Should my conscience bothered me.

Loadsabob

I don't think charging adult offspring rent is the same thing as "charging your children rent" - it's not like mugging your 14 year old after their paper-round!

The costs of having a child may continue for life, but surely after 18, we're talking about young adults here, capable of working, earning a living and supporting themselves, and I think parents do no favours to children if they don't assist them in being responsible for themselves.

In the past, children often left home earlier to have familes (I'm talking more recent decades)...now people are living with parents into often their late twenties, because they can't afford to buy houses. I think when you have an adult child living with you, you can rightfully expect them to be self-sufficient. I was, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I never felt less loved or looked after for paying my way!

I'm not dismissing your view, Bendypops, I think a lot of parents would feel uncomfortable charging rent even to adult children; but from the experiences of friends in their mid-late twenties, I CAN say that none of them have stayed too long with partners (particularly males!) who have not had to support themselves and learnt the cost of living (or how to cook, budget etc). They make terrible partners!!!

Bendybops19

I guess when ur talking 'adult offspring' that is fine. For example, my sister is moving back to the family home for a few months along with her husband whilst they are buying a house, and i am sure that they will be paying rent, i would expect it of them.
So i guess i do agree with you loadsabob!
I think if the child is working, some rent should be expected, assuming that they are paying rent that is in line with what they are earning?

Xbigman

jellyhead wrote:

why would you have to pay the CSA if she returned to her mothers? if she's left full time education you don't have to pay maintenance, correct me if i'm wrong?

Oh I so want to give you a long reply but it would be totally negative towards her mother and boring.

In short, legally you are correct I wouldn't have to pay if she had a job. Her chances of keeping a job living with her mother are zero.

Statistic;
Days off sick last year at school (living with mother) - 84
Days off sick fist year at college (living with me) - 1/2 a day (Dentist).

Nuff said.
Regards



X

jellyhead

okay, i see your point :-) it was a long time ago and things might have changed but i'm sure my father didn't have to pay maintenance for my sister after she left education, and for much of the time she was 16-19 she didn't have a job, she didn't do anything at all but i don't think he had to pay. but rules might have changed since i was a nipper.

catznine

When my son took a gap year and took on a full time job (to save up for going to uni) we charged him rent of about £100 a month. He was not at all happy about this as you can imagine but we stuck to our guns as we were not too confident that he was aware of how much the uni experience would cost him! How right we were! He soon got used to budgeting for the £100 we took off him but he never got around to saving anything for uni.

When the time came for him to start his course he had nothing saved but then we gave him over £1,000 that we had saved for him - the look of surprise on his face was worth all the arguments and sulks! After 3 years away and having to exist on very little and now several years living away from home he is now very financially astute and has in fact also cleared several thousands of pounds of debt (student loans etc). He has learnt to budget (better than us in fact) and is now even managing to save some money!

It wasn't easy and some friends thought we were being very hard on him but it has paid dividends, he is now totally independant and we are very proud of him!

radarhunnihawk

I just want to put in my thoughts as the child, as it where.

When I was at uni (okay so I only lasted a year but it still counts!) and living at home my parents did take board and lodge off me and its something I was glad they did as it helped me budget, a valuable life lesson I would think. It helped me budget so well in fact that I managed to have a pretty nice amount left over the summer hols and during my job hunting time, again something I was glad of whilst the nice people at the benifits place attempted to get through the paper work. Now I am in work and just about to enter the education game again I am faily good with money, I am not claiming to be great but I am only 22 but well have actual savings and stuff. I dont think I would be as smart with money as I actually am If it was not for parents making me pay them

So I would say yes definitly take the money off her , she may complain now but she will thank you later for it.

:username:

spendaholic wrote:

What my mom used to do once she didn't need the money so much was still have "keep" off us, and anything she didn't need or use went into a bank account she set up. Then, when we left home/got married/needed something she had something to give us back without having to cut corners to do so. It still taught us that we have to pay for our keep

Thats what my mum did and thats now £5000 that went to my house deposit.

I was shocked to say the least!!!!

I say take the money but if you don't need it save it for her.

freebie_junkie

Debt_Free_Chick wrote:

I think you should charge her keep anyway - even if you were a millionaire! It will help to teach her about the value of money, budgetting and money-saving. Those skills will be invaluable when she leaves home.

Also, it will help to "keep her feet on the ground" and prevent her turning into a sponger!

i totally agree, i always had to pay my way and since living alone teh last 3 years ive had no probs with my rent and bills etc and keeping my place nice. i know people my age (23) who never did have to contribute either money-wise or by doing their fair share of housework (many who still dont!) and theyre pretty much spoilt brats and one lad who has just moved into his first home at 24 is already having problems with his bills and his place is an utter pig sty. make sure that as well as taking responsibility towards the bills your daughter also takes responsibility towards the upkeep of the house as she will also have to be able to cook, clean, wash, iron etc. when she does move out in teh future. in my opinion its your parents' responsibility to make you into a grown-up who can look after yourself not keep you a kid who is reliant on their parents, your approach is refeshing and i think its totally right like radarhunnihawk i also have a nice amount of savings and have just satrted my own busines despite not having finished my degree yet (3rd year starts on monday!) my mates who go mollycoddled are largely in debt with overdrafts, credit cards etc. and im not. teachign your daughter to be self-sufficient and taht money doesnt grow on trees are the most important lessons that you can i think.

freebie_junkie

:username: wrote:

Thats what my mum did and thats now £5000 that went to my house deposit.

I was shocked to say the least!!!!

I say take the money but if you don't need it save it for her.

id feel so guilty taking that amoutn of money off my rents. it took them 2 montsh to convince me i wanted a £500 computer off them for my 21st.