Support for those caring for somebody with depression

Primrose

Not looking for medical advice but trying to support a friend who's struggling to support a severely depressed partner.

Are there any support forums or groups out there who can help or has anybody cared long term for somebody with this condition who can offer advice on actions/activities/techniques which might help?

.j.e.j

Are they living in or near a large town/city? There used to be an organisation called the Carers Centre which provided support and respite for carers. Hopefully they're still going, but I wouldn't be surprised if cutbacks have been made.

whitewing

Decision making can go to pot so offer between two choices, rather than overwhelming with many choices, especially on things that don't matter much anyway.

DigForVictory

For your friend, here are three weblinks. They may overlap a bit, but each may have something the others don't offer:

carersuk

mental health in the UK

& depressionuk has a page of links for carers

I hope some of these may help. You can also help your friend by making sure they get time out, exercise, proper food & sleep but that isn't always easy to arrange!

DomRavioli

Her GP practice (don't need an appointment) should have information on local carer's groups. Get them to pop in and ask - some even have them at the practice.

Lambyr

I'm a full-time carer for my mum, and have been for around twelve years.

Although depression isn't her primary condition and the reason I'm her carer, it has affected both of us during this time.

Depression, obviously, leads to feelings of helplessness. This feelings can transfer to the carer. As a carer, there's nothing so frustrating as being unable to wave a magic wand and make everything better. A lot of the time, when my mum is depressed I feel like a deer trapped in some headlights - can't move, can't think, don't know how to make her feel better. It can be tough. And it makes me feel bad, feel useless, feel like the worst daughter ever because I can't do anything to take it all away.

Your friend will need to learn, as hard as it is, to cut herself/himself some slack. At times they will feel frustrated, angry etc. and those feelings breed guilt and shame for feeling that way. I can't speak for every carer, but I do believe that carers have a tendency to place unrealistic and unreasonable expectations on themselves. We want to be super-strong, bulletproof. To this day, I'm still insistent that I'm not allowed to get ill and must power through everything.

But we're all human.

I think the most important advice I can offer to your friend is making sure they have some "me" time. Do make sure your friend reads up about their rights as a carer. Depending on the situation, they may be entitled to a Care Assessment from the local authority. And let them know they're not alone, because loneliness is a horrible thing when you're a carer. They may find some comfort speaking with other carers on the Carers UK forums, or some of the various carer groups on Facebook and Twitter.

Savvy_Sue

A while ago, someone mentioned Buddy Boxes, and I'd have said they'd be good for both carer and caree ...