New house regret/ advice

LauWill

I'm also currently on the waiting list for cbt which they think will take approx 2 months.

tiger_eyes

If you fell in love with the house, it's in a nice area and it's affordable, it seems a shame to sell it. It sounds like you could be really happy there if the anxiety was addressed. Have you considered going private to get therapy sooner? It may sound expensive, but I suspect it would be a lot cheaper than the loss you'd make on selling the house so quickly.

foreversummer

Is being near his family bringing back memories and making you have doubts about your new relationship?

I hope you don't take this the wrong way but sometimes we feel confused and anxious because we are finding it difficult to understand our emotions and confront them.

Foreversummer

d70cw6

i get the same feeling when i buy my lunchtime sandwich

LauWill

Not at all- I'm so much happier now. It wasn't the best relationship, but it was 5 years of my life. I'm frustrated because it was a passing thought when I signed for the house, as I have no attachment to any of them. I'm in a much better position now, just can't help feeling slightly silly that I've gotten myself into this situation. it's almost like I'm scared to see them out and about, which is ridiculous!

Grenage

LauWill wrote: »

Hi all, first ever post and just looking for some advice. I'm 24 and have just bought my first property. I paid 82500, with a deposit of 5%. I'm in a 2 year fixed rate (3.99) with Santander. My issue is that I know I've made a mistake purchasing the house. I'm now a month and a half in and don't feel like I'll ever feel that this is the house for me (first world problems I know). There is nothing wrong with the house, it's in a nice area and I got it for 2,500 below asking price. Just wondering what my options are- I know I have to wait 6 months min before I can put it back on the market. Is it worth putting it back on and cutting my losses (told by Santander I'll owe 2300 or so in charges) plus solicitors fees? Or, as my boyfriend suggested, would I be able to hold out and port the mortgage in 18 months time? And if I do that, would I be able to add him onto the mortgage in the process? We're planning on saving again for a house together- hopefully within 2 years. Just really needing some advice as the situation I've gotten myself into is making me ill!

Chill. Out.

You're living on your own, it's a bit different, the house isn't what you thought.

It's only been a month, and I can assure you that most people see the house very differently once they've moved in - you buy a house, but you make a home.

Take it a week at a time and it will all feel a lot better; two years is no time at all.

mildredalien

It sounds like the problem is with your feelings of anxiety rather than the house - you would probably be feeling similarly if you rushed into selling the property and then had to deal with all sorts of other feelings of regret!

There are lots of resources out there for CBT (self help books and websites) which might be a good starting point for you to have a think about what exactly is causing your anxiety and dealing with that. Please don't rush into any big decisions such as selling the house!

Strangely enough, I'm moving into the same part of town (with my husband) as my ex's mum now lives!! My relationship didn't end too well but I always got on well with his family... it would be weird and a bit awkward to bump into her but it wouldn't be the end of the world.

Trying_to_be_good

I agree with others (and from personal experience) that it's the anxiety that needs sorting, and your new house (home) location is "just" a focus right now not necessarily a long-term issue.
CBT is great, you could start by making a list of everything you loved about the house when you first saw it, what made you excited about it. Then you can work on getting those thoughts back to the front of your mind, and making them even stronger through applying some CBT techniques. Promise :-)

blues

I felt similar when we moved into our new house. A lot of anxiety and feeling very unsettled. I'm now absolutely fine and loving our new home, but it's taken 18 months to feel this way. Don't rush into anything...

PasturesNew

Many/most people will have some level of regret at their choice of house. No house is ever perfect and after the rollercoaster ride of the purchasing process, when you get the keys your heart can just sink and you fall into a pit of despair about the awful thing you just did.

You need to realise that this is a normal part of the process - unless you've bought a house between a rough/noisy brothel and the local gangland leader's family, then you're just experiencing regular Buyers' Remorse.

This is the house you chose, for some reason or another - and you need to just see it as a means to an end.

I bought a house I disliked, then got trapped in it, it was over 6 years before I could realistically get out ... and even then it took a year to sell.

It's not the end of the world. You've got one. Others haven't. You just have to accept that it'll never be the house of your dreams. Most people never get the house of their dreams and in this day and age you're 'lucky' to be able to get the security of tenure that ownership buys at a price of only about £80k. The house I hated cost me £90k in 2000 and I then needed to plough a further £20-25k into it just to make it vaguely habitable.

Also, remember, if you do try to "ditch" it too quickly, you could simply be making a second bad choice.