Can anything be done to save my mother in law

Tallmarky76

Hi all,

Firstly, im not sure if this thread is in the correct place,if not my applogies.

Onto the problem..

My mother in law is 85, has sevre motability problems,has become incontinent and lives at home with one of my 2 brother in laws who (in the loosest terms) looks after her. She has been told that she needs a hip replacement operation but needs to put on weight,however the sort of meals that she gets from my brother in law (eg sausage and onions) arent conjusive to this happening.
He, unfortunately is hooked on drugs so most of any spare cash goes on his drug habit,he refuses to sign on the dole, they live off her pension etc and unfortunately are now about 1k in arrears to the energy company.
She cant go to the other brother in law who lives very close because hes out at work.
Ive spoken to the brother in law about trying to get her away from the house to try and build her up for the operation (as he obviously cant cope) to live with my wife and i but he flat out refused to let her leave the house saying that shes not well enough to go anywhere. I did think of phoning social services but surely they would need some sort of permission from her to do anything but if thats the case how can we get to her if he wont even answer the door or let us in.

It just seems like we are waiting for her to die which is a very sad state of affairs and we want to give her some comfort in her later years.

what else,if anything can be done please..

we'd welcome any suggestions to try and get this resolved.

Kind regards Mark

HappyMJ

Get your wife who I believe would be your mother in law's daughter to put her foot down and get her mother to come and live at your house.

Her son is doing no favours spending her income on himself.

Get a power of attorney over her affairs and get her to change all of her banking details so her son can no longer access the cash. My bet is he has the passwords and PIN's.

mellymoo74

You can contact the adult safeguarding team at social services.
It will cause trouble so speak to your wife first

Tallmarky76

HappyMJ and mellymoo74,

Thank you for your replies but my wife has ME, is on morphine and struggles to stay awake let alone do anything else (sorry if i didnt mention that before)

As i did say its virtually impossible to get access to the house as he doesnt want to know and the mother in law cant do because of her motabilty problems but i will speak with her to see what she says about both of your suggestions.

Kind regards Mark

mellymoo74

Adult SS safeguarding team will help.

They will send the police round to check up on your MIL that's why I said get your wife's agreement.

Going off what you have posted it's financial abuse and impacting on health so they may well help move her.
Are you able to have her with you if your wife's ill?
I ask purely because I wore myself out and had a breakdown at the end of last year because of working full time, care of OH and care of terminally ill MIL

thorsoak

Best to contact Social Services.
Let them know the situation.
Until they know, they cannot help.
Evidence of neglect might help safeguard MiL.
Leaving things as they are really isn't an option.
Are you sure that MiL won't allow anyone in the house?
Surely there might be someone who she would let in?
Safeguarding her is imperative.

Beckyy

You don't need consent to contact Adult Protection, just a concern, otherwise things would rarely be reported.

I would get int ouch with your local Social Work department as soon as possible for guidance. Could she come to yours?

Morglin

Contact Socisl Services, but if she is classed as mentally competent, they will not be able to do a thing.

She has the right to make her own decisions (poor as they might be), and they have to discuss any move with her.

Even with a Lasting Power Of Attorney, (it takes weeks and a couple of hundred pounds, even if she agrees to it) you cannot over-ride her, if she is classed as having mental capacity

Lin