I want a job

hello_there_2

I don't know if I've posted this is the right place.
I have some social anxiety. I can go out with my family and friends. We go shopping or cafes. Im ok as long as people leave me alone. I get a little nervous around some people but it's something I can cope with. But when someone does or says something bad I can't cope and want to run away and cry. Here's an example... Yesterday, I was in Tesco with my parents, where an incident happened. A woman was 1000000% in the wrong but blamed me for her doings. As she walked past me, she gave me an evil look. I tried to hold back my tears, and walked away from my parents because I didn't want them to see. I felt pathetic for being upset. I was fine shopping until the incident happened but then wanted to get home. I know something like that can upset people but I hate myself for being so upset by it. That's one of the milder things. There's been worse people and I have been much worse because of it.
I used to work in retail because everyone told me that the more you put yourself out there, the stronger you will become. So I did that on and off for a few years but it has made me much, much worse. I was scared the entire time waiting for an 'attack' either from customers or co-workers. Now I have a panic attack just at the thought of working in a shop again or anything that involves interacting with people. I feel better when I get lost in a crowd, where I'm just a another face and no one takes any notice of me.
I live with my parents who pay for my living expenses (food, heating etc.). I love them for doing this but I hate myself at the same time. I am an adult and hate it that I can't take care of myself financially. I tell them I will pay them back one day but they say they don't want a penny. I feel like a leech.
I want to work. I want to be able to go to work, do the job and come home relaxed, not scared or panicked. I want to be a normal adult. I feel like a below par human being. I don't know what to do to move forward, to try to get to that position. I feel stuck, knowing where I want to be but not knowing how to get there. I want to be part of the rat race, do the 9 to 5, pay my way.

How can I get there?

Takeaway_Addict

Have you actually had help solving the issues in hand?

atolaas

Do you have any hobbies or interests that you might want to pursue as a profession? Alternatively you could try volunteering - charity shops are always looking for staff and you only need work a couple of hours per week initially. Do little things to build your confidence. Small steps are key. Good luck :-)

[Deleted User]

Try and build up a relationship with a recruitment consultant. Be honest with them as to your character and let them assess you. As to where best you might fit in.

I once went for a telesales exec job through your little 'small enough to care' agency, they could tell I wasn't suitable, I nearly ranted when I heard nothing back at 'wasted time' but didn't on that occasion. Couple of years later I was considered a temp for their Accounts Office with older folk. (That would have gone permie as well) so you never know what's around the corner. Speculate to accumulate. I am sure you are not really a burden on the parents x

hello_there_2

Sorry i have taken so long to reply. I haven't been to the forum since this post because I was afraid some people may had told me to grow a pair. Which I have been told to my face. Thank you for being helpful and thoughtful.
I went to the doctors once and told her what was happening. She asked if there was any problems with a boyfriend. Why would she ask that when I didn't even mention anything to do with relationships? I told her the truth: I don't have a boyfriend. She gave me some tablets which I researched online when I got home and found they're B vitamins! I haven't been to see the doctor since.
I tried working in a charity shop but found it just like any other shop I didn't last long.
I like arts and crafts and I'm hoping to make some cards that my parents will take to work with her and see if any of her coworkers want to buy. I enjoy leaving reviews of movies and TV shows I've seen on imb. I don't know if that could lead onto a job.
Are recruitment consultants in agencies more in tune to people than those at the Job Centre?

ACG

What about working in a library?
Selling cards through your parents isnt really going to bring you an income, at best it will be spending money. Dont get me wrong its great your parents are happy to help and im sure mine would be the same, but you do need to find a way to stop relying on your parents. Personally, I am a big believer in being thrown in at the deep end and your parents are not helping you long term here. I always remember my mum coming in to me one morning and going balistic at me for not having a job. It was the best thing she ever did. I went out and got a job which has turned in to a career (although I admit I got lucky).

You have all this time on your hands, why not put it to good use? Learn a skill? Become a translator maybe?
Start an ecommerce site/sell on ebay - there will be wholesalers near you or you could sell your cards, but your going to need to sell a lot of cards to generate an income.

Best of luck.

daytona0

hello_there wrote: »

She asked if there was any problems with a boyfriend. Why would she ask that when I didn't even mention anything to do with relationships? I told her the truth: I don't have a boyfriend. She gave me some tablets which I researched online when I got home and found they're B vitamins! I haven't been to see the doctor since.

I've just done a quick google search and I can't trust the source, but it seems that B vitamins regulate sex organs/hormones and may also reduce anxiety (some other sites state social anxiety). Source: http://www.care2.com/greenliving/boost-your-libido-with-vitamin-b.html

So I wonder if asking the boyfriend question was a subtle way of seeing whether you could have a B vitamins deficiency Or is that why you have refused to go back to the doctor and got upset?

I'd get lynched by other posters on here for taking the usual heavy-handed approach, so I will just say that you need to either try the meds as prescribed by a professional or seek other help. Health is more important that work.

nmr1991

I'm in the same boat except my social anxiety issues are a bit less impacting on daily life, in the sense that I can handle all sorts of noises and can raise my voice to accommodate peoples needs, but there are some environments i.e. night clubs, disco/parties, crowds that my voice no matter how much I change it cannot be heard. I had my adolescent life filled with doubt about how I perceived the world and how I felt judged by everyone around me, but i've moved past all that, such as whenever I acknowledge someone's feedback I pretend to know what they are talking about, they don't ask questions about how I speak to them which my family does nearly all the time where to a point I think they just do it on purpose.

Enough bout my issues, i'm currently in unpaid work which seems to be indefinite as it is charity based, at first it was daunting but I seemed to get along fine, as it is just voluntary I can opt out at any time if I found it to be too taxing on my mental health but so far it hasn't affected anything apart from a little physical activity. For the record though, I don't take vitamin supplements, nor do I take any anxiety medication.

Least now I know why i'm not eligible for disability benefits, where there are so many scrounging off them with the same conditions I have.

Mr.Generous

try writing books and self publish on kindle. If I had more time thats what I'd do. I have 5 books self published on kindle at the moment, and sell on average 150 per month. It started off really slowly, 1 or 2 per week. I think its the "people who bought x also bought ... that promotes them, I dont advertise anywhere. The reviews are good which helps. If your writing you are your own boss, no one will shout at you and you can let your imagination run wild. You can research anything for a story online. What have you got to loose?
chriss rob - the amazing author speaking!!

Lamentation

If you look at the first post I made, you will uncover lots of tips, techniques, websites and books that people recommended to tackle anxiety. I tried some of them and they didn't work, others worked for a bit, some I've stuck with because they help with my general well-being.

Charity work doesn't just have to be shop-based, though I appreciate where a person lives can limit their opportunities. In my city, there are dozens of different types of roles in many different areas - admin, fundraising, advice, markeeting, companionship, food banks, animals, mentoring and so on. I'm a volunteer in an area dealing with vulnerable people - at least I know how they feel and I get to develop my social skills (I hate customer service roles and retail, already have good amin skills, no interest in marketing etc). Find a different voluntary role.

Book another appointment with a different GP. You may find the vitamins were given to you if you came across as a bit run down or mentioned a loss of appetite, for example. I got a prescription like this after admitting to losing a lot of weight in a short period of time because I found it hard to eat. Ask the next GP why you got them and that you didn't feel your anxiety was addressed.

Caroline_a

More and more people are now finding that vitamin deficiencies and imbalances are causing symptoms such as anxiety or fatigue. I know of at least 4 people who have been diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome and/or depression in the last 6 months, who are now on vitamin supplements and are much better to the point of being able to return to work!

I wouldnt dismiss those vitamin B tablets!