bereavement-allowance

Financially she should be fine.

AylesburyDuck

Bouncybubbles wrote: »

Hi all my mother suffers from mental health issues (only depression confirmed but I'm sure there is underlying bipolar etc). She is in her early 60's and lives with my stepdad who is her fourth marriage. He is a very unwell man and I genuinely don't think he has long left. So to get to the point she is in a council bungalow and has NHS pension (which I don't think is a lot), if he dies she will have half of his private pension roughly £200/month plus state pension if she reaches that age prior to anything happening to him (which I cant see happening). Now her rent is £400ish/month and she has an argos card with roughly £1000 on it owing. Basically my concerns are with her having an income of roughly £400/month should anything happen prior to state pension age how will she afford to live? she has had a pie in the sky idea of moving in with myself and my husband however we only live in a two bedroom house and hope to have a baby next year. Plus with her being so 'young' Longevity is in our genes and she could well live into her 90's meaning a very long stay with me. Which I know full well would cause my husband to leave. I have two half sisters one (eldest) who lives 200 miles away and hates our mother and a middle sister who is going to move to cornwall in the next 3-4 years or so. So it will be me left to deal with all of this. I get easily worried about things and this has been bothering me for months! Any help/advice appreciated thanks all

It will only be you left to deal with it if you allow yourself to be manipulated into it. Only do as much or as little as you yourself are comfy with, with the rest gently point her to CAB for advice on benefits she may get.
Make it plain now that living with you is a total no no and is not on the cards.
Also depending on her mental health prognosis this advice may change so maybe HER health may be a priority.

Kynthia

Pollycat wrote: »

If she's early 60s - even assuming age 63 - it will be just over a year before she gets her state pension.

And I understand that she would not be eligible to claim Pension Credit until she reaches state pension age.

Apologies, I knew men could get it before state pension age but I hadn't realised women couldn't. While women of the same age have a lower state pension age I think both men and women can claim it from the lower age if I understand correctly.

Savvy_Sue

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Make it plain now that living with you is a total no no and is not on the cards.

this. Cracked record. Every time she makes the merest whisper of a suggestion that when her partner dies she should move in with you "Sorry mum, that's not going to be possible." Don't apologise (beyond that first sorry), don't justify, don't explain. It's just not going to be possible.

You can go on to show how she could manage her finances better, if she's open to that, but don't be manipulated.

Jenniefour

Agree with other posters excellent advice about dealing immediately with your mother's expectation that she is going to move in with you and your husband, and reminding her about that should it be necessary. Your Mum will probably not be happy about that, but it is far better to avoid a bigger upset about this later - e.g. when her husband has passed away and you might find it more difficult to deal with in those circumstances. Saying nothing when someone mentions their pie in the sky ideas can often be construed as agreement - "well, you never said anything so I thought it was OK".

She may also be less likely to co-operate in seeking advice about her future benefits entitlements if she thinks it's not that important because she assumes she's going to live with you.

It may help to know exactly when your mother is eligible for her state pension, and you may already have this information. If not, you can get the exact date from the government pension website very easily.

All the best, OP.