Is it normal to be friends with your child's step-parent?

Batman_100

Hi

Here's my situation.

In the summer of 2014 me and my ex split up and I've continued to have contact with her 6 year old daughter from a previous relationship. I usually see her every other weekend and one weekday evening and she still calls me dad.

She lives with her mum, mums fianc!, his 2 kids and her baby sister.

Me and my ex are still good friends and they've both done a lot to encourage me to keep up my relationship with my daughter. We've always respected each other and really are committed to making things work for our little girl.

They keep me updated with things going on in her life and will always tag me in photos of her they post on Facebook. We've all been on nights out together with friends, they let me see their baby when she was just a few hours old and they have no problem with me coming to their house on a fairly regular basis.

I didn't really question any of this until the other day when a woman I work with starting having a rant about how much she hates her step-sons mum. It made me think about my own relationship with my daughters step dad. Is it really normal for us to all to get on like this? After all, I doubt this is typical for most kids from broken homes?

Does anyone have any thoughts?

gettingtheresometime

No it's not typical but surely it's better to have the relationship you've got rather than the one your work colleague has?

Tbh it makes a refreshing change

Rachel83

Why would you not be happy about the situation? Your kept in the loop so to speak and well informed of your daughters progress. Your daughter definitely benefits from this, much nicer to grow up in that situation rather than one where the adults are at war!

girlsmum

i think its lovely, better that way. I am still friendly with my ex, he did have a partner but is single again, but i dont see any reason that i would not communicate with him or partners he might have, we have children together and they come first.

Alikay

Not typical from what I've seen, but lovely for the children when it does happen
My children went to school with a blended family of quite a few children all close in age - full, step and half-siblings. All the parents and new partners, all the kids from past and present relationships, plus the various grandparents used to go on holiday each year en mass and the kids seemed very happy and secure with the set-up.

TBagpuss

It sounds as though you and your ex have managed much better than many people do, and your step-daughter is benefiting from this.

It does happen. I have a friend who has a *very* complicated family, lots of half-siblings, step-siblings, half-siblings step-siblings, step siblings half-siblings and so on. Nearly all of them have, or had, good relationships with the various parents.

Families work in lots of ways, and just as the fact that two adults fall in love doesn't mean that their children automatically get on, equally, just because adults fall out of love doesn't mean that the relationships the adults have built up with other family members automatically end.

It sounds as though you have a good relationship with your step daughter and her mum, which is positive for all three of. Well done

Savvy_Sue

It may not be normal, but who'd want normal in this situation? FAR better to have a good relationship, even a friendship, than a non-relationship or a hostile one.

System

My mum and my first step mum actually got on really well, i think its because my mum could see she cared for me and looked after me like her own. M step um even ended up confiding in my mum when things with my bio dad turned sour (after all she'd been in exactly the same boat), so no i don't think it;s abnormal.

Anatidaephobia

I think that it is not common but it is good.

suki1964

Me and DH's ex wife get along the very best

Indeed she even comes and stays with her daughter from a later relationship when she wants a break.

At our daughters wedding last week, I got to meet her new fella and we all four spent the following night out together

As I said to DH, you can divorce your wife, buts she's the mother of your children, that will never change so it's best if we learn to get along together

Daughters husband has two children from a previous relationship. They are treated as our grandchildren and are as welcome to visit with us whenever they want, with or without parents.

Person_one

It sounds much better for everybody, especially the children, than a load of conflict and stress.

Do you have parental responsibility for your ex's daughter though or did you adopt her? If not there could be some issues waiting further down the line perhaps.