My ex ..

catty26

Will keep this as short as possible . . My ex who i spilt from 4 yrs ago after 24 yrs , The last 7 yrs were a nightmare , he had affairs , drank to excess and was verbally. mentally and then physically abusive . The police took him to court and he was charged with gbh on me . I have since the spilt had help with womens aid and my youngest daughter has not stayed at his place for over 3 yrs now , her choice as he was getting drunk and verbally abused her, but she does see him .. she is 18 old enough to make her own mind about him i feel ..
Now this man has made it clear to everyone how much he hates me . i do not have any feelings left for him but ...
4 weeks ago he moved into the next road to me , he lived 5 miles away when we spilt , my nightmares have come back and i have not been sleeping and i can not understand why he has moved so close .. i will add he has moved his gf in with him someone i know and who he has been with a few months ...i just dont no what to do ..
its like everything has come back again , he knew when he viewed the house it would upset me .. any views please , ? am i over reacting ?.
.

hazyjo

Do you rent/own?


If it's affecting your sanity, move. If not, you'll have to learn to live with it. Harsh choices, but that is what it boils down to.


Are you in a big town or tiny village? Only you know if you're actually even likely to bump into him? Do you go to the same sort of places? Would you have used different supermarkets when he was 5 miles away, for example? If the same one, you're just as likely to see him now as you were then.


Don't be a hermit, and don't make it an obsession (would be easy to do so).


Good luck.


Jx

catty26

hazyjo wrote: »

Do you rent/own?


If it's affecting your sanity, move. If not, you'll have to learn to live with it. Harsh choices, but that is what it boils down to.


Are you in a big town or tiny village? Only you know if you're actually even likely to bump into him? Do you go to the same sort of places? Would you have used different supermarkets when he was 5 miles away, for example? If the same one, you're just as likely to see him now as you were then.


Don't be a hermit, and don't make it an obsession (would be easy to do so).



Good luck.

catty26

I rent . Live in the city , i have pass his place to drive anywhere , i wanted to run leave when i found out he was down the road , We never went same shops etc when he lived 5 miles away . now yes he most prob re joined my docs to . lucky they saw my injures so know the score my GP was stunned when i told her ,.... end of the day he must of known i wouldn't be ecstatic, maybe i should contact women's aid again as my nightmares are back .. x

penguingirl

Go to your GP or contact women's aid and get the support you need. You can't make decisions about your future while you are experiencing trauma symptoms. Once you have done some self care and had the right support you can then decide whether to move.

Dill

I think unless his behaviour towards you has been such that you are able to get an injunction out preventing him from coming near you, there is not much you can do except move (or stay, and accept that you might bump into each other).

Sagz_2

Try not to make this a problem for yourself. I see my next door neighbour maybe once a fortnight, and then sometimes only to wave to. In 2 years I've seen her once in Morrisons, and we live in a town, not a big city.

Certainly contact the Women's Aid for support, but only you can control you reactions .... personally I would not let someone who treated me the way he did you have any of my valuable head space. He is simply not worth it.

If he tries to contact you, at all, then get legal advice.

Best of luck x

clearingout

just move....I hate that my ex is in the same town as me (albeit the other side), it would kill me to have him nearer and he didn't do half the things to me that yours did to you.

Your daughter is old enough to understand you need your privacy, even assuming she had a relationship with him. Block him on all social media with all known e-mail addresses. Block all his friends and family as well - even if they are good friends of yours. Better still, remove yourself from social media altogether. Then move.

TBagpuss

You aren't overreacting. You are reacting. And your reaction is entirely understandable given the history.

His move may be nothing at all to do with you, but that doesn't make it easier to cope with.

I'd contact women's aid and any other support groups that you found helpful. You might be get to a point where , with support / counselling you can live with the fact that he is so close. Alternatively, you may decide to move simply o that you don't have to give this man any more of your mental energy.

Detroit

I understand this must be really disturbing for you.
Unfortunately as others have said, there's little you can do about it, if moving isn't an option, unless he starts to behave inappropriately towards you.
Given he's now in a new relationship, hopefully you may find he has no interest in you anymore, will get on with his life, and you can avoid/ignore each other.
If he does behave in a way that makes you uncomfortable, you'd be right to contact women's aid for support/advice.