help needed

5babyblues

my marriage is falling apart, my husband sees my children two days a week occasionaly, I live in his house with no income as my twins are only 6 months I am not on the mortgage, obviously we cannot cut ties completely as we have children, his job means he is mainly away sometimes months at a time. he would never kick me out on the street and pays the mortgage and sends 300 a month to me to cover the kids food, I am unsure how to go about finding my own place and a job whilst on my own with 5 children, four being under 5 years old. it is going to be so much upheaval, hee says stay here because he dosent want the house to be empty when hes gone and hee will stay at his mums but I am unsure if this would work, he feels there is hope for us, but I'm fed up. I am a single parent wether he is around or not.

Detroit

5babyblues wrote: »

my marriage is falling apart, my husband sees my children two days a week occasionaly, I live in his house with no income as my twins are only 6 months I am not on the mortgage, obviously we cannot cut ties completely as we have children, his job means he is mainly away sometimes months at a time. he would never kick me out on the street and pays the mortgage and sends 300 a month to me to cover the kids food, I am unsure how to go about finding my own place and a job whilst on my own with 5 children, four being under 5 years old. it is going to be so much upheaval, hee says stay here because he dosent want the house to be empty when hes gone and hee will stay at his mums but I am unsure if this would work, he feels there is hope for us, but I'm fed up. I am a single parent wether he is around or not.

Do you need to go anywhere?

Your husband is happy for you to continue to live in the house (which you have rights to anyway, even if he is the only one responsible for the mortgage/sole owner) and he may continue to pay the mortgage to house you and your children.

Why would you want to have the upheaval of looking for another place, particularly when your babies are so young?

If your husband moves out, you will be entitled to benefits (assuming there are no issues with your immigration status that would prevent eligibility) and would not be expected to find work while your children are so young, unless if course you wished to do so.
You can calculate your benefit entitlement on the turn to us website at https://www.turn2us.co.uk/url] or visit CAB.

All that said, you don't give any reason for considering your marriage over, other than you're fed up as your husband is away a lot.

Ending a marriage where there are five young children is obviously a big step, and there's a huge difference between feeling like a single parent because your partner is busy working for the family, and actually being a single parent.

You won't be choosing an easy road, and there may be much pain ahead for your husband and children, which could make feeling fed up pale into insignificance by comparison.

Obviously I don't know your circumstances and seperation may be the right option for you.

However if you have doubts, talk to your husband. There may be changes that could be made to improve life as a couple and family.

krlyr

Are you sure your marriage is over? Have you considered couples therapy with someone like RELATE or similar?

Mojisola

5babyblues wrote: »

my marriage is falling apart,

my husband sees my children two days a week occasionaly,

I live in his house with no income as my twins are only 6 months

his job means he is mainly away sometimes months at a time

on my own with 5 children, four being under 5 years old

To be honest, anyone coping mostly alone with five very young children is going to be struggling! I wouldn't want to do it.

How much help do you get? Are you getting any sleep?

Have you spoken to any professionals (GP, Health Visitor, etc) about your situation?

If there is a Home Start charity in your area, talk to them and get some support.

Could your husband look for a different job so he was around much more for you and the children?

Sicard

krlyr wrote: »

Are you sure your marriage is over? Have you considered couples therapy with someone like RELATE or similar?

Depending on the area usually there's a long long waiting list.


OP you need to talk to someone trained in the talking therapies like counselling. Some GP surgeries offer it free.

Caz3121

how long have you been married? is this a recent job situation or has he always worked away?

Dill

What do you think you will gain by leaving or divorcing him, that you don't have now?

jamiehelsinki

Op do you mean he pays all the bills and sends 300 for food?

I can't see what you have to gain from moving out in a financial sense anyway.