Best way to manage guest of guest

Andrew_Ryan_89

Hi guys, in a very rushed fashion, my fiance and I pretty much just started planning our wedding for THIS September. Venue is booked and draft guest list has been drawn up. Nothing big, looking for 120 people max at the dinner reception with more people being aloud to join the drinks after.

For my small number of friends that are coming, for only a few have I given a +1. Those who mainly don't have mutual friends with me so they are not alone, When it comes to my family (mainly cousins), I have not factored in their partners and children, If, for example, I can't/don't want to invite their partners because of number constrains etc. Is there a polite/proper way of getting this across?

Hope this all makes sense!

Torry_Quine

Whatever you do someone will not be happy. Personally it seems strange not to invite a spouse/partner but you know these people. Just be very clear with the invitations.

springdreams

Sorry, but if I was invited to a wedding, even a family one, and my partner was specifically excluded then I would not be going.

And 120 is definitely not a small wedding in my books. I had 34 people at my wedding.

warby68

Firstly congrats and good luck.

Inviting single people alone seems reasonable as long as they know others.

Inviting one half of an established couple? Can't see that going down well - your family might be the exception but if you're asking here, I guess you're not sure.

120 is actually quite a lot

I'd rethink your invites more fully rather than trying to find a way to say 'just you, not your other half' tactfully because there simply isn't a tactful way to do this. If you do go ahead, make your invitations clear but expect every one with a partner still to ring up to see if that's what you really mean and not be impressed when it is.

Mr.Generous

send em out like that, most people won't come with those terms so you'll be able to keep numbers down. If someone invited your partner but not you how would you feel??

kingfisherblue

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

Hi guys, in a very rushed fashion, my fiance and I pretty much just started planning our wedding for THIS September. Venue is booked and draft guest list has been drawn up. Nothing big, looking for 120 people max at the dinner reception with more people being aloud to join the drinks after.

For my small number of friends that are coming, for only a few have I given a +1. Those who mainly don't have mutual friends with me so they are not alone, When it comes to my family (mainly cousins), I have not factored in their partners and children, If, for example, I can't/don't want to invite their partners because of number constrains etc. Is there a polite/proper way of getting this across?

Hope this all makes sense!

How often do you see your cousins? If you see them enough to want to invite them to your wedding, surely you see something of their families too?


I agree that 120 people is not a small wedding, and personally I would rethink the guest list. Maybe have far fewer people during the day, then a big party at night, including extended family if you want them there.


I don't think that you can politely insist that spouses are not included in the invitation, and feel that you would risk upsetting a lot of people if you go down that route.

Andrew_Ryan_89

Thanks for the advice guys.

I've now added the partners of my cousins to the mix as well.

I have not invited the partners of my friends though as they will be with mutual people (work colleagues etc.).

Only people I have allowed to invite guest that I don't know are people who will bey themselves otherwise. I guess that's okay?

paddyrg

120 covers for lunch is a big number, this is quite a big wedding already and I guess you've invited a fair few people who aren't 'core'. I think it's time to have a breather and see what responses you get - there will be a fair number who can't come for various reasons, and that'll either get your numbers a bit more under control, or it'll mean you can allow a few partners

clairec79

I think you can not invite cousins children but not their spouses

oliverrichmond67

This thread helped me a lot. Thank you so much for sharing.