What is in the middle between frugal and splashing out?

dekaspace

Having a heated discussion with some people today who not to sound rude first off but none came from a poor home all were from at least reasonable off working class homes and around their early 20's

Topic of discussion was flatmates but went on to everyday life.

The example I gave was lets say it was someone like me who was a low usage utility bill person, showering once a day, washing machine once a week and living off basics like sandwiches and cereal (at least when I was their age) who had flatmates who had multiple showers a day, washing machine almost every day, tumble dryer on every day (for a few hours) they left lights on in room and computers even if going away for weekend or cooked something all night like a stew (going by personal experience when I first left home)

Reponses were all "the person is living frugally and its not the others fault so bills should be divided equally"

Similarly they said the person should get a job to fund the excess their flatmates had done because as is they have no money to cover emergencies and if they couldn't afford to cover things like this then they should never have left home

I did throw in a few what ifs(again going by experience) like what if the person lived in middle of nowhere with no transport links and moved to get back into education and get a job by their reckoning the person shouldn't leave home until they had a job and money.

People kept changing the subject after that.

The other part of the argument was that if Person A even if they had little money in first place lived off a diet of pasta, bread, milk etc they could live on next to nothing and for any extras they may just get reduced food.

That was again seen as frugal and the responses were "get a better job/a job at all to not buy reduced stuff"

Just wondering they seemed to go to either you are being frugal or living "normally" with normal meaning dont care about anything and live however you want regardless if you can afford it or not.

What do people on here think?

NewShadow

I think, before you either accept a housemate or a room in a house, you should have a conversation about the utilities (and other things) to agree how the house will be run.

If you agree to split the bills equally - you should abide by the agreement

If you agree reduced shares for one person (because of reduced usage or lower income) - you should abide by the agreement

If you agree the house will be run frugally (lights out, heating low, only full loads in the machine) - you should abide by the agreement

If you agree the house will not be run frugally (heating moderate to hot, no restrictions on usage of utilities) - you should abide by the agreement

It's the same as you should agree how to split the kitchen, phone/internet bills, parties... Living together is about compromise, which is about conversation.

If you're adults - act like it.

GreyQueen

Thirty-odd years ago, I was placed into a shared flat with strangers by a uni accomodation service; not choosing my own flatmates. I was 18 and had already lived away from home Sun-Fri since aged 16.

I was skint (am from a working-class family) and it turned out my new flatmates were several gels from very privileged backgrounds. Whilst myself and another girl were living very frugally from necessity, these gels were buying ballgowns from elite stores, going to elite venues, skiing and they were stalwarts of the pony club set. The were marking time at uni before Marrying Well and had no serious expectations of ever having to support themselves by the fruits of their own labours. Life was very much a game for them.

It was a helluva culture clash as these young ladies wasted money hand-over-fist and had no compunction about running up the utility bills which we divided equally as per the uni rules.

Trying to discuss thrift was pointless, one might as well have been speaking Swahili. After a few months, I took my frugal self off into bedsitland and lived within my means for the rest of my student life.

flubberyzing

In answer to your question in the title, for me at least, the answer would be "living comfortably within your means day to day."


Myself for instance, I'm a primary school teacher, living alone, earning a salary in the upper half of 20-30K a year. Having only myself to rely on in terms of bills and cost of living, I do have to be frugal at times.


For instance, I'd like to have Sky TV, but I know I can't afford the... I don't know, £30 a month fee. So instead I settle for Netflix and Amazon Instant, at a combined cost of about £14.


I'd like to buy all my clothes from M&S or Next, but I can't afford that for everything. So for most things I either settle for Primark or Matalan, or just don't buy at all.


Generally, by living frugally 80% of the time, I know the money is there for meals out, a twice a month Costas, a yearly trip to a day spa and a foreign beachy holiday once a year.


It's knowing what you REALLY want to spend your money on, and cutting back in areas that you don't really care about.

monnagran

GreyQueen: Been there. When I was a student in the fifties my friend and i were both from very modest working class families and we both had younger siblings at home so financial support from families was nil. It was hard enough for our parents to let us go on in further education anyway.
We were both existing on a grant which worked out at 5 shillings (25p) per week. This had to cover everything, books, stationery, soap, toothpaste, clothes etc . There were a lot of girls there from public schools who regarded us with much amusement, I think they thought that us taking a spoonful of salt from the breakfast table to clean our teeth with was some sort of lifestyle choice.
One day they actually learned how much we survived on. One girl was aghast. "I spend more than that on perfume," she said.
That was the same girl who used 6 eggs to make scrambled egg for 2 of them and managed to make it just enough for one slice of toast. They were very grateful when we let them into the secret of whisking in some milk to make it go further.

Dekaspace. People who have never had to be frugal simply won't understand, but no one knows what will happen in the future and if they ever hit hard times they will wish that they had learned a few lessons on how to cope from you.

You are the clever one here my dear.

X

dekaspace

The argument I gave based on what I experienced when I first left home was the rent included a token amount which was £10 at the time for 4 people which sounds like nothing but this is almost 20 years ago and after I moved out of there I went to a bedsit and paid under £2 a week electric (but didnt have a washing machine and shared a kitchen which was free electric) my experience was my flatmates went over £150 over that £10 a week budget over 3 months (so £50 a month) as had 3 showers a day and used tumble dryers and there was no verbal agreement about topping up they just said it has to be divided.



And I moved in when house was empty so wasn't able to have a discussion with tenants.

Their argument was just pay your share regardless, and don't leave home without financial backing i.e loans/overdrafts (so basically debt) or working

The other part of my argument was what if someone liked living off pasta, cereal, bread/toast and the basics and was told that was living frugal (and denied it was due to choice)

armyknife

dekaspace wrote: »

Having a heated discussion with some people today ......

What do people on here think?

You had a long conversation with some idiots.


Was this a productive use of your time?

GreyQueen

The trouble with sharing utility bills is essentially the same problem as sharing the tab among a group at a restaurant. Some folks have much more money than others, and can see no reason to choose the more economical menu options, or forgo the extras, but still expect the bill to be split evenly, because that's fair.

Even if they've consumed twice as much money's worth of food and drink and have incomes twice, thrice or quadruple or more than their fellow diners. I know people who have been left sick to their stomach when a rich friend, who has dined expensively as part of their group, has seized the bill and cried glibly let's just split it all six ways, shall we?

Conveniently forgetting that some people present have chosen the very cheapest options on the menu out of necessity, and are much poorer than they are themselves, and that they are expecting them to subsidise their expensive choices and copious wine consumption.

It's very hard to enjoy a meal out with friends where they decide to blow your budget out of the water and leave you short for the rest of the week. I don't tend to eat out at all, but even friends with higher-paid jobs than me get caught out by this kind of behaviour and are left stressed and unhappy as a result.:(

VfM4meplse

dekaspace wrote: »

Just wondering they seemed to go to either you are being frugal or living "normally" with normal meaning dont care about anything and live however you want regardless if you can afford it or not.

What do people on here think?

It seems to me that if you have been brought up to live in a frugal fashion then you're better off staying at home until you can move out into accommodation you don't have to share.

When I left home I accepted life would be a bread-and-jam existence at first...tbh the habit hasn't left and my parents just don't get why I don't cook a meal every day, much less why I don't eat regularly.

GreyQueen, I thought you might enjoy this.

lessonlearned

Thanks that was funny.......

Restaurant bills .......lol

Flat sharing :eek:

I tried it once .....Never again.

I would rather starve in a garret in splendid isolation.;)

cyantist

With restaurant bills, costs can easily and quickly be worked out exactly according to what someone has eaten. How can you do that with utility usage?

While we were saving to buy a house, DH and I rented with another couple who were anal about this and wanted to calculate exactly who had used what, despite us all being sensible about our usage. It made it really miserable living there and probably for a maximum of £5 difference a month.

I think if you’re sharing the costs, you have to accept that maybe you might pay a little more than if everyone was as frugal as you were, but I would guess it doesn’t make a huge amount of difference and certainly still works out cheaper than if you were paying everything on your own.