Disheartening social situations

GlasweJen

Andypandyboy wrote: »

Nothing constructive to add, but I would just say that taking my MIL on holiday whilst she was temporarily in a wheelchair did open my eyes. It was as if she wasn't the same person, people spoke to us not to her and in lifts it was astounding, they crammed in, bags on shoulders bashing into her, ignoring her sat there, and their bottoms were almost in her face sometimes, yet they seemed oblivious. As I say, it did amaze me how in their own little bubbles some people are.

I've been the first person waiting for a lift only to have everyone behind me run into the lift and take up all the space before I can manoeuvre in. My favourite is when strangers at the supermarket rest their baskets on my lap when they're trying to reach something on a high shelf, I just roll away with their stuff.

GlasweJen

Alice_Walker wrote: »

What would you prefer they do? If they'd talked about you being in a wheelchair and then you'd not been successful, would you still feel you'd been treated unfairly?

I can't see how the employer can win here, and it comes across that your (understandable) disappointment is clouding your judgment.

Or just ask the question as written "this job requires fine motor skills, can you give examples of things you do that use these skills in your day to day life?"

I don't mind anyone asking me (not whoever is with me) why I'm in a chair, what do I use the chair for, how did I end up on wheels, mummy why does that ladies seat have wheels etc

If he had asked in a non awkward way I would have happily told him "I had a nerve damaged during heart surgery". As long as I didn't feel like my answer would have affected the outcome. Same as I didn't feel offended when one interviewer said "that's a beautiful ring, when's the wedding?".

DomRavioli

GlasweJen wrote: »

Or just ask the question as written "this job requires fine motor skills, can you give examples of things you do that use these skills in your day to day life?"

I don't mind anyone asking me (not whoever is with me) why I'm in a chair, what do I use the chair for, how did I end up on wheels, mummy why does that ladies seat have wheels etc

If he had asked in a non awkward way I would have happily told him "I had a nerve damaged during heart surgery". As long as I didn't feel like my answer would have affected the outcome. Same as I didn't feel offended when one interviewer said "that's a beautiful ring, when's the wedding?".

So do you know comprehensively that the interviewer did not have a disability? Because you're coming across as a judgemental preachy scary lady right now - and if that's how you came across in the interview, I wouldn't have hired you either.

You seem to be all for everyone allowing you dispensation for your disability without even the thought that others may have one too. I have a hidden disability (I've lost 60% of my sight, no cane, no dog, no nothing);; what is to say he didn't have one too?

Maybe take a long pause, look into yourself, and think if he did have one, would you be behaving like a spoilt brat?

Alice_Walker

GlasweJen wrote: »

Or just ask the question as written "this job requires fine motor skills, can you give examples of things you do that use these skills in your day to day life?"

I don't mind anyone asking me (not whoever is with me) why I'm in a chair, what do I use the chair for, how did I end up on wheels, mummy why does that ladies seat have wheels etc

If he had asked in a non awkward way I would have happily told him "I had a nerve damaged during heart surgery". As long as I didn't feel like my answer would have affected the outcome. Same as I didn't feel offended when one interviewer said "that's a beautiful ring, when's the wedding?".

And if they'd been more direct and you'd not got the job, what/ who would you be blaming then?

Maybe you just weren't the perfect candidate you thought you were. Maybe they've delayed the decision and you'll hear from them on Monday. Both far more likely than (in the situation you describe) you being discriminated against due to your disability.

GlasweJen

Given that the other interviewer looked funny at him when he asked it like that then yeah, I think I can say that it was out of the ordinary behaviour for him. He had all of the day before and most of the morning to get comfortable with the question so it's not like it was a new sentence with awkward wording that he was trying to get his head around and he was quite happy to stare at me when he wasn't asking questions.

And of course I didn't mention it in the interview, I was too busy working on my own eye contact and answering the questions.

GlasweJen

Alice_Walker wrote: »

And if they'd been more direct and you'd not got the job, what/ who would you be blaming then?

Maybe you just weren't the perfect candidate you thought you were. Maybe they've delayed the decision and you'll hear from them on Monday. Both far more likely than (in the situation you describe) you being discriminated against due to your disability.

Like I say if he'd just casually said "can I ask an off topic question, why are you in a wheelchair? I notice that you're a qualified ballet teacher" I would have just answered. If he said "do you think the wheelchair will get in the way at work" I would have been a bit insulted.

I'm more than prepared to accept that the best person got the job. The thread is about going into a room as a strong candidate and being made to feel like you've got no chance as other people get uncomfortable when faced with a wheelchair user.

I'm not ranting about sex discrimination because I was asked about getting married.

FBaby

I don't mind anyone asking me (not whoever is with me) why I'm in a chair, what do I use the chair for, how did I end up on wheels, mummy why does that ladies seat have wheels etc

Maybe you don't, but some do and would complain that there was no need to discuss them being in a wheelchair and that it was very offensive to ask this question.

That's the problem, what one person would rather be asked can be totally offending to another, so it's hard to know what to say and some people panic, certain that whatever they say will be interpreted as prejudiced.

I find it hard to know how to be best behave with a disabled person for exactly that reason. I have discussed it with the few friends I know well enough to discuss with, and none one said the same as to how they prefer people to deal with their disability. What they told me though is when in doubt, the best thing is to be myself because in the end, I do intend best, so even if I get it wrong, it's better that I tried and got it wrong than act awkward and therefore come across as if I have an issue with their disability and when I certainly don't.

DomRavioli

GlasweJen wrote: »

Like I say if he'd just casually said "can I ask an off topic question, why are you in a wheelchair? I notice that you're a qualified ballet teacher" I would have just answered. If he said "do you think the wheelchair will get in the way at work" I would have been a bit insulted.

I'm more than prepared to accept that the best person got the job. The thread is about going into a room as a strong candidate and being made to feel like you've got no chance as other people get uncomfortable when faced with a wheelchair user.

I'm not ranting about sex discrimination because I was asked about getting married.

You seem to be obsessed with defaming this one person - what if he wasn't comfortable with asking you such a personal question? What if he had a disability himself that means he would be unable to make eye contact or ask difficult questions?

It's just very strange that you're singling out this one person over one question, and reading so much into it you are seeming paranoid.

kelpie35

I'm more than prepared to accept that the best person got the job. The thread is about going into a room as a strong candidate

That is your perception of the situation.

There are millions of people who apply for thousands of jobs every day but don't even get an interview or any acknowledgement.

Personally, I think you need to accept that the world does not revolve around GlasweJen

ab1982

Its easy to point the finger at GlasweJen here as the post does sound a little bitter at not getting the job (as most of us are when we dont get a job that we believe were a good candidate for) and it sounds like there is no hard evidence for discrimination. However she knows what its like to be in a wheelchair and probably has better judgement of how people treat her than those of us not in the same situation so who knows (well actually the point I am making is that if anybody does know it would be GlasweJen!).

FBaby makes a really good point, of course not everybody in a wheelchair wants to be treated in the same way, to state the obvious folk in a wheelchair are individuals.