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How to approach finance with parents
JackRussell
Posts: 131 Forumite
I'm looking for some advice/help...
My folks are looking at moving/downsizing, and although we agree with the reasons behind their decision, we (myself, wife & brother) have a few niggles. I've tried to summaries as follows;
- They're aren't well off, but are comfortable, however the difference between old house and what they are looking at is about £60k.
- Both are retired.
- They haven't been in the housing market for over 40 years.
The problems we face probably come because they are "parents" and therefore know the worldly ways better than their own kids.
The last time they bought a house was over 40 years ago, and between me, my wife and my brother, in the past 10 years we have sold 5 houses so feel we have a bit more experience.
It came to light, when speaking to them about the house they are looking at. They told the estate agent that they would not be offering over the asking price
Obviously they think gazumping is still common!
We told them they need to go in with an offer of around 20% less, but at the same time, to be prepared to receive offers on theres 20% less which my Dad said he would never accept.
My worry is, like most people in their 70's/80's dad runs the bills. Mum probably has no idea on savings, spendings etc as they still have seperate accounts. Dad pays mums M&S card, chooses Sky package, changes phone/elec provider etc etc.
We have always been taught well by them both, on how NOT to live off credit cards so I know they have a few pounds stuck away. In the past dad has been made redundant and as a result, set up his own comany rather than settle on state handouts. A very proud man who I admire, yet stubborn too (a triat passed on to me).
They are more than happy to accept advice from me when it comes to mobile phones, computers, energy suppliers etc, but this is proving somewhat different. The problem is getting through to them and checking they aren't stretching themselves too much.
My brother is living down south, we are all up north. My wife although backs me, understandably wont lead the discussions so it's fallen to me.
Has anyone had this issue? Any advice on how to approach the subject with a mum who leaves money matters to dad, and dad who can be stubborn?
In terms of relationship between us all. Its very good, so its not that we need to tread on egg shells for any other reason that the matter can be sensitive.
My folks are looking at moving/downsizing, and although we agree with the reasons behind their decision, we (myself, wife & brother) have a few niggles. I've tried to summaries as follows;
- They're aren't well off, but are comfortable, however the difference between old house and what they are looking at is about £60k.
- Both are retired.
- They haven't been in the housing market for over 40 years.
The problems we face probably come because they are "parents" and therefore know the worldly ways better than their own kids.
The last time they bought a house was over 40 years ago, and between me, my wife and my brother, in the past 10 years we have sold 5 houses so feel we have a bit more experience.
It came to light, when speaking to them about the house they are looking at. They told the estate agent that they would not be offering over the asking price
Obviously they think gazumping is still common!We told them they need to go in with an offer of around 20% less, but at the same time, to be prepared to receive offers on theres 20% less which my Dad said he would never accept.
My worry is, like most people in their 70's/80's dad runs the bills. Mum probably has no idea on savings, spendings etc as they still have seperate accounts. Dad pays mums M&S card, chooses Sky package, changes phone/elec provider etc etc.
We have always been taught well by them both, on how NOT to live off credit cards so I know they have a few pounds stuck away. In the past dad has been made redundant and as a result, set up his own comany rather than settle on state handouts. A very proud man who I admire, yet stubborn too (a triat passed on to me).
They are more than happy to accept advice from me when it comes to mobile phones, computers, energy suppliers etc, but this is proving somewhat different. The problem is getting through to them and checking they aren't stretching themselves too much.
My brother is living down south, we are all up north. My wife although backs me, understandably wont lead the discussions so it's fallen to me.
Has anyone had this issue? Any advice on how to approach the subject with a mum who leaves money matters to dad, and dad who can be stubborn?
In terms of relationship between us all. Its very good, so its not that we need to tread on egg shells for any other reason that the matter can be sensitive.
:j Only just realised there is an IGNORE button to filter out narcissistic trolls :j
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Comments
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Might an 'accidental-on'purpose' meeting with the family solicitor (as a sort of preliminary testing of the house selling waters these days) be a good opportunity for someone trusted but also independent to suggest a better approach to your digging-in-of-heels father?0
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If they are downsizing how come its costing them more?JackRussell wrote: »I'm looking for some advice/help...
My folks are looking at moving/downsizing, and although we agree with the reasons behind their decision, we (myself, wife & brother) have a few niggles. I've tried to summaries as follows;
- They're aren't well off, but are comfortable, however the difference between old house and what they are looking at is about £60k.
- Both are retired.
- They haven't been in the housing market for over 40 years.
The problems we face probably come because they are "parents" and therefore know the worldly ways better than their own kids.
The last time they bought a house was over 40 years ago, and between me, my wife and my brother, in the past 10 years we have sold 5 houses so feel we have a bit more experience.
It came to light, when speaking to them about the house they are looking at. They told the estate agent that they would not be offering over the asking price Obviously they think gazumping is still common!
We told them they need to go in with an offer of around 20% less, but at the same time, to be prepared to receive offers on theres 20% less which my Dad said he would never accept.
My worry is, like most people in their 70's/80's dad runs the bills. Mum probably has no idea on savings, spendings etc as they still have seperate accounts. Dad pays mums M&S card, chooses Sky package, changes phone/elec provider etc etc.
We have always been taught well by them both, on how NOT to live off credit cards so I know they have a few pounds stuck away. In the past dad has been made redundant and as a result, set up his own comany rather than settle on state handouts. A very proud man who I admire, yet stubborn too (a triat passed on to me).
They are more than happy to accept advice from me when it comes to mobile phones, computers, energy suppliers etc, but this is proving somewhat different. The problem is getting through to them and checking they aren't stretching themselves too much.
My brother is living down south, we are all up north. My wife although backs me, understandably wont lead the discussions so it's fallen to me.
Has anyone had this issue? Any advice on how to approach the subject with a mum who leaves money matters to dad, and dad who can be stubborn?
In terms of relationship between us all. Its very good, so its not that we need to tread on egg shells for any other reason that the matter can be sensitive.
Also, if they don't want advice then leave them to it.Don't trust a forum for advice. Get proper paid advice. Any advice given should always be checked0 -
They're retired and financially comfortable, so clearly know how to handle their own affairs. Not sure why you need to get involved.0
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I can't see anything wrong in what they're doing. Their attitude to selling and buying is no different to many younger people!0
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Well, presumably because downsizing is very much the right thing for them to do at this point in life to make the future easier eg garden upkeep, housework, utility bills.
If Dad is going into this absolutely determined that he won't accept a penny less than his envisaged price, they're going to be in for a long and disappointing search, wasting fuel, effort, opportunity and perhaps most importantly, time.
Edit to add: Isn't this akin to the recent thread on the Deaths forum '2 executors can't agree on price...' an equally silly and ultimately futile way of going on.0 -
Sorry OP can't really see what you need help with.
Housing:
At some point solicitor & estate agents will be on hand for advice.
They pay what you feel is too high a price but they are happy.
They learn themselves through the process their expectations are unrealistic.
I can see your Mum being left in a position to manage finances on her own is a concern, but she presumably will have support from family IF that happens.0 -
Be there to provide advice should they require it, further than that they are your parents, unsolicited advice is a risky business as they get older.
They sound (by your own admission) as they are sound and sensible, so i'm sure they will ask if need be.
Trust them, be a sounding block or even a shoulder, more than that you could be faced with an unpleasant situation if you treat them with any less respect than their age deserves.,Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.If it walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, it's a Duck.0 -
I don't see what the problem is personally. I'd butt out of their decisions.0
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Geee! The joy of how posts come across in forums as opposed to face to face discussions.
OK just to clear a few points up, we are NOT meddling in anyway shape or form, but also we don't want them to make a decision which will cost them needlessly - surely something most people would do in this position?
He's not that bad just a bit stubborn, as I say, like myself.paddy's_mum wrote: »digging-in-of-heels father
Because they're moving to different area.Takeaway_Addict wrote: »If they are downsizing how come its costing them more?
Getting involved v's offering advice are two very different things.Not sure why you need to get involved.
So you think showing your cards to an estate agent who is acting in the sellers best interest is normal?Alice_Walker wrote: »Their attitude to selling and buying is no different to many younger people!
Thats what I am trying to avoid. We're very open family and discuss money, death, parenting, adoption... a whole load of things which many other families either don't or have never had the need to, and never had any issues. But usually it is us getting the advice from them. Thanks.AylesburyDuck wrote: »you could be faced with an unpleasant situation if you treat them with any less respect than their age deserves.
Thanks for your constructive advice! Very mature.'d butt out of their decisions.:j Only just realised there is an IGNORE button to filter out narcissistic trolls :j0 -
Talking of special.
Dont fall for it OP, feeding times over.,Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.If it walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, it's a Duck.0
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