Separation and child maintenance - new partner

jj2001

I separated from my husband 18 months ago and things have been very amicable so far - no-one else was involved and we had just drifted apart over years. We have a 13 year old daughter who lives with him during the week and then I have her at weekends (my job has taken me 2 hours north and I am the main earner). He was desperate for me not to take her with me and she is settled with friends and school there although I find it very difficult to not see her all the time.

Money wise, I have carried on paying £1000 a month which pays the mortgage and quite a lot of the bills. I earn broadly twice as much as him. His main issue coming out of the marriage was that he felt little hope for the future and that he had nothing to show for the last 15 years so my approach was that I would contribute enough for him and my daughter to easily stay in the house (her home) until she was 18 despite this meaning that I am lodging where I am and have no real home of my own (my daughter and stability for her is the utmost priority for me). Things have now changed in that he has a large redundancy payment and a defined benefits pension scheme in a few years as well as a new relationship so he is not asset poor or "left with nothing". He is talking about not needing to work for 6 months or so but expects me to contribute the same as before. I have however put my life on hold in that I cannot buy somewhere else / get another mortgage or even really afford to rent a whole flat/house for me to live in with the amount I pay to him.

The lady he is with now is wonderful (I've known her for years) and I couldn't be happier about it. She owns and rents out her own property whilst renting elsewhere. However he has assumed if they move in together at some stage in the next year or two then he can keep the house as an investment (with me paying the same) and rent it out too as a backstop in case it doesn't work out. This does not sound right to me.

So my question is, what changes in terms of maintenance if he moves in with someone else and shares his accommodation expenses? Important to say that I will always make sure my daughter is fine financially and want to contribute to that fairly. If he is building a future with someone else, should I still be expected to pay the same amount as before? How do we work out what is a fair number reflecting contribution to my daughter's needs but not his if he is now with someone else? Neither of us want to put things on an unduly formal / legal setting and we haven't argued about money at all so I'd like to sensibly discuss it once I have my thoughts together. I am always happy to pay for school trips, holidays, university fees, new clothes/shoes/hobbies - whatever she needs if on top of what I already pay. And it goes without saying if he was struggling financially on his own again, I would help. My logic is - if he is stressed about money, then its not a happy environment for my daughter.

My current state of mind is that if he wants to move in with his new partner:

a) he should wait until he is very sure as it's a huge change for our daughter too (if he's not sure enough to sell the house then maybe it's not the right time for the decision...)

b) he needs to either buy me out of the house, take over the mortgage completely (I could wait for my current £40k equity share...as long as I didn't have to continue to pay the mortgage) or if he can't afford that, then we sell. It doesn't suit me to have my name on the mortgage (preventing me from getting another one) if it's not my daughter's home any more. He doesn't have the earnings multiple to take the mortgage on now but could probably do it jointly with his new partner.

I'm trying my best to understand the legal requirements, what normally happens and also what's morally fair here.

DUTR

The contribution is based on the NRP's income alone, the PWC could win the euro jackpot and the NRP on NLW, their contribution would still be due.

jj2001

Sorry I think I have used the wrong terms - what I am paying at the moment is a both child maintenance and spousal maintenance to enable him to stay in the family home (5 bedrooms...). The child maintenance bit would be a fair bit less a month I think from what I can tell based on my income level. It's the additional bit for spousal support that I'm questioning if the circumstances change as I've described above and this is the bit he is still counting on in order to pay the mortgage and turn the house into a rental investment property.

DUTR

jj2001 wrote: »

Sorry I think I have used the wrong terms - what I am paying at the moment is a both child maintenance and spousal maintenance to enable him to stay in the family home (5 bedrooms...). The child maintenance bit would be a fair bit less a month I think from what I can tell based on my income level. It's the additional bit for spousal support that I'm questioning if the circumstances change as I've described above and this is the bit he is still counting on in order to pay the mortgage and turn the house into a rental investment property.

The title of the thread is/was "Separation and child maintenance - new partner"

As for the property, still mortaged, check with the lenders T&Cs regarding renting it out, some do not allow it.

Vikipollard

You need to get proper legal advice on this.

I know you say you don't want to go down the formal route but, tbh, this is laughable - he's taking the !!!!!! if he thinks he can keep the house you are paying for as an investment. Does he not realise that he would have to share the rental income....? He doesn't NEED a five bedroom house for two of them - or even three, if the new lady moves in. Sell the house and downsize to something he can afford.

Reference his redundancy - why is he not being encouraged to look for a job to support his daughter? Six months off indeed... Your daughter is more than old enough to come home from school/be at home in the holidays alone.

As commendable as it is to do the right thing by your daughter, it's time to make your ex man up. You are enabling him to sit back and laugh. (And before the keyboard warriors get jiggy, that's exactly what I'd say to a man if the role was reversed.)

Kynthia

You need to sort a proper financial seperation. He has monet and a pension, you have income and possibly a pension, and there are joint assets which is mainly the house. Yes it's very good that you a putting your daughter's needs so high even though that means your husband is benefitting and you are suffering. However it needs to be more equal between you and your ex. Yes there can be a delay in getting your share if the house if you choose but it needs to be documented what your share is, when you get it, how his pension and yours affect your shares, etc. Please get legal advice and don't let this get messier.

theoretica

If the property is let out out you would both become landlords and I think should share any profit or loss and change in equity too.

However, if you say the house must be sold if daughter moves out of it (which seems reasonable to me) a plausible response will be for the new partner to move in, rather than they move in with her. I suggest you think about this scenario too.

jj2001

DUTR - yep I realised after your response that I didn't mean just child maintenance but it wouldn't let me edit the title.

Jackson - helpful...thanks.

Viki, Kynthia and Theorectica - I think he is being a bit thoughtless/naive rather than calculating - he's just gone kind of "well it would be nice to keep the house as something fall back on if/when I move in with X" and "I might not work for a few months and do some decorating and stuff...". Part of the issue tbh with our relationship - it all sat on my shoulders for years... He needs a gentle reality check. We'll be able to have a proper adult conversation about it and he'll be reasonable and can factor those changes into his plans for the future. I just wanted to check my thinking was reasonable first. The gov's CSA calculator comes out at about £600 per month so that would be a good starting point if he does move in with her.

I know I would get half the rental income but after tax, it wouldn't cover the mortgage and I wouldn't chose to co-invest in a rental property with him going forward. I'd rather invest in somewhere for me to live! Of course that's all overridden if it's about my daughter staying in the home she's known - I'd pay for that until she was an adult but that's different. It's not that I've got lots of money and am being stingy, it's that I've made choices currently that mean I'm not able to move on and make a home for myself.

Whatever we agree, I'll make sure it's well documented and we both sign in agreement.

FBaby

1st step: make one direct payment to him clearly stipulating that this is for child maintenance (contact the child agency, whatever they are called now to assess the amount based on your income). The either make your half of the mortgage payment directly to the bank, or if no choice but to pay him, pay by a separate direct debit with clear note that this is half of the mortgage.

If he moves out, does he intend on continuing to pay the mortgage on the property keeping it empty? The advantage of this for you is indeed that if things don't work out, your daughter can return to the home she knows safely, however, if you agreed to continue to pay half the mortgage on this basis, I would give it 3 months at the longest as surely by then, he should know if it is going to work or not.

After this period, you force the sale of the house if he doesn't agree to buy you out. At that stage, you will have no reason to keep the house and legally, he won't be able to stop you as it won't be your daughter's home any more, which is the only argument he could put forward a judge to keep the house.

Mojisola

jj2001 wrote: »

Money wise, I have carried on paying £1000 a month which pays the mortgage and quite a lot of the bills.

I earn broadly twice as much as him.

But how much do you have left after you've paid all that - compared to what he has coming in each week?

PeacefulWaters

There are three things at play here.

1) Child maintenance. Make sure this is a specific and separate payment.

2) Spousal maintenance.

3) Division of assets including property and pension.

You should seek to reach an agreement on (2) and (3) that you make legally binding via a consent order. I'd strongly suggest paying for an hour with a solicitor before you try to negotiate this.

By its nature, a consent order is a positive agreement between the two of you. Yes, it's formal, but it brings clarity to what you both think is the right way of going about things.

It may include phrases along the lines of:

"Mrs X will pay £xxx towards mortgage and other household bills until 1st October 2021 as long as Mr X and child continue to reside there. In the case of you changing address earlier, or reaching this date, the property should be marketed immediately and any equity after costs and mortgage redemption split equally between us"

"All other non pension assets will be retained with the owner as described on form D81"

"Mrs X to retain all her pension assets. Mr X to retain 80% of pension assets with the other 20% paid to Mrs X via a pension sharing order".

I'm sure there will be tighter legal wording than I've used, but hopefully you get the idea. You'd be bonkers not to get a consent order.