can i stay in the family home untill the kids are out of full time education

thepatster1

my wife and i have been separated for a number of years but have always still lived in the same house with the children, after a row a couple of months ago we had a perieod of time when she and my two sons one who is 18 and the other who is 16 did not talk to me. i came in from work last week to be told that she was getting estate agents in to value the house and after some more rowing i agreed. Anyway it now turns out that she wants to put the house on the market straight away which i have not agreed to. she has said if i do not do this she will go through the courts, i feel that as the kids are the age they are it is not unreasonable for us to stay as we are and get the house looking the best it can and when the children are out of full time education we can then sell, that way we would both be better able to get on with our lives. there is no violence or abuse of the children involved in fact to the outside world we look like any other couple. Seems to me she wants to cut of her nose to spite her face just to make my life harder.

Person_one

thepatster1 wrote: »

my wife and i have been separated for a number of years but have always still lived in the same house with the children, after a row a couple of months ago we had a perieod of time when she and my two sons one who is 18 and the other who is 16 did not talk to me. i came in from work last week to be told that she was getting estate agents in to value the house and after some more rowing i agreed. Anyway it now turns out that she wants to put the house on the market straight away which i have not agreed to. she has said if i do not do this she will go through the courts, i feel that as the kids are the age they are it is not unreasonable for us to stay as we are and get the house looking the best it can and when the children are out of full time education we can then sell, that way we would both be better able to get on with our lives. there is no violence or abuse of the children involved in fact to the outside world we look like any other couple. Seems to me she wants to cut of her nose to spite her face just to make my life harder.

That seems unlikely. Most people are motivated by what is good for them, not what is bad for someone else, no matter how angry they are with them!

Its far more likely that she's been living in the same house as her ex for years and has finally had enough. Your sons are nearly adults and she will almost certainly have spoken to them about this, have you?

Its not unreasonable to want to sell up so everybody can move on, it is unreasonable to expect your ex to live with you for potentially another 5 years (if 16 goes to uni until 21).

patchwork_cat

You and your wife had a row that meant that she and the children didn't talk to you, yet you still don't want to separate. Think about what is best for your children and not yourself, living in that sort of toxic atmosphere must be horrible for them and ultimately probably do irreparable damage to your relationship with them.

Kynthia

Living in the same house as your ex isn't the best as it prevents you moving on emotionally completely, meeting new people, having your own quiet sanctuary where you can relax, etc. I doubt it's to spite you but because she thinks things aren't the best as they are now.

TBagpuss

Your wife can't sell the house unless either you agree, or a court orders it, but trying to live in the same house when you aren't on speaking terms doesn't sound at all healthy for any of you.

Why would you think it will be easier once the children leave home? Surely you could get the house looking good now, to sell, and you can each move on?

If your wife does start divorce proceedings and apply to the court it is extremely unlikely that a court would make an order which involved the two of you continuing to share the house, so depending on the financial position might wither order the house to be sold now, or to be sold in 2 years once the younger child turns 18, in which case that would probably on the basis that one or other of you moves out.

thesaint

It would take years and a lot of money for her to sell without your consent.

FBaby

Who would the boys live with? If they plan on moving with your wife (and clearly at that age, what they will want to do is what a judge will agree too unless there are serious concerns), then you have no hope for a judge to agree with you that the house can't be sold.

If they are to live with you, a judge will look at your circumstances and how you could rehouse yourself with the boys so that it doesn't affect them negatively. However, at best, they are likely to agree to delay it until after your youngest does his GCSEs, after that, they will most likely be seen as adult.

I think either way, she is likely to get a judge on her side, so you are better off accepting the situation.

t0rt0ise

Why don't you try the mediation route before expensive solicitors become involved? The court would allow the parent who has care of the 16 year old to stay in the house until he's 18 and then expect the house to be sold and proceeds split.

FBaby

The court would allow the parent who has care of the 16 year old to stay in the house until he's 18 and then expect the house to be sold and proceeds split.

Not forcibly. If they can afford to live somewhere else that wouldn't impact significantly on the kids' lifestyle, then the decision to sale could be enforced before the youngest child turns 18.

TBagpuss

t0rt0ise wrote: »

Why don't you try the mediation route before expensive solicitors become involved? The court would allow the parent who has care of the 16 year old to stay in the house until he's 18 and then expect the house to be sold and proceeds split.

Not necessarily It would depend on the value of the house, the amount of equity, and both parties needs.

It's also wise to see a solicitor first before trying mediation, so you can ask questions about different options, and what you maybe entitled to. Mediation can then be helpful in trying to narrow don the issues and see whether you can agree, but it is helpful to get some advice about what a court might consider, first. The Mediator can't give legal advice.