Is this right?!

Boot28

Hi, me and my sons mother split up about 2 years ago. Straight away I paid maintenance and have done ever since.
I have him 175 nights a year, with the ocasional extra few days when the ex asks due to emergencys, plans etc.
I am a single parent, with my own house, bills to pay etc and I also buy him clothes and other things when needed.
The ex moved on and in with her partner, my son gets along with him so everything is great. She obviously has lower bills due to living with someone.

The online maintenance calculator states for 175 nights a year or more, my payment is £39 a week.

The thing is, she only has his 6 nights a year more than me (she wont let me have him more despite pleeding) so if i had him another 3 nights would mean 50/50 and so im not liable to pay maintenance. It basically works out i am paying her £676 per NIGHT that she has him? This does not seem fair at all. I am struggling with the bills and keeping a house over my and my sons head, her and her partners income is a lot more than mine, she also gets the full £80 child benefit per month.

I think everyone can agree this isnt fair, but am i stuck paying this as its what the online calc says?

Thanks for your help!

marliepanda

I'm confused. You pay £39 a week? That's about £2000 a year.

How is that £676 a night? That'd be nearly £120,000 a year. Not sure where your maths is going wrong, but it's going very wrong.

HappyMJ

Boot28 wrote: »

Hi, me and my sons mother split up about 2 years ago. Straight away I paid maintenance and have done ever since.
I have him 175 nights a year, with the ocasional extra few days when the ex asks due to emergencys, plans etc.
I am a single parent, with my own house, bills to pay etc and I also buy him clothes and other things when needed.
The ex moved on and in with her partner, my son gets along with him so everything is great. She obviously has lower bills due to living with someone.

The online maintenance calculator states for 175 nights a year or more, my payment is £39 a week.

The thing is, she only has his 6 nights a year more than me (she wont let me have him more despite pleeding) so if i had him another 3 nights would mean 50/50 and so im not liable to pay maintenance. It basically works out i am paying her £676 per NIGHT that she has him? This does not seem fair at all. I am struggling with the bills and keeping a house over my and my sons head, her and her partners income is a lot more than mine, she also gets the full £80 child benefit per month.

I think everyone can agree this isnt fair, but am i stuck paying this as its what the online calc says?

Thanks for your help!

Sounds fair to me... (I'm coming from the position of the one who pays)....

Whether or not she has lower bills because she is now living with someone is completely irrelevant.

Whether she gets Child Benefit and/or Child Tax Credits and/or additional Housing Benefit for an extra bedroom is also irrelevant.

How about you stop buying the clothes and other things that are needed as you are paying CM which should be covering those purchases?

How do you know she is not struggling with bills? The new partner may be earning money but it's not his responsibility to look after a child that he did not create. That's you and your ex's responsibility.

£39 a week is hardly anything. How much are you taking home? Why are you struggling so much to pay that? Cut down your expenses and you can afford to pay the CM.

Boot28

She has him 6 more nights a YEAR than me. If i had him 3 more it would be 50/50. (i would hapilly have him all the time, she wont let me have him any more) £2028 / 3 nights is £676.

Is does not cost £39 to look after a child for one night per week. Bearing in mind just short of half of the weeks i have him more than her and still pay.

I just dont see how people can see this as a reasonable amount. And i strugle as i pay all the mortgage, bills, food, everything my son needs. She does not struggle as she gets all that money from me, as well as several holidays per year. And half the bills. If she was struggling then yes i could understand. But not that amount for the little amount of time she has him extra than me.

solidpro

Sounds fair to me...

What a ludicrous response.

I am in the same position and OF COURSE it's relevant that she gets benefits and you don't and OF COURSE it's relevant that you contribute at least equally to expenses. OF COURSE it's not your ex-partner's new partner to cover expenses, but it is a consideration when you consider how vulnerable your child is when they're not with you. If they're in a stable family household with at least one other person working then the chances of them being financially stable are much more likely.

I honestly think that nobody cares and nobody has ever bothered to consider the broken relationships that have two equal partners. I re-ran the numbers many times, and even if I have the more than children 100 days more than she does, I still pay her money.

My ex-partner is wealthier than I, and I have both my children almost equally in nights per year as is possible with schooling and 7 days in a week. There is not a single thing that we do not pay equally for. We both have careers and nobody gave anything up to be a parent. Yet, I will be funding her holidays and replacement iphones for the next 15 years.

The threshold for proving all is equal being an exact equal number of nights a year is absolutely impossible given there is an odd number of nights in every year. There should be a buffer of 20-40 nights because every year is different and anything above 160 days a year each is pretty damn equal to me.

The only silver lining I can offer you is that you're paying 39 pounds per extra night a year has over you, whereas I am paying 168 pounds per night extra she has them. I wish I was given 168 pounds a night for looking after them.

Guest101

Boot28 wrote: »

Hi, me and my sons mother split up about 2 years ago. Straight away I paid maintenance and have done ever since.
I have him 175 nights a year, with the ocasional extra few days when the ex asks due to emergencys, plans etc.
I am a single parent, with my own house, bills to pay etc and I also buy him clothes and other things when needed.
The ex moved on and in with her partner, my son gets along with him so everything is great. She obviously has lower bills due to living with someone.

The online maintenance calculator states for 175 nights a year or more, my payment is £39 a week.

The thing is, she only has his 6 nights a year more than me (she wont let me have him more despite pleeding) so if i had him another 3 nights would mean 50/50 and so im not liable to pay maintenance. It basically works out i am paying her £676 per NIGHT that she has him? This does not seem fair at all. I am struggling with the bills and keeping a house over my and my sons head, her and her partners income is a lot more than mine, she also gets the full £80 child benefit per month.

I think everyone can agree this isnt fair, but am i stuck paying this as its what the online calc says?

Thanks for your help!

You would still be liable.


Your ex should use that money for uniforms for example.

Guest101

solidpro wrote: »

What a ludicrous response.

I am in the same position and OF COURSE it's relevant that she gets benefits and you don't and OF COURSE it's relevant that you contribute at least equally to expenses. OF COURSE it's not your ex-partner's new partner to cover expenses, but it is a consideration when you consider how vulnerable your child is when they're not with you. If they're in a stable family household with at least one other person working then the chances of them being financially stable are much more likely.

I honestly think that nobody cares and nobody has ever bothered to consider the broken relationships that have two equal partners. I re-ran the numbers many times, and even if I have the more than children 100 days more than she does, I still pay her money.

My ex-partner is wealthier than I, and I have both my children almost equally in nights per year as is possible with schooling and 7 days in a week. There is not a single thing that we do not pay equally for. We both have careers and nobody gave anything up to be a parent. Yet, I will be funding her holidays and replacement iphones for the next 15 years.

The threshold for proving all is equal being an exact equal number of nights a year is absolutely impossible given there is an odd number of nights in every year. There should be a buffer of 20-40 nights because every year is different and anything above 160 days a year each is pretty damn equal to me.

The only silver lining I can offer you is that you're paying 39 pounds per extra night a year has over you, whereas I am paying 168 pounds per night extra she has them. I wish I was given 168 pounds a night for looking after them.

But you shouldn't, that's what the maintenance is for!

Boot28

I agree its not for the ex's partner to pay for my son. However i assume their bills are halved as in they pay 50% each. So straight away her living costs will be around 50% of mine. Bearing in mind she works and has a good job.

I pay full wack, as well as £160 every 4 week, although sometimes i have our son more than her in that time.

Its easy to say ' you shouldnt buy clothes then as this is what maintenance is for' but as a parent, when your son needs or wants something, you cant tell them no, and also risk being threatened that you wont see your son as much if you disagree.

Its not £39 per night she has him more, it effectivley works out at £639, for each of the 3 nights. If i was to have him 4 nights more in the year than what i am now, she would be the one who 'has' to pay. Though i wouldnt wish for any money from her.

The system is very unfair to fathers (or mothers) who are refused 50/50 custody by the other parent. Personal Circumstances should defiantly be taken into account (not the ex's partners) when working out maintenance. She effiectivley gets £3000 for the privalege of having him 6 nights more than me a YEAR (inc CB) whilst I pay £2000 for it.

So no, its not fair.

Mojisola

Boot28 wrote: »

as a parent, when your son needs or wants something, you cant tell them no

One of a parent's main jobs is saying 'No' to their children - especially when it's only a 'want'!

13Kent

Welcome to the world of the CSA - or CMS or whatever it is called now!!

Unfortunately it seems to be weighted to be unfair to the Non Resident Parent.

I have to re-iterate what some of the others say, pay the CSA but get a bit stricter with other things that you pay out for - my husband was like you - paying for school uniform, school trips, after school activities, and even household bills such as TV license and house insurance. He just couldn't afford it and live himself, paying for as you say a big enough house so that they could come to stay, a decent car so that he could pick them up safely, and clothes, bedding, kids cups, plates and toys for when they came to visit. She had the house redone inside and was having foreign holidays,including Disney.We had a couple of nights in a tent or caravan as that was all we could afford.

She obviously wasn't going short, and he had to start being strict and stop paying for the extras telling her she had to get them out of the CSA money. She wasn't happy and tried to use the children as blackmail - "you tell them that they can't do Tai Kwondo because you won't pay for it" - he didn't pay any extra, and they still did it - she found the money.

However what I will say is cherish the time you have with your son, my husband would have dearly loved to have had his children as often as that, and sadly had to put up with 2 nights every 2 weeks - if he was lucky and the NRP allowed it. She didn't let him see them any more than that or her money would be reduced. So make the most of every minute, and I hope for you and your son's sake that that doesn't change.

3wisemonks

I really feel for your situation we've been there.

I would advise you to tread VERY carefully here.

As you have your child 'extra' nights on top of the 175 a year you could inform CSM but PWC would have to confirm this. These could still be counted but this is whether or not PWC will agree.

You should not need to pay for half of anything, this of course depends on what it is as the extras add up and PWC may need a bit of extra help now and again but it needs to be reasonable.

However, and this is why I say tread carefully. When DHs ex went to CSA (despite agreement set up between them where she was better off) they informed her she should be paying him as DH had child more nights, because of this she reduced him to 1 night a week!
We went through a period of struggling ourselves and DH struggled to contribute to extras and she punished him by withdrawing contact.

None of this is fair and I hope you have a better relationship with PWC if you do try talking to her, explain how you are finding the extras difficult and could maintenence payments cover these. PWC may not realise you are finding it difficult and not all react like ours did but only you can judge.

I wish you all the best.