Have a blended family - Should we add another

lilmissmup

So my partner has 2 children with his ex wife, aged 13 & 11.

We have a daughter who is nearly 2.

Considering another child but wondering if others have done the same? I don't want the others to miss out on anything and wonder if it's just too much pressure having 4.

Mainly for the purposes of holidays and days out!

Andypandyboy

With children coming up to teenage years you have to think long term. Will there be university costs on the horizon? Only you know your financial position, so only you as a couple can decide if number 4 is viable.

Spendless

Taking 4 children out will mean a car bigger than the standard 5 seater. Do you already have this, or can you afford to get one? If you usually use public transport instead, you won't pay until the younger ones hit 5, by which time the eldest will be an adult.

What about when the older ones stay over? Is that manageable for the next few years, having 4 kids sleep?

thriftyemma

I have 3 children, aged 8, 6 and 4. From the perspective of holidays and days out, most places consider a 'family' to be 2 adults and 2 children. We struggle to find hotels that will cater for 3 children, and often have to pay for a second room. As you already have 3 children, I think having a 4th will not make a huge difference.

lilmissmup

Spendless wrote: »

Taking 4 children out will mean a car bigger than the standard 5 seater. Do you already have this, or can you afford to get one? If you usually use public transport instead, you won't pay until the younger ones hit 5, by which time the eldest will be an adult.

What about when the older ones stay over? Is that manageable for the next few years, having 4 kids sleep?

The car issue isn't a problem, we could get another and are in the middle of converting a van into a camper.

Sleeping..... older 2 are only here 4 nights a month atm but ideally we could do with another room!

Jagraf

I woukd personally thing more about the timespan. I'm in my late forties with one daughter in sixth form and happily second married. My ex started another family and has three children under 5. He has been a 'responsible parent' from the age of 29 and will be til he's over 60.

I'm not saying that's wrong or right it's purely personal, but something to consider.

Kayalana99

For me, I'm very for having 2 children so they have someone to play with. I appreciate you have 2 older children but with a 2 year old - it's going to be like growing up on their own. I'd be all for having a 4th in this situation if it was financially viable.

There's 18 months between my 2 and I don't know how they would be without each other, they play together all the time and learn off each other. I wonder if it's harder having one child sometimes as they would just constantly want your attention.

missbiggles1

Kayalana99 wrote: »

For me, I'm very for having 2 children so they have someone to play with. I appreciate you have 2 older children but with a 2 year old - it's going to be like growing up on their own. I'd be all for having a 4th in this situation if it was financially viable.

There's 18 months between my 2 and I don't know how they would be without each other, they play together all the time and learn off each other. I wonder if it's harder having one child sometimes as they would just constantly want your attention.

When you put it that way, it'd be cheaper to get an au pair.;)

Kayalana99

Money doesn't come into it (apart from the original decision if you can afford the extra child), there is no better feeling than watching my two boys play together. I'm not against people having one child, but I certainly feel they have a better quality of life having a sibling to grow up with.

DigForVictory

Me, I'd be all for a fourth child, if only to get more use out of this round of baby stuff - nappies, clothes, toys, pushchair, cot etc?

As a family of five, if your finances can either cope &/or learn to cope, by all means go for a sixth. As has been said, it's company & a reliable figure you can get along with/are allowed to yell at as they are nearer to your size. I'd be seriously lonesome without my sisters & that's decades on, but above all we share family jokes, family memories and the in-jokes that depend on proximity at the time daft events surround us.

maman

Hope this doesn't sound harsh but to most intents and purposes if you have another child you'll have 2 families of 2 rather than 4 children.


Obviously your DH will be contributing to his older children so if you can afford that then the existing children shouldn't miss out. Presumably having another child will add to the family finances if you either don't work and/or have to pay for more childcare.


If you'd really like another child then I'm sure you'll cope with 52 nights a year and the occasional holiday.