making a will..should we say something?

starsinmycrown

hi, i'm not sure if this is in the right section or not, but i thought it was the closest one i could find, so please move it if it's wrong. I don't know if anybody can help here, but i was on the forums, so i thought i'd give it a go anyway!

My mother mentioned something last night and it's been bugging me a little so i wondered if anybody had any advice. My dad died last year and i have 2 grandparents who are in their late 70s. My dad was their only son and they have a daughter and four grandchildren.

My auntie ran off two years ago with a man in his 20s (she is about 50). This man was disliked by my father and is disliked by the whole family. My grandfather refuses to speak to him. My mother told me last night she was very worried about my grandparents, as they mentioned last night that they'd had phonecalls asking if they'd like to make a will. they told mum that incidentally they weren't interested as it was "too soon" (theyre in good health but theyre getting for 80!!) and they didnt need one.

My mum is worried now that if they die, without a formal will, the money will go to the next of kin- i.e my auntie and her toyboy. My grandparents are pensioners but they are very comfortable. This man already has a lot of money that has come his way from my auntie demanding half of the house from my uncle, which she got (she wanted all of it initially!) so this man has gone from being somebody who lives at home to now having a joint mortgage. I dont think theyre married but they are engaged and he must be entitled to something. My mother says that she thinks it wont last and that he's a gold digger.

It worries me because money that would have been my father's is now going to my auntie and this man. My dad would have hit the roof. Moreover, i know that if it were put to my grandparents that this would happen, theyd go mad too. My cousins wouldnt like it either. My mum says she feels as though she should say something, but as a daughter in law she feels as though its not her place. She feels as though she should advise them to leave it to the grandchildren, to help us on our way. My grandparents are fairly difficult to talk to, and my mum thinks it would be inappropriate to tell them what to do with their money, and they dont want to even think about wills and dying, but my father's death has proved to us that you should always always make provisions- if we hadn't had life assurance and wills, we would be out on the streets now- but she's concerned that if they dont do something then this money will go to somebody who has no rights over it. Mum says she would be staggered if my grandad hasn't thought of that, especially as he hates him so much, but now we know theyre not even interested in writing a will, we've had to think again! Where would the money go to automatically if there were no will? Any advice for us would be appreciated. x

Andy_L

If they die without a will they will die "intestate" and the law proscribes the distribution , generally:

Goes to (mostly) spouse
Shared between children, grandchildren or other lineal decedents else:
Shared between parents else:
Shared between siblings:

It is however far better for them to write a will

lisyloo

I think you are right to be concerned.
If someone dies intestate (without a will) then the intestacy laws dictate in law who the money goes toand sometimes this can be not the intended recipient.

A will does not have to be expensive. They can write it down or get a pack from WH Smiths or do it on-line.
Personally I would prefer to pay a relatively small fee to a solicitor to ensure it's all done properly.

It can never be too soon IMO. People can die at any age so everyone needs a will.

I think this would best be approached by someone that they trust who does not have a vested interest.
Do you know anyone who fits that description?

At the end of the day it's not up to anyone else what happens with someone's money and if this is approached by anyone with a vested interest then it could look entirely wrong.

localhero

Hi Starsinmycrown,

You are right to be concerned, because ultimately your aunt stands to benefit from the intestacy laws (and it could get messy upon first death) - which is why it's especially important for your grandparents to make a Will.

In addition, since you say they say that they are quite well off, it's likely there would be an unnecessary inheritance tax liability which could have been minimised or avoided.

Like Lisyloo correctly says, it may be better for somebody else to tackle this issue, but if you cannot identify somebody suitable then you will need to approach the matter with great caution, since the grandparents are entitled to do as they please with their estates. Also you cannot be sure that they haven't already made a will - although by them saying "it's a bit early" is quite worrying.

It's therefore quite feasible that they don't want to think about their own demise and have done nothing. This head in the sand attitude is something I encounter quite a lot and there are almost always negative consequences.

I feel that perhaps you should tactfully mention that perhaps they should review/make a will simply for tax reasons without mentioning anything about the aunt and her undesirable companion.

You will need to approach this in an extremely sensitive manner, and there will be plenty of people who will disagree with me on this point and say that it's none of your business. However I feel that they should if they haven't already done so obtain professional advice so that their estates can pass to their desired beneficiaries in a tax efficient and orderly way. You should on no account be involved in that process, but you should I feel, nudge them towards taking advice.

lisyloo

and there will be plenty of people who will disagree with me on this point and say that it's none of your business

I would disagree with those people.
If you see any of your friends or family in a situation which may cause some grief in the future then I would feel there is a moral obligation to intervene.
Yes, it is very tricky to approach but that doesn't justify sticking your head in the sand.

margaretclare

I agree with everyone who says your parents should have a will. I can't understand the 'too soon' argument. People can and do die very suddenly at very much younger ages than your parents. I feel very strongly that everyone should have a will - everyone! I've seen at first hand some of the fall-out from people dying intestate. I would do my best to persuade them to make a will.

HTH

Margaret

helloecho

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad.

You do need to approach your grandparents. Surely the fact they've recently suffered the loss of their own son must mean that they realise how suddenly and unexpectedly anyone can be taken away. Maybe you can bring it up with them to begin with by talking about your Dad. Mention how lucky you were in the circumstances that your dad (I assume) had life assurance and (again, I assume) a will, which have made your life slightly easier at a really difficult time. Maybe mention that you are thinking of doing same thing, and then gently bring it up with them that you're worried what will happen when their time comes because they don't even have a will. If they're worried about the proccess, maybe print some information online for them to look at, and reassure them that it needn't be expensive or daunting, because at the end of the day it will make life a tiny bit more bearable for whichever one of them is left behind. And they can rest peacefully knowing that their affairs are being dealt with as they would wish.

Undoubtably it's a difficult situation, but if they truly understand the implications of not having one, I'm sure they'd be willing (excuse the inappropriate pun).