Good traits gone bad!

foolofbeans

Does anybody else find that a trait that is seen as good can actually be a bad thing?

Recently my child has experienced difficulties at school due to bullying but I fear the bullying is in fact just boisterous children who play a bit rougher than my child. My child is kind, generous and easy-going which are traits I am proud they have but sometimes I think it makes life a little more difficult and I wish they could show more assertive or bolshy behaviour as that seems to be the kind of child that succeeds in the playground!

DH has always been a hard worker and it was a trait that was attractive when we first met. Years down the line and I resent myself and the children coming second best to work.

Does anybody else find a trait that is considered a good one isn't always that good?

duchy

I think it's a case of the other side is always greener.

If your son started to behave more aggressively and was getting into fights or trouble at school you'd be wishing his gentler nature back

If your husband wasn't work focused would you live in such a nice house or have a different standard of living etc


Life just isn't perfect -you can appreciate the good bits or you can focus on the negatives -The choice is yours.

pigpen

My 5 y/o is a lovely quiet gentle child too and is knocked about in the playground and talked over and mostly unnoticed .. the teachers make a special effort to find her and talk to her because she is happy to fade into the woodwork. Half the time I cant even hear what she is saying and feel awful asking her to speak up and repeat herself a dozen times.

My 4 y/o is the complete opposite and it is really hard to find a balance between managing her loud, boisterous, in your face behaviour with spending time with the quieter child.. She also accidentally hurts others and breaks things, she is very Tigger-ish!

They all have their disadvantages whatever the traits.. it all depends on the context I guess.

thriftyemma

DS1 is honest to the point of being completely tactless. I love that he is honest, and very rarely tries to lie. But when he does, it' so flippin obvious It has lead to some pretty awkward moments. He doesn't really get the concept of white lies, or tact.

DS2 is charming, and a people pleaser. He has lots of friends, and is never lonely. But, because he tries too hard to fit in, other more dominant kids sometimes take advantage, and lead him astray. I must admit, it doesn't take much to make DS2 misbehave!

DD1 is very independent. She loves to play on her own, and is never bored. It has made it a little difficult for her to fit in at school, as she likes to play "her way or no way". I imagine this will change a bit as she gets older, she's only 4 atm.

Hermia

foolofbeans wrote: »

Does anybody else find that a trait that is seen as good can actually be a bad thing?

I think there are very few personality traits that are wholly good or bad. I think it depends on how you use them, how far you take them or the context. Being nice and kind-hearted is good, but not if you allow yourself to be used or you end up emotionally smothering your loved ones. Being envious is generally seen as bad, but can be good if you don't take it out on others, but instead use it to spur you on to changing your life.

foolofbeans

thank you for your comments....it does make me feel better that you can see the positive in everyone and there will always be issues with a personality type.

Spirit_2

Any personal strength that is over played becomes a weakness. As a young woman i was assertive...very assertive. It lead to some dominant behaviour on my part at home and work.I lacked the insight to recognise the problems I was causing for myself and others, feedback in a variety of forms helped me to learn and modify my behaviour.

Some of these lessons would have been good to learn when I was younger. Can you help your child by talking through different ways of responding to situations?