I need to tell my husband we can't get a new mortgage.

HappyMJ

mamabunit wrote: »

I probably should just establish that he has never hinted that he has a problem with me not working, that's all my own problem. He's incredibly supportive and it's one of the millions of reasons why I love him so much. One of our children is in school, and the other one goes to preschool 3 mornings a week - I feel like I should be doing something productive with that time but everything I've tried hasn't worked. I think the next step in terms of getting a job is to accept that I need to give up weekends or evenings and get a shop/waitress job. At this point I'd do a paper round if it meant I was contributing!

Why? There's no need to work if you aren't going to bring much in.

Taking control of the bills and spending time making savings that can outperform the time you spent working at minimum wage.

I compare and switch suppliers regularly getting the household bills right down to almost nothing which helps the household.

I don't work much myself shopping with vouchers to get freebies or massive discounts. If you do drive you could do mystery shopping whilst your youngest is in preschool. You only need a half hour to carry out the job and you've got the rest of the day to complete the report. It doesn't pay much but it will be tax free once you take expenses and your personal allowance into account.

Have you transferred part of your personal allowance to your husband giving the household an extra £220 per year income?

https://www.gov.uk/marriage-allowance/how-it-works

nkkingston

Check out the the daily What DFW things have you done today threads. A lot of the contributors aren't in paid employment (a lot of stay at home parents, like yourself), but as a result have the ability to make such good use of their household finances the savings outweigh their potential earnings.

Brightspark87

actually the default being settled makes a huge difference to mortgage providers. Perhaps not so much with credit cards or overdrafts or the unsecured ones.

La_escocesa

Hi,

Just thought I'd say that I don't think it will slow things down too much. Even if you came off the mortgage application and just let your hubby apply on his own then you could still get it sorted in around 3 weeks I reckon (based on my experience last year).

You don't need to both be on the mortgage - you just need to declare that you live there. I'm the only one on our mortgage - my husband's income and debt wasn't taken into account when buying the house. We had to tell the mortgage company his name and he had to sign a declaration. Our solicitor was clear though that as I was buying it as a family home then if we ever got divorced it would still be considered as jointly 'ours'.

Good luck - I'm sure it won't be as bad as you are imagining with your OH.

x

Pixie5740

It's much better that your husband hears this from you than finds out if you're declined for the mortgage so telling him today is absolutely the right decision. The sooner the broker knows about it too the sooner he can say figure out which lender would be better for your circumstances.

When you say that you should be doing something productive but it hasn't worked out, what sort of things have you tried? Would this time before your youngest child starts school be a good time to re-train or gain some new qualifications that might help you find work in the future?

dancingfairy

Perhaps your husband views your contribution to the family as more important than money?
I'm assuming you do the cooking, cleaning, childcare, social arrangements and ferry the kids around? Also don't underestimate the value of time spent with your little one. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't work but that your contribution is valuable either way.
Having 800 credit card debt is hardly the end of the world. Your biggest mistake was probably not telling him at the time ( for the best reasons).
Having a default isn't great but doesn't mean you won't get a mortgage. You may end up with a slightly higher rate or a slightly smaller pool of lenders but it should be fixable, but yes, you do need to talk to your husband.
Good luck
Df

mamabunit

Pixie5740 wrote: »

It's much better that your husband hears this from you than finds out if you're declined for the mortgage so telling him today is absolutely the right decision. The sooner the broker knows about it too the sooner he can say figure out which lender would be better for your circumstances.

When you say that you should be doing something productive but it hasn't worked out, what sort of things have you tried? Would this time before your youngest child starts school be a good time to re-train or gain some new qualifications that might help you find work in the future?

We've actually been discussing me training as beauty therapist for a while now. So maybe this is the push I need to start training, I want to earn the money I need to start the course myself so last night and this morning I fired my CV off to a few local cleaning agencies that offer flexible hours to fit in around school times so I'm hoping I'll be able to earn a little doing that.

mamabunit

Just a quick update... Husband now knows. He hadn't even got through the door when I grabbed my laptop and showed him this thread. He is understandably upset and disappointed, mostly that I've kept it from him. It's going to be a hard road back to total trust I think.

I've also informed the IFA so we'll see what he says. I forgot to mention before that part of the problem is that we still have 6 months left on our current Santander mortgage. If we were able to keep our mortgage with them they would have cancelled the £6000 early repayment fee but it doesn't look like we'll be getting a mortgage with them now so we need accept that our mortgage could be 6k more now.

What a mess I've got us in to!

Thanks so much for all your advice, will keep coming back to look at this thread if I'm ever tempted to screw up again (which I can't imagine I ever will be!!! The sickening guilt and thumping headache I've had since yesterday morning, not to mention the look of disappointment on my husbands face has taught me a huge lesson!!!).

mamabunit

dancingfairy wrote: »

Perhaps your husband views your contribution to the family as more important than money?
I'm assuming you do the cooking, cleaning, childcare, social arrangements and ferry the kids around? Also don't underestimate the value of time spent with your little one. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't work but that your contribution is valuable either way.
Having 800 credit card debt is hardly the end of the world. Your biggest mistake was probably not telling him at the time ( for the best reasons).
Having a default isn't great but doesn't mean you won't get a mortgage. You may end up with a slightly higher rate or a slightly smaller pool of lenders but it should be fixable, but yes, you do need to talk to your husband.
Good luck
Df

Thanks for this, it made me feel a lot more positive after a very tearful night.