should I let near bankrupt move in?

natwill_3

Hi,

My OH wants to move in to my flat ( central london valued at 450k, mortgage less than half that as I have owned in London some time).

He has cc debts he admits to of £35k plus others but has moved in to a friends house which he rents and thinks they will never find him.

I am slightly nervous as his house ( which he has rented out for 4 years) which he was going to sell quickly is about to be repossessed (he hasn't paid motgage in 6 months)

I don't want to appear cold but I have tried so hard to save money myself yet he doesn't care and racks up more debt now and just changes address.

Am I at risk in letting him move in? he thinks it will be fine if we get married as he will change his name to mine????

Ps I don't agree with running away from debt but nothing I say sinks in

Thanks anyone

Emmzi

would you be posting if you didn't know the answer?

they'll track him somehow - through bank, NI number, somehow, even with a change of name.

do you want to share this much of your life with someone bad with money and *always* be the one paying the bills, buying the food, ranting cos he's got the latest gadget and still owes you cash?

if he does move in - have NO joint accounts, document every single penny he pays you towards bills, take NO CASH for mortgage or home improvement sor if you break up he may claim a stake in the property.

It's not being cold - it's self preservation. Search the thrads, there's hundreds of tales that start out like yours and end in seperation, financial hardship, and misery.

sparklymessygirl

Just wanted to say that I agree totally with Emzzi - I also think if you did let him move in you would no longer feel secure and that would be an awful way to live.

Sparkly

natwill_3

Thank you, yes I have seen the threads which is why I am so worried..

Could I give him a rent book and he could "rent" second bedroom?

Don't think I don't love him , I do, but he is currently taking up a new extreme sport costing thousands whilst I get lodgers to help pay to renovate my new home (bought a year ago) and I sometimes despair

sparklymessygirl

Technically he could (you'd want it properly documented and surely you would actually want the rent too) but I get the sense that he would be a drain on you - financially and consequently emotionally. You can still love him though!

Sparkly

spud30

natwill wrote: »

He has cc debts he admits to of £35k plus others but has moved in to a friends house which he rents and thinks they will never find him.

I think the first few words above say it all really.

He hasnt been honest about the amount of debt he has. I'm sure you do love him, but please be very careful, do lots of research and think things through thoroughly.

I wonder why he is taking up a sport costing thousands, yet isnt paying his debts. Sounds like his lightbulb hasnt even flickered yet.

SarahNeedle1872

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to agree with SparklyMessyGirl and Emmzi, IMHO I would steer well clear....

Also to point out, it wouldn't matter if he changed his name to urs, he would still be tracked down... I would suggest he either comes completely clean about his debts and shows u that hes changed, or u will be drained financially and emotionally as SMG said.

Sorry if its harsh, but u need to look after urself

Sarah x

natwill_3

lol..no it hasn't, i don't think it ever will

RAS

Hi NAtwill

Well done for having sense.

If it does not feel right, do not do it.

And on a more rationale level, there is some bigger problem that just his debts, if he has been receiving rent for 6 months and has not paid his mortgage.

As for getting married, please do not do that at this stage, as even if you do not let him pay anything towards the house, and avoid all joint accounts, you are either going to find yourself facing one of two situations

1.he sticks around and you have to deal with all the crap re his debts. Do you want to be able to answer the phone with confidence?
2. based on past history, he will stay around long enough to make life really midserable, then move on.

These boards are littered with people who have found themselves in huge debts because of an irresponsible partner. Since his (sometimes her) credit rating is so bad, all the accounts and loans are in the name of the partner whose credit is good. Then when the spendthrift dissappears guess who is holding the debts? At least one had an ex who forged her signature on one set of documents and who then found herself liable for a five figure debt which he may or may not have forged her sig a second time.

Do you want children? Could you imagine this man maintaining a good job and getting his debt in check so that you can take time off to have children and work part-time afterwards if it is best for you all?

Tell him that if he wants to continue the relationship, he gets his finances in order. Do not even talk to him about moving in until you can do a credit check and the recent record is OK.

by the way, if he was to go BK, at least that would be facing up to his situation rather than running away. There are lots of folk for whom it is the only option and many of them had very little option because of changed circumstances. There are also a number of peole whose exs did a runner for whom there is no choice.

Jacks_xxx

No flipping way honey.

As soon as you have a joint account with him, or a joint CC with him he'll affect your credit rating - and if you marry the fool you can be chased for his debts.

He doesn't sound like the kind of person you'd want to have any financial reliance on.

You're financially incompatible. Run very fast in the opposite direction sweetie! :eek:

(Just my opinion of course!)

Love Jacks xxx

Voyager2002

I so agree with Spud30. You will regret sharing your life with him: better to continue living at separate addresses and just meet to share good times.