Living Near An Alcoholic Family Member - Please Help !! I'm At My Wits End...

Roxy07

I have my own problems and having this family member coming to my house and constantly ringing me drunk is causing me to become even more depressed.. I'm usually in a good mood before they try to ring me. And get me angry/upset/mad again.. I don't want these feelings as I'm generally a happy positive person.

Any possible solutions? if I change my number they will probably come to my house.. can I get an injunction? I need to get the person out of my life.. I could move to another City but why should I run!? i've been moving my whole life..

This family member is very controlling and too protective over me (because of my disability) which means they smother me too much as I'm capable of much more than they think I am.. they underestimate me !

I love this family member and have tried to help them but they don't want to help themselves, so I need to focus on my own life meeting new people etc and cut this person off. I've tried to explain this to said family member but they seem too selfish to understand why I need them out of my life!?

I'm not suicidal but if this continues I might start thinking that way as I want to be able to live my life (the way I want, not to be controlled), do social things etc without that person constantly ringing me when I'm out at a pub etc or coming to my house. I just want a chance to live my life MY WAY, yeah it might be a risk doing certain social things but it seems that person would prefer me to be a hermit!? seems selfish... there is a fine line between caring and being controlling/smothering which makes me even more nervous/depressed (and probably less likely to meet anyone as other people see that) when I'm out trying to meet new friends etc socialising.

Any advice? maybe from others in same situation? Is moving City the only solution!?

Confuseddot

Roxy07 wrote: »

I have my own problems and having this family member coming to my house and constantly ringing me drunk is causing me to become even more depressed.. I'm usually in a good mood before they try to ring me. And get me angry/upset/mad again.. I don't want these feelings as I'm generally a happy positive person.

Any possible solutions? if I change my number they will probably come to my house.. can I get an injunction? I need to get the person out of my life.. I could move to another City but why should I run!? i've been moving my whole life..

This family member is very controlling and too protective over me (because of my disability) which means they smother me too much as I'm capable of much more than they think I am.. they underestimate me !

I love this family member and have tried to help them but they don't want to help themselves, so I need to focus on my own life meeting new people etc and cut this person off. I've tried to explain this to said family member but they seem too selfish to understand why I need them out of my life!?

I'm not suicidal but if this continues I might start thinking that way as I want to be able to live my life (the way I want, not to be controlled), do social things etc without that person constantly ringing me when I'm out at a pub etc or coming to my house. I just want a chance to live my life MY WAY, yeah it might be a risk doing certain social things but it seems that person would prefer me to be a hermit!? seems selfish... there is a fine line between caring and being controlling/smothering which makes me even more nervous/depressed (and probably less likely to meet anyone as other people see that) when I'm out trying to meet new friends etc socialising.

Any advice? maybe from others in same situation? Is moving City the only solution!?

Not sure if it will help but have you tried saying to family member that you only want to see/speak to them when they are sober. Do you have any other supportive friends/family in the area that could try speaking on your behalf.

Try and organise some things and if she phones answer and say really sorry I can't speak right now I am doing x and say you will catch up with them later and if they phone again ignore it. Hopefully after a few times of this they may get the message.

Moving definitely the last option if you are happy where you are.

[Deleted User]

Don't answer the phone when they call, don't answer the door if they knock on it, failing that get advice from CAB about a possible injunction.

B_G_B

Roxy07 wrote: »

Any advice? maybe from others in same situation?

Loads of experience here. Give then a call.
http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk

Roxy07

Confuseddot wrote: »

Not sure if it will help but have you tried saying to family member that you only want to see/speak to them when they are sober. Do you have any other supportive friends/family in the area that could try speaking on your behalf.

Try and organise some things and if she phones answer and say really sorry I can't speak right now I am doing x and say you will catch up with them later and if they phone again ignore it. Hopefully after a few times of this they may get the message.

Moving definitely the last option if you are happy where you are.

Thing is this family member if I don't answer or speak to them would come down to my place, which is embarrassing having a drunk family member with my neighbours and if I have friends in.. how bad does this look!?

I don't think I deserve this do I? I mean I can't help the person as I don't know what to do.. and because of my own mental health problems I need to focus on ME now I've had this for years with this said person, so it has really been a drain on me and the family.. we've all tried to help this person so maybe tough love is the only way now!? we can't sacrifice all our lives for 1 person as much as we love them

When I tell this person I might need to move to be away from the stress and watching this person slowly die is too painful for me they say to me "you ain't going anywhere!" but that is MY decision surely !?

I'm starting to think moving is the only option here, or an injunction and change my phone number? they keep ringing from unknown number and I can't block it!?

They are very selfish..

Roxy07

Noble_Viking wrote: »

You need to be assertive with this person and ask them to back off. If they don't get the message then report them for harassment to police, especially if this is having a knock on effect to you and your mental health. It is not fair on you to put up with this from a drunk who clearly does not realise how their behaviour is affecting you.

There is nothing worse than a family member that takes the mick, especially when it has a knock on effect for you, I've been there done that and got several t-shirts! (and there is not a cat in hell's chance of me allowing that person back in my life...)

Thanks :money:

It is embarrassing and hurtful like I said when I AM trying to improve socially (going out my comfort zone so to speak), I have mental health problems and depression and this makes it worse.. I mean nobody wants to be around someone who has a family member like that ! and when it has a knock-on effect it turns me into a negative mood so I won't be good company.. (so rather stay in) so defeats the purpose I'm trying to achieve !

All the advice has made me feel a little better, atleast I feel I have some options now and not totally isolated.

comeandgo

Please don't be embarrassed. Nobody is judging you on a family members activities. my best friends sister is an alcoholic, her dad was an alcoholic, my husbands best friends dad was an alcoholic. It does not mean we value our friends any less.

Stripeybat

Roxy07 wrote: »

Thanks :money:

I mean nobody wants to be around someone who has a family member like that !

I just wanted to say.... Please don't feel this way. True friends are there to support each other through difficult situations and the hardest of times. You deserve friends like that x

OldMotherTucker

You are going to have to make a stand. The same thing was happening to an ex-in-law of mine. He was a drunk,manipulative, abusive bully and her self-esteem was so low, she was actually grateful to him when he was nice to her.

We set him up in the end. After ignoring his calls and increasingly abusive txts and voicemails, we knew he'd show up on her doorstep. . . so there was a little welcoming committee waiting for him in th shape of 3 rather large males!! By te time they'd body-blocked him from entering the house and outlined exactly what would happen if he was ever seen around there again, he got the message!!

They also reported him for drunk driving and he was stopped by the cops within the hour!! Now he's got a nice long list of charges to keep him occupied!

You need to be tough - it will do you the world of good!