Any practical advice for depression?

Andrew_Ryan_89

Hey guys,

So it looks like I have collapsed to be honest. For the past 3 weeks I have literally done no work, sat at home, ignored calls and stayed in bed all day. I have tried to switch things up by going out to work in other places and with friends but nothing is making me feel better. My dad has cancer and can't even walk up the stairs anymore, my mums house is in the process of being repossessed and I have a wedding coming up which is causing more problems mentally than it should.

On the surface I am an extremely fortunate person with a beautiful girlfriend, property, good salary and good friends and that is why I am struggling with why I feel like this. I am not moping around but just can't be bothered with anything. I could not care if I could fired tomorrow and ended up losing the house and causing hurt to a bunch of people. All my energy and drive is just gone and I have no idea how to get it back.

A few weeks ago I was feeling good - Going to the gym and feeling excited for the wedding. Suddenly, without reason, just a complete drop, worst than I have EVER. Even worst than when I was getting bullied at school.



Original Post
For as long as I remember I have never been happy. All the things that I thought would make me happy - a partner, a house, good salary job and friends I have lacked, completely at times, but have all come to me now. Yet I am not happy. Not happy to a point where if there was a pill in front of me that would end it all I would happily take it.

I don't walk around moody and on the surface you would not notice anything. In fact, depressed may not be the right word to an extent, I just find myself more and more not being bothered about the daily stresses in life. Before my insecurities would drive me to work and earn more. Now I find myself in a perfect job, I can't be bothered to do the work and care little for the consequences.

I am not too sure what can help. I have my doubts about seeing someone as usually any person I see with the goal of inspiring me (life coaches, seminars etc.) it may do some good whilst I am sitting there but it loses its effect as soon as I walk out the door.

Would be interesting to hear from those in similar positions and especially those who have come back successfully from similar positions.

Mr.Generous

I always found I felt better after a strenuous workout - mental and physical - when I had a stressful job that I hated and got constant grief. I went to the gym and played chess for a club (not at the same time).

When i was totally focused on something else I could forget my problems. I was never in a position as bad as you describe but I hope this helps. Try it, what have you got to loose?

whattado

Im depressed always have been ,when i was young i liked weight training it made me
feel better mentally,also its kinda good playing online computer games as an escape from reality.
May be an idea to go camping fishing as hunting your food getting a fire going cooking it
etc feels good and the peace and quiet is nice.Keeping your mind occupied so your thinking
about your game or how to solve the programming your doing instead of thinking about how
!!!! life is.Also super strength beer is a good pain killer,download some films and get drunk
when it gets bad.
You have two things mind and body if your head aint right make sure the body is as it helps.

jenniewb

Depression sort of works differently for everyone. It can cause some to feel a lot of aggression and others a lot of sadness whilst others still will feel very numb and listless. I see this in friends I've had who have struggled with depression over the years.


That said, the things which help can work for some but not for others and as much as you'd likely feel it's too much to contemplate right now if you are in the middle of a period of depression, it is something to think about and possibly plan with others to try different things, give things a bit of time to work out or not (weeks rather than hours!) and see what does help.


There are two ways of looking at this. The first is to try to work on living with depression- not as in living with it forever, but in being able to tolerate it when it is there and not having it totally overwhelm or consume you, nor giving up the idea of it ever getting better (which is a trade mark of depression- if you didn't feel and believe it was never ending it wouldn't be depression as depression at it's very core is a total lack of any hope). You can work on trying to live with depression by getting your support network up, finding support if you don't have anything and being able to deal with the spaces inbetween when you are alone or with others but feeling alone. Anything from colouring in books to exercise to whatever works for keeping yourself focused on something that isn't feeling totally desperate are things to try, don't just feel you need to pick one or stop and one thing, you can have as many of these sorts of things in your life as you want and they will be useful if say you don't have your exercise kit but do have a stack of books to read. Little things just to keep you getting by until things with your depression ease enough for you to try something bigger.


And the next part to think about is if you want to work on treatment. Some find it helpful to look at the reason for the depression, going back as far as attitudes which developed since childhood. Others like to focus on immediate treatment steps like CBT and so on. Again, it's what works for you. The NHS can and do offer treatment for depression but sadly there is normally a very long waiting list due to woeful underfunding of mental health within the NHS- despite 1 in 4 having a mental health issue, on my last check, mental health only received 8% of NHS funding. It's just shockingly bad and needs to change. That being said; if you find you are on a very long waiting list you can look for private therapy, counselling or treatment. Some work places will offer you a few sessions (check with your HR department) most colleges and Uni's will offer counselling at the very least (check with Student Services) and if neither of those are available to you, many students will be on placements and looking to take on clients for a lower fee as they are still in training. It's wise to make sure though of the reputation of the place you look for help though rather than just assuming the first thing that you find will work out.


And whilst that is going on, things like support groups, places like Mind and even your local community center often offer help and support and groups and so on. It will differ depending on what your area offers but if you don't have any luck on your own doorstep, don't be afraid to look further afield, of course ask if you can join in but generally if you are looking for help and prepared to offer your energy to a group you will rarely be turned down unless they are too full. Support groups are often underrated and definitely worth looking at, you can join as many as you want to.

FBaby

Could it be that the problem is what gives you a 'buzz' is facing challenges? I think I understand what you mean. For all my life, I felt something was missing and therefore my life revolve around making plans and progressing through them to get what I wanted. During these stages, I always thought that the process was tedious and sometimes painful but that the outcome would be all worth it. Somehow, I have been extremely successful with my plans and have indeed got all the things I've aspired to and work very hard to get.

I am very happy because I know how lucky I am to be where I am and don't take any of it for granted but.... there is something missing, and ironically, I think it is because I almost need to have something to aspire to, to set my mind to and fight through to achieve. I realised that without this, I feel mentally bored and struggle to just appreciate all I have. It gets harder as you get older as there are less options to strive for.

Therefore I have taken on competitive sport. People assume that I am good at sport and enjoy the physical side of it. I don't, what I enjoy is the setting myself a goal and trying to reach it. It works well and I'm very pleased with it, however it has its downsize as it has become almost like a drug in that I crave the adrenalin and the endorphins that are released afterwards, so if I take a break from it, I get withdrawal effects and start feeling low! As I have a very demanding job that leaves me exhausted most of the time, exercising can be a challenge and getting involved in competitions even more.

Still, it works for me, so maybe worth a try for you, if not with sport, with another activity where you can challenge yourself?

Retrogamer

I've had fights with depression on and off my whole life. When i was really bad i could have won millions on the lottery and it wouldn't have phased me or made me even feel slightly better.

I've found a few things that help a little, depending on how bad it is.

Video games - Childish to some, but a nice distraction for me and keeps my mind occupied. An interesting distraction.

Camping somewhere secluded - Falling asleep and waking up listening to nature is very relaxing. A camp fire helps a lot as well and acts as a sort of "reset" for me. I i go camping i'll feel a lot better after it and it takes me a while before that feeling wears off.

Healthy diet - This is difficult for me because when i feel sad and hopeless i just eat what tastes nice. But that often makes me feel worse in the long term. You are what you eat in a lot of ways and a healthy diet maintained for even just a week can do wonders for how you feel. Sometimes enough to keep i up for longer.

Cycling - There's a lot of quiet places near me. County parks, rural roads and paths etc. When i'm out cycling i always feel great. I find it relaxing and i get a nice wee buzz from the work out itself. I feel free at ease. The hardest part about cycling with depression is going out the front door.

Meditation - I find this one hard because i'm normally very anxious but when i've tried it, it helped me a lot. Just in a nice bath with soothing music or lying in my bed with the same and just think about being on a beach, listening to the waves or even happy memories.

When you get rock bottom and feel at your worst, it's important to remember that the only way to go after that is back up and feeling better. Sometimes it takes a while, but hang onto that thought and it'll help you get through the really bad days.

TiredTrophy

Dear Andrew,
I am sorry to hear of your sadness.
From my experience, acknowledging that there is a problem and speaking it
'aloud' was the first step to being able to cope. All of the ideas above were of help to me and for two years I also had medication. I now go out for some type of exercise every day, try to eat sensibly....less sugar and alcohol, speak to my DH about it when it is bad and work hard to control repetitive thoughts of guilt or despair....and some weeks are still not good but I am now confident that some pleasant thing will happen maybe next week.

The suggestion of a new goal is good....could you plan an exciting and unusual holiday for your family....one that challenges you and needs you to support them? Or train for a marathon? Do not reject the talking therapies.....not lifecoaches but real psycho therapist or psychiatrist....some of that mindfulness stuff is not actually silly either.

The greyness , listlessness might just possibly indicate an underlying health problem such as a heart condition so a trip to a sympathetic GP with a double appointment is worthwhile.
Good luck. Stay with us.

korvskrot

Hi Andrew, thanks for sharing your feelings with us!

You haven't said too much about your own situation, really, so I hope people's suggestions to what you should and shouldn't do aren't taken directly to heart. What I am about to tell you is not about you but about me as an individual, and I am persuaded we all work in different mysterious ways. I hope you find some inspiration to try something new, or at least find some glimmer of hope in my story!

I am 25 and showed my first clear signs of depression at 9. It has been coming and going ever since (might or might not be bipolar type 2, but probably not.) there are a lot of things from my childhood that might "explain" why I am chronically depressed, and it does "run in the family."

at the age of 19 I started self harming, and my first suicide attempt occured at 21. Today, I have not cut myself for 4 years, and it did take a lot of work in the beginning. I sometimes feel the way you are saying - if there was an easy way, I'd be gone. I have however found a way to counteract and at worst at least ignore these urges, as I have learned that they will pass.

My first thought when seeing your post was that it might be unwise to seek out others with the same types of issues. Of course it is comforting and might bring inspiration, but in my experience self harm (not only physical) is not only addictive, but it spreads like herpes. I truly hope that you do not find yourself walking down that road.

Secondly, naturally, "get professional help" came to mind. I understand you have seen life coaches and such, which are there to help you grow motivation. This does not really work on a depressed individual, as there is no seed of motivation to nurture. The right type of therapy, on the other hand, might actually help you bring such a seed out.

I did seek out help at one point, during the suicidal times, but I did not find it helpful at the time. It was far too difficult to get things going, and the care I did receive was rushed. Now, 4 years later, I can say that it was also gravely misguided.

Since I lost hope in NHS at this time, and I really did not want to "try" any more SSRI, I decided to try and sort it out myself. Luckily, it did work and I have now found a way to live my life without feeling guilty during my bad times, and to actually enjoy it during the good times. I have found the main source of "evil" in my life and eliminated most of it.

My depression has always sprung out of a feeling of abandonment and being worthless. After a couple of rough years, just removing the people that make me feel horrible, I started seeing results. I was also able to cultivate healthy relationships with "good" people, whom I also introduced to my depression. Luckily, a distant family member turned out to be perfect for me, and me for her, so we now live together which brings me an incredible amount of security and confidence in all other relationships in my life.

Work is tough - I am glad to hear you have a job you are technically pleased with. Having a lovely slice of cake does not make us happy if we have no taste buds though, I understand that. One thing professionals have always told me is to keep routines. Work is a very strict routine that takes up about half your waking time - try to keep it even if you are very low.

In terms of partners, I am the kind of person that does not think we should have one until we are ready to. It is the icing on the abovementioned metaphorical cake. I said I would feel abandoned a lot, so it should not come as a surprise when I tell you I used to ALWAYS have some kind of partner around, and go absolutely ape when a break up was coming. This no longer happens. I took a very long break from partners, and have now dared to start dabbling. I do however keep my partner informed of how we will not live together or make any such great committments for quite some time.

Though I have often felt like, and practiced, laying in bed for five days straight feeling horrible, both for myself and for my loved ones, I am more of a grab the bull by its horns kind of person. One day at 21, after 4 months of this activity, I rolled out of bed and decided to sort my degree out, sort out my financial problems and get physically fit. In april 2013, I worked 65 hours per week, walked for 2 hours a day (between the two jobs) and completed an entire years worth of uni work. It gave me a feeling of empowerment I had not had for years before that, and the sheer knowledge of surviving on my own made me want to keep doing it.

Lately, my biggest wish has been to complete the final year of my bachelor's degree, which was left hanging due to financial reasons back in 2013. I am more than proud to say that I am graduating in July 2016.

Nowadays, I rarely find myself mentally, physically or sexually abused. When I do, I cope with it the way I should, instead of abusing myself in different ways. Thanks to spending these years trying to stabilise my external environment, I now get the luxury of fine tuning. Making up with people I thought were lost to me. Telling others that I love and respect them. Helping my dear live-in relative achieve her goals, and sharing the joy along the way.

There are still backlashes, and will most likely always be in my case. Last, someone i hold very dear disappeared one night, and once I found her it turned out she had been raped. I did engage in some self-harm after that, but not the way I used to. I could not handle the mental stress of supporting her. I could have easily slipped and fallen back to old habits at the time, but didn't. I was ashamed for what I did, but took care of my body and kept moving forward. This goes to show that I was right when deciding to weed some people out of my life - I only have the energy to truly care for a few at the moment.

This was a LONG story. Thank you if you did read all of it. Depression is a complex topic, and for some the monster is always there in the background. I don't believe in taming monsters, but also not in caging them. My monster now lives in a coop in my back yard, snacking on bits and bobs. Sure it got out and bit me a few times, but I just put it back and keep rolling.

Best of luck to you - feel free to ask any questions you might have. If you don't have the energy to find professionals near where you live, I (and i'm sure lots of others) am happy to try and help the best I can. Never give up!

Andrew_Ryan_89

FBaby wrote: »

Could it be that the problem is what gives you a 'buzz' is facing challenges? I think I understand what you mean. For all my life, I felt something was missing and therefore my life revolve around making plans and progressing through them to get what I wanted. During these stages, I always thought that the process was tedious and sometimes painful but that the outcome would be all worth it. Somehow, I have been extremely successful with my plans and have indeed got all the things I've aspired to and work very hard to get.

I am very happy because I know how lucky I am to be where I am and don't take any of it for granted but.... there is something missing, and ironically, I think it is because I almost need to have something to aspire to, to set my mind to and fight through to achieve. I realised that without this, I feel mentally bored and struggle to just appreciate all I have. It gets harder as you get older as there are less options to strive for.

Therefore I have taken on competitive sport. People assume that I am good at sport and enjoy the physical side of it. I don't, what I enjoy is the setting myself a goal and trying to reach it. It works well and I'm very pleased with it, however it has its downsize as it has become almost like a drug in that I crave the adrenalin and the endorphins that are released afterwards, so if I take a break from it, I get withdrawal effects and start feeling low! As I have a very demanding job that leaves me exhausted most of the time, exercising can be a challenge and getting involved in competitions even more.

Still, it works for me, so maybe worth a try for you, if not with sport, with another activity where you can challenge yourself?

Thanks for the advice. You're right about that challenge thing. Where work was concerned anyway, if a job was too easy I'll get bored of it really quick. Before I was made redundant I my previous job, I was already planning my next move despite making a ridiculous amount in bonuses, the job brain dead.

Weekly football or something similar is something I know will make me feel better about myself physically and mentally. Only problem is I have no friends to play with

theoretica

I think you said earlier that you also have fatigue. For me they were linked, not two separate things, and when I got the one sorted out the other improved too. It was when finally sorted out my ridiculously long list of food intolerances that the world got much better, but of course your body isn't mine so I am suggesting that you look at all your symptoms together - not assume you have the same cause I did. Really listening to my body and taking myself to bed at 9:30 when I need it helps too.

I too was going to suggest physical activity. Join a club which provides a ready group and all you need to do is turn up and pay. Learning something new in a series of lessons is good because you have to go, or fall behind. How about ballroom dancing with your partner? Or any of the many martial arts? Or a running club? Or lots of different things! Look around until you find a welcoming club that suits you.

LimitlessHsolutions

Meditation in silence everyday, helps to reduce depression. Even listening music is advantageous !