Advice needed re: asked to leave home and children...living with mum, what can I do

cte1111

Just on one specific point - you complain about your children sometimes preferring to spend Sundays with their friends or at parties or a christening. Would you rather your children were excluded from parties and seeing their friends? Your ex can't ask people to only organise birthday parties on a Saturday but perhaps you can be flexible enough to sometimes switch the day that you see them?

Kynthia

A lot of what you are asking is relationship and break - up advice and tge mortgages board isn't the best place for that so it might affect the advice you are given here.

You aren't married so legally whatever is in each of your names you own or owe. To change this one of you would need to take the other to court and it won't be necessarily awarded on what's fair but on contract law and agreements you made, as there aren't courts and laws for living as married but not. Of you can agree things in mediation that might be fairer and cheaper. You would also need a court order to force a sale, which although may be less likely with children there, isn't necessarily not going to happen. It's worth getting legal advice on this and the loans, plus maybe tge child maintenance and access. Find a solicitor experienced in family law and break-ups of unmarried couples. You probably want to get advice so that you know what is reasonable to ask for at mediation.

Fthats

Thank you for all your replies.

Sorry you are right, there are a lot of relationship issues I raise as well as financial, - some not relevant to this board, looking back a my post I see that now. It's complicated because everything seems linked in some way.

I spoke to somebody yesterday who is putting me in contact with a solicitor so hopefully I can know where I stand legally.

Kynthia

Fthats wrote: »

Thank you for all your replies.

Sorry you are right, there are a lot of relationship issues I raise as well as financial, - some not relevant to this board, looking back a my post I see that now. It's complicated because everything seems linked in some way.

I spoke to somebody yesterday who is putting me in contact with a solicitor so hopefully I can know where I stand legally.

I hope you get some good and accurate advice.

kelpie35

I would also ask your legal advisor if you could move back into the family home.

This might help your health situation, but there again it might not as it could become more stressful.

I hope your situation improves and that you can have a wonderful relationship with your children.

MortgageMamma

Had a lump in my throat when I read through this, but after 2 divorces of my own I would!


When I first read this I immediately felt that your ex had, as you say "engineered" it for you to leave the property. In your shoes I would move straight back in, there is no reason for you to be away from your kids they need you and they are yours as much as hers.


That said children are not possessions and if you adopted this tactic you would have to be extremely careful not to say/do anything detrimental to the childrens mental health, i.e. arguing etc.


It occurred to me that perhaps you could find a way to communicate your feelings to your ex - perhaps write her a letter explaining how you feel about being tricked out of your own home, how you miss your children and that you've been a good provider and you are suffering both emotionally and financially - how it upsets you when you can't see them on a Sunday (perhaps you could take them to playdates and parties?). Ask her to explain why she is inflicting such suffering on you and alienating you from your children?


Good luck with it all, I do think the majority of men get a raw deal when divorcing/separating - hopefully your ex will realise how badly she has treated you and become more amicable.