I need to tell my husband we can't get a new mortgage.

mamabunit

Me and my husband got married in September, I carefully budgeted the whole thing but at the last minute some random things cropped up, about £800 worth of stuff. I put it on a credit card that I had to help rebuild my poor credit rating. I had just got a new work contract that should of bought in around £200 a month but it fell through after the first month. I was left with the credit card debt and no way of paying it.

My husband is incredibly good with money, he was already worried about how much we'd spent on the wedding so I didn't want to worry him about it. Obviously this was the most stupid thing I've ever done because after not being able to pay for it I found out this morning that I've defaulted. We're slap bang in the middle of buying a new house, we're both on our current mortgage. We've accepted an offer on our house, had an offer accepted on a new one and literally yesterday he went to sort out a new mortgage with an IFA. I can feel everything crumbling around me.

I'm devastated. So angry with myself, disappointed and absolutely distraught that I'll have to ruin my husbands dream of buying a new house. I love him so much and I'm petrified he won't love me anymore. He's an amazing man, who I trust implicitly and the idea of upsetting him is destroying me.

I can't see that there will be anyway of us being able to buy this new house now, we've both been so excited and now I've ruined everything. Our children go to school near this new house and we were so looking forward to a fresh start. I can't believe I've done this.

Can anyone give me some advice on how to tell him? I know he'll be angry but I also know that I need to tell him tonight so we don't get any further in this house move or it'll all come out anyway. He needs to hear it from me ASAP.

Thanks.

HappyMJ

A default by you will not stop the two of you together getting a mortgage.

You need a broker which you already have so make sure you tell them you've got a default.

It will not stop you from getting a mortgage so quit worrying about it.

The default of course will need to be cleared before you apply for a mortgage so the sooner you tell him the sooner it can be sorted, marked as settled and your mortgage approved.

You don't earn a huge amount so instead of you applying just your husband alone can apply for the mortgage based on his own income. Your personal income and debts will not be taken into account.

mamabunit

Thanks for your reply, you've calm me down a little bit.

I'm still petrified of telling him, it's going to slow things down hugely and I don't know where I'd get £800 cash from. I want to fast forward to this evening so I can lay it all out to him now.

HappyMJ

mamabunit wrote: »

Thanks for your reply, you've calm me down a little bit.

I'm still petrified of telling him, it's going to slow things down hugely and I don't know where I'd get £800 cash from. I want to fast forward to this evening so I can lay it all out to him now.

You're going to have a deposit so use £800 of the deposit to clear the default.

£800 is not the end of the world. In a marriage you need to open about your joint expenses. You bought stuff for the benefit of the household assuming you could handle it's repayment from your own income and unfortunately you couldn't. As long as you didn't go and buy drugs and alcohol with it most sensible people would understand and help you out by at the very least paying the minimum repayment for you.

Yes weddings cost a lot of money. That's part and parcel of getting married. Almost everyone overspends on the wedding and other things on the day. Yes he'll be worried about repaying loans and credit cards to finance that too but for your joint financial health you need to be really open about this.

If the mortgage broker suggests he buy the house on his own so your defaults are not taken into account you can secure an interest in the property at a later date. You can also register a restriction on the property so it cannot be sold without your permission.

mamabunit

Thank you so much, I think I'll sit down with him this evening and show him this. I don't know how I'll get the words out otherwise.

Brightspark87

Hi

Don't panic but if you are both buying the house you will both need to be on the mortgage.

You need to clear the debt as said above but you will get a mortgage don't panic BUT you must tell your broker about the default.

Is he or she independent? they are the best ones

mamabunit

Yes he's independent. He's actually a friend of my husbands though, and I'm also worried that I'm now going to embarrass my husband even though it's a problem that I've got us in to. My husband works so hard in his job and I've always felt guilty that I stay at home with our children, I'm determined to get a job so that my husband doesn't end up resenting me for racking up this debt and then just dumping it on him.

Clearly I have some issues that I need to address so that we can move forward, I'm going to suggest to my husband that I have 'housekeeping' money (for food shopping and petrol) for now so that I don't have a credit or debit card. Anything to build the trust back up.

HappyMJ

mamabunit wrote: »

Yes he's independent. He's actually a friend of my husbands though, and I'm also worried that I'm now going to embarrass my husband even though it's a problem that I've got us in to. My husband works so hard in his job and I've always felt guilty that I stay at home with our children, I'm determined to get a job so that my husband doesn't end up resenting me for racking up this debt and then just dumping it on him.

Clearly I have some issues that I need to address so that we can move forward, I'm going to suggest to my husband that I have 'housekeeping' money (for food shopping and petrol) for now so that I don't have a credit or debit card. Anything to build the trust back up.

You are married. Everything that is earned by both of you is entitled to be used by both of you. Of course you've got to be sensible about it. You can't spend his personal savings and he can't spend your personal savings but the income he earns in the month can be allocated as you both see fit during the month without going overdrawn.

You shouldn't feel guilty for staying at home with the children. Child care is expensive. If you don't have a highly skilled job it's not worth working to pay someone more than you earn to look after the children.

moneycantbuyyouhappiness

mamabunit wrote: »

I've always felt guilty that I stay at home with our children, I'm determined to get a job so that my husband doesn't end up resenting me for racking up this debt and then just dumping it on him.

To be fair you have been daft BUT please start appreciating yourself for the job you do. You are bringing up the children you BOTH decided to have! If you went to work he would have to pay someone roughly £40 each, if not more, a day to look after them so please don't feel guilty x

mamabunit

I probably should just establish that he has never hinted that he has a problem with me not working, that's all my own problem. He's incredibly supportive and it's one of the millions of reasons why I love him so much. One of our children is in school, and the other one goes to preschool 3 mornings a week - I feel like I should be doing something productive with that time but everything I've tried hasn't worked. I think the next step in terms of getting a job is to accept that I need to give up weekends or evenings and get a shop/waitress job. At this point I'd do a paper round if it meant I was contributing!

Puzzcat

If the account has been defaulted it will remain on your credit file for 6 years from the default date so no point rushing to pay it off other than it will be settled which may be more appealing to a lender. A default doesn't disappear just because the debt is paid.