Blowing in the Winds of Change

*Robin*

Hello everyone, :hello:

Well, that was a spectacular long weekend!

It was absolutely wonderful to spend some time with both younger Divos and GGF, especially at such a unique event.
What made it different was that it was truly inclusive. For someone who has laboured many years having to cope with one of the hidden disabilities which are usually either ignored or belittled by authorities, families and less-enlightened 'friends' alike, the experience was nothing short of a revelation.
The organisers had obviously thought deeply about how best to set up a short-term community where all residents' requirements are considered equally important. The result was a series of metaphorical interlocking circles; each one placed carefully in relation to the others, ensuring that everyone could make the most of all the activities on offer. There was plenty of space available and the infrastructure only had to last a week, which obviously made the organisers' task simpler - but even so their efforts must be applauded; town planners could learn much from this group of dedicated, enthusiastic volunteers. :T
The basic objective was to make sure everyone could enjoy themselves. Thus, the centre of loud powered music was as far as possible from an area designated as camping space for families with small children. Facilities for the [STRIKE]disabled[/STRIKE] differently-abled were placed to one side where it was quieter - with no through-traffic, so as not to upset folk with sensory issues - yet with easy access to all the entertainment (avoiding hills and rough terrain which would challenge people with limited mobility, their carers and equipment). Those who wanted a very peaceful environment - away from electric lighting and close to nature - had a separate encampment in a valley near beautiful mature woodlands..
Could wax lyrical in praise of the organisation and arrangements at much more length, but you get the idea. One other thing worth mentioning is that almost everybody took personal responsibility; if a child dropped a sweet wrapper, the person walking behind would pick it up then deposit it in the appropriate receptacle - the whole venue was cared for and left in as pristine a condition when all the visitors departed as they'd found it when they arrived (bar patches of lighter grass where tents and structures were placed). Driving away, it struck me how jealous Michael and Emily [Eavis] would have been if they'd seen the newly vacated site (:rotfl:)!

Originally, when I'd decided I wanted to fit in a 'proper holiday' as part of this summer's adventure, DS4 was going to be my support. But there could have been difficulties if I'd used so much energy before arriving that a total crash was inevitable; DS4 is quite happy to prepare food and walk CD, but he's not comfortable when personal care becomes necessary (at the Nest, it doesn't matter much if I can't shower or brush my hair on a particular day [or week ] as it's usually easy to avoid society at such times - but of course during this event I couldn't just wait and hope to recover sooner rather than later). We decided a better solution would be that DS4 contributed to the whole community by giving his time as a steward, while GGF helped keep me presentable and functioning as well as possible.
In fact all three of the youngsters looked after me very well indeed; one or other was cooking, washing up or tidying something every time I turned around - all I had to do was suggest meal ingredients and pamper CD!
..Am sooo lucky and blessed in the way m' offspring have turned out. :T
A couple of lads who spent holidays with us during the family's teen-swap years turned up too; it was great to see how they've blossomed into capable young men, and discuss their plans for the future with them.
While wandering about the different areas of the event, I also met several ex-work-mates and friends from over thirty years ago, then spotted two of our fellow students from the bee-keeping course, plus - most surprising of all - my savings-account manager!

Clever Dog was in her element; every time we ventured away from camper-van there seemed to be a queue of folk - adults as well as kids - waiting to stroke and cuddle her.. She was gracious with her favours as always, which meant I had to give the little talk about how much hard work it takes to look after a snow-dog properly, many many times to children who were asking their parents to buy one as soon as they got home.
But all the attention and unaccustomed activity almost caused a disaster: On Saturday night I was already preparing for bed when CD made it clear that she wanted another walk around site. Muggins forgot neither of us had taken our final daily dose of GP; the lunchtime one must have worn off by then. I stopped to listen to an acoustic musician playing in one of the marquees; someone gave me their chair so I told CD to sit down next to me. She just dropped! From standing to her normal 'sphinx' position seemingly without any muscle control in her legs.. When we set out to return to camper-van, it was obvious CD was in discomfort as she walked oh so slowly even compared to our norm - if I'd been strong enough to carry her I would have done.
CD wasn't interested in swallowing even high-value tidbits, obliging me to force-feed her a number of small doses of GP over the following hours (to maximise the effect - didn't want to start giving her human painkillers without expert approval - which was impossible while sitting in a field during the small hours of a weekend-night, hundreds of miles away from any vet who knows CD's history). Eventually she relaxed as the magic spice did it's work, and then we both got some sleep - but the next day I really needed GGF's help to achieve anything at all, and CD was obviously exhausted.

Sunday brought a surprise: GGF's grandparents, who'd driven down from Brum to see her. They were impressed with everything although the experience must have been waaay outside their comfort-zone; Granny even got to indulge her favourite pass-time - taking GGF shopping as they explored the streets full of market-stalls! :rotfl:
Our other family visitors - DSD1 and her partner - were not a success. Alas. Only saw 'em once: They barged straight into camper-van - not even knocking first - while I was having a much-needed siesta, then blethered on about themselves without pause, nor asking if it was a convenient time for me to entertain them. Refused a cuppa, instead cracking open cans they'd brought with 'em, before finally vanishing in a huff when I disagreed with DSD1-OH's ranting "solution" to the migrant crisis!
Their idea of fun generally involves vast quantities of booze, which wasn't reciprocated or tolerated by the event organisers. Luckily [for us] DSD1 & OH couldn't camp next to our little party so we weren't involved in whatever chaos ensued. Don't know exactly what happened, but DS4 said he saw them being escorted off site first thing the following morning. :mad:
..Suppose every family has it's black sheep, eh? <sigh>

Sun.A - sorry, I have no experience of young dogs getting "pollen allergy" [is that the same as hay-fever?]. It's late in the year for this kind of problem though, so shouldn't be too hard to work out exactly which plant your little girl is allergic to. Depending on the answer maybe you can avoid walks where said plant is/are found, or remove from the garden if it's plant of yours, and think about de-sensitisation next year. Hopefully the meds will kick in soon to ease her symptoms now.

Sparky - very glad I am to hear you're discovering the joys of dog-ownership! ..Doubt you spotted me waving like a loon as we crossed back over the bridge? No, you'll have been at work, not looking out of your bedroom window in the middle of the afternoon, lol.

Mila - yes CD is probably a very similar character to your Toby, except that she's much too big to climb onto anyone's lap!

Spends:
Spanish clothes not up to Welsh summer weather, so invested in a new pair of thicker trews and a gorgeous fluffy warm jacket - £60
DS3 birthday cash - £100
Street-Food & sundries on site - £30
Fuel top-up on the way back to base - £30

carolbee

It sounds wonderful, can you tell me which festival it was?

Glad CD recovered

You write so descriptively, I can see it all

joeyjimbles

What a wonderful sounding festival. Glad you and CD are back on the mend, but I dread to think how you must have felt when CD collapsed. Good old GP, my actual GP recommends it for athritis and other conditions - she is very well travelled and enlightened and I so admire her attitude.
DSD1 and ilk sound very unlike the Divos - clearly not your normal family style. How fortuitous that they weren't near your camping area to upset you further with their shenanigans.

*Robin*

Back at base. One positive thing I noticed as we drove slowly down the road to Potential New House yesterday [did we really only get here yesterday?], was MH-Bloke's Mum; manicuring her garden with a big smile on her face.. There hasn't been a peep out of MH-Bloke since we arrived, so I suspect he's currently being cared for by professionals (in a secure environment).
Did me good to see his Mum's expression when she looked up as we passed by.

carolbee wrote: »

It sounds wonderful, can you tell me which festival it was?

This one, Carol:
http://www.greengathering.org.uk/
As you'll already have gathered, I can thoroughly recommend it for a stimulating long-weekend trip. It's an especially good deal for families with children* [*free entry] - a safe environment and more fun for them than eg., Centrep@rks, at a fraction of the cost - so a very MSE break (book early for next year to get the best deal ).
Apart from everything I waffled on about in m' last post, it's just such a lovely experience to be with so many people who have a positive attitude on life!
..Seeing how much power they generate - in Wales, not known for the strength of the sunshine - solely through use of solar panels is enlightening too.
As wordsmiths ourselves, DS4 and I particularly enjoyed some of the workshops and poetry performances.
DS3 tried archery for the first time, and discovered - once he sorted out the positioning of his arrows due to being left-handed - he is a crack shot! (Wouldn't be surprised to hear DS3 might spend his birthday cash on a kit of his own - overheard him enthusing to DS4 about how there's plenty of room at the Nest for him to set up a target safely :cool2:). As it was, he swapped some of his ££ for a "slack-line" which apparently is an easy way to learn tight-rope walking - think once he's mastered the trick, it will be a gift for one of his step-step-brother's children who has a problem which affects her balance; looks like an excellent fun but safe form of physio for her, as the line can be set up very close to the ground..

Pause.
Bit of a mystery: Postie just knocked on DS4's door. He and his housemates are all out at the moment, so I offered to take in a large parcel the guy was holding. Huge surprise - it was for me! Haven't ordered anything,** let alone the very flashy designer-rucksack contained in said package.. :think:
[**don't own the place - yet - so it would be more than a bit cheeky to give out this address for my correspondence!]

joeyjimbles wrote:

What a wonderful sounding festival. Glad you and CD are back on the mend, but I dread to think how you must have felt when CD collapsed. Good old GP, my actual GP recommends it for athritis and other conditions - she is very well travelled and enlightened and I so admire her attitude.

Excellent! ..Always pleasing to hear about allopathic practitioners who are open-minded enough to see the benefits of GP.
Mind you, think I overdid it and gave m'self a double dose at some point yesterday - blame the wretched ME brain-fog! - result is that I'll be staying very close to a bathroom until it's worked it's way through..

CD is brighter than she was, but am still concerned.. She is refusing all food except cooked Cumberland sausages and the wretched "McNasty's for dogs" kibble which is supposed to be just for emergencies (when I'm too exhausted to prepare her raw diet).
A new Greek vet has joined a clinic in the next town, about fifteen miles away. He's experienced in treating the chronic condition CD will have for life, so it's very tempting to take her for a check-up.

joeyjimbles wrote:

DSD1 and ilk sound very unlike the Divos - clearly not your normal family style. How fortuitous that they weren't near your camping area to upset you further with their shenanigans.

Indeed. It's a shame DSD1 didn't join our family a few years earlier. By the age of thirteen she'd already been through far too many negative experiences, which must have set the course her life has continued on after she left us to begin living independently. She's the only one out of all the kids who called our house 'home' at some point, who's made a career out of claiming benefits..
Hmm. Reckon I may be in for more trouble from that direction. The brief time they talked about anything other than themselves and the migrants, I found m'self questioned closely about m' finances since DH's death (as they looked around camper-van, it was quite clear that OH was mentally calculating it's value). He is a bitter, self-entitled character [in all fairness, due to terrible abuse he too suffered as a child], so am expecting to hear about some wheeze which involves parting me from pension and savings in the not too distant future. They always want something when they bother to get in touch.. <sigh>

milasavesmoney

DSS came into our newly blended family when he was twelve. His mother had left the family for another woman, which in the 1980's in the US was unheard of and he was widely teased at school. He was emotionally deeply affected by the loss of his mother and the stigma attached to him because of her and because he was effeminate. It came out at home with verbally ridiculing my other younger children. He was beyond horrible. He went into therapy but it did not help at all. We tried many different therapists. His dad and grandparents felt so sorry for him that his outrageous behavior was not corrected. I really did try to help him and protect the other children at the same time. In all fairness his dad, DH, worked very long hours providing for us all and would back up my decisions. But, he was also emotionally torn up and trying to recover. We live in a small town and his was a high profile job so everyone had talked about her leaving and watched him trying to manage it all for almost three years. He felt like he had been in a fish bowl. He gave what he could to us all emotionally. He's a fine man.

DSS left for uni and never looked back. He was angry with his father for remarrying. He had almost nothing to do with us. He graduated from uni, worked three months...quit, and became an alcoholic and drug addict. He died two years ago from alcoholism. He was loved and is missed, but we never could undo the damage he sustained at 9 yrs old. He never took responsibility for his own life and his own actions. He lived a broken life.

Sun_Addict

That's a very sad story Mila. What a waste of a precious life.

Robin the festival sounded fab and much healthier than the sausage and cider festival Mr SA and I are going to at the end of the month I'm hoping there will be veggie sausages and Mr SA is hoping there will be beer

Your divos are a credit to you. Shame about DSD1 and co spoiling the equilibrium. Good job you're far too savvy to let them hoodwink you. Stay well clear.

*Robin*

Mila - how utterly heartbreaking for your family!
Thank you for sharing though; maybe someone will read this diary and pause to think before making changes in their own life which are what they want to do, but could have a devastating effect on their child..
What an incredibly difficult position for you: If your DSS's Mum hadn't walked out, you wouldn't have found happiness with your DH, yet been left trying to cope with the poor boy's trauma.
I don't know what the right answers are, but all my boys have been lectured [many times] on being responsible themselves for avoiding an accidental pregnancy - no matter what the girl says about having taken care of it herself - until they are absolutely certain they have found their soul-mate and are willing to commit the next two decades to putting any potential offspring first in their lives, no matter what else transpires in the years ahead..
I think if I had been in your position, Mila, I'd have wanted to move far, far away from all the mess DH's ex-wife left behind. That would have given the new blended family a completely fresh start where neighbours, work-mates and school-friends had no preconceptions coloured by gossip and prejudice. Oh, and found a house large enough for Grandparents to stay for extended visits if their support was important to DH and DSS.
Actually, years ago we did move hundreds of miles to get DS1 away from school bullies (he looked different to his class-mates - the only one not sporting a nit-busting "number one" haircut, and also a long way in front of them academically, both of which made him an easy target. But most concerning to us was the fact that not all the bullies at his school were children!). I've never regretted that move, and am pretty certain he doesn't either. ..Of course all DS1's worries were minor compared to the hurt your poor DSS suffered, Mila.

Sun.A - erm, sausage and cider seems pretty clear as to what you can expect to find, so hope you and DH aren't going to be disappointed.. If beer is DH's 'thing' wouldn't a CAMRA event suit him better? You'd have eaten well at GG of course (don't think I came across any stalls offering non-veggie grub - although found it rather disconcerting that the burger van [festooned with posters extolling veganism] smelled just the same as the greasiest takeaway you'd find on a city street late at night, lol).

Hmm, well I've decided it wasn't ME-memory-fog that gave me a dodgy tummy. Taking too much GP does not provoke fever, agonising kidney pain or general fluey symptoms (although the latter could just be 'normal' ME flaring).. Must have picked up a virus - hugging too many people I haven't spent much time with, who have a different set of bugs to the ones my faulty immune system is used to and therefore has some defence against.
Divo Four fetched lots of bottled spring water and brought some delicious, tempting tomato soup out to me in bed.. He is good to his poor ol' Mum. :T
Somewhat bemused, Divo Four said he's been offered a place on "Come Dine" after a mutual friend gave his name to the producer. But it's at very short notice - somebody local must have dropped out - so he turned down the 'opportunity'. Wise lad; had the prize been ten times more than they offer he might have been tempted, but he has plenty of other legal options for earning £1K which don't have only a one-in-four chance of getting paid, nor involve potentially making a fool of himself for TV entertainment!

The mystery of Postie's surprise delivery has been solved, luckily before I panicked and cancelled all my cards, Paypal account etc.. It's an early birthday gift from DS3 and GGF; very sweet of them.

Also discovered that I was unwittingly supplying all our close neighbours at GG with free wifi. There's definitely something wrong with the dongle I'm using; it will allow anyone on-line without a password unless they're plugged in via the cable. August's allowance ran out this morning.. <sigh>

CD is gradually perking up. She managed a very slow walk to the other end of the road and around the kids' playground with DS4 last night, then wolfed down a large portion from the new box of kibble he brought back:
"Look Mum, it's got a 'photo of a snow-dog on the box - must be ok for CD?"
"Good Lord, that dog is so fat I'd be ashamed to take it out in public!"
"Well the blurb says she likes opening bottles but won't eat mushrooms."
"??!! :eek:"
This morning CD hoovered up a much smaller portion of her new fattening Doggie-McNasties, followed by a chicken wing which she crunched to bits with every indication of enjoyment..
Phew; just as well CD still has some oomph left in her, because my attempts to find a vet who understands Mediterranean dog-illnesses fell completely flat yesterday. Looks like the list I've got is very out-of-date.

Spends:
Gave Divo Four £40 so he doesn't need to ask every time he buys milk, water, any other groceries or minor spends for me.

joeyjimbles

I'm glad Divo4 turned down 'Come Dine' - I was offered a place a few years ago and declined only for an acquaintance to take it up, not on my recommendation, and sadly they didn't really come out of it very well. They have no control over the editing, naturally, and are often speaking in response to carefully leading questions so the results are somewhat inevitable. The acquaintance hasn't ever lived it down and their business took a bit of a bashing as a result. Its not even about the food any more.

*Robin*

joeyjimbles wrote: »

I'm glad Divo4 turned down 'Come Dine' - I was offered a place a few years ago and declined only for an acquaintance to take it up, not on my recommendation, and sadly they didn't really come out of it very well. They have no control over the editing, naturally, and are often speaking in response to carefully leading questions so the results are somewhat inevitable. The acquaintance hasn't ever lived it down and their business took a bit of a bashing as a result. Its not even about the food any more.

Thanks for confirming that Divo Four made the right decision, Joey - he's young but is already heading along a career path in which keeping a good 'clean' reputation will be important.
He had turned down the producer before telling me about it, but if he'd said 'yes' I'd have been very tempted to offer him a grand not to do it (taken from my normal pension / spending allowance [not savings], so I'd have been dining on beans and toast for the next six months! :rotfl:)!

Still in bed, waiting for this bug / crash to pass.. CD is getting bored with me now though.

milasavesmoney

Yes Robin we do wish we had moved. Hindsight and all. At the time DH was very involved in the career he had taken years to build and would not consider moving when I asked him. He sees how unimportant that all was compared to losing our son.

Wishing you a good recovery.