What should I tell her?

westie666

Folks,
I appologise if this is a bit long winded and boring, but really needing advise on this !!!

Back in January my wife started a conversion course at university. She is doing a nurding degree therefore receives £500 per month for attending. This was fine as her work let her work in their Nursing bank.
However round about March/April time her work started to shunt her out...so she started working at a care home 3 days a week, and doing uni placement for the other 3.

This worked fine up until we went on holiday 6 weeks ago.

On holiday my wife took not well, racing heart and pains in her left arm. We ended up in the local hospital for an over night stay.....not good.
Since we have got home (4 weeks ago) we have been to the hospital 6 times and seem (I think) 6 times, with different problems each time.

The docs have basically, everytime came back and and said that it is a viral infection she gained on holiday and will just take its time to settle again.

Since coming back from holiday she has started with a new Nursing bank, how have given her a fair few shifts, but she has had to leave early because of being to well.

Financially it was fine at the start, but now we are really struggling to make the payments on all our commitments.
Basically My wife would work about 18 hours a week and that was enough to meet the bills, but now she is working on average 12 hours per week at a lesser rate than before.

I am getting to me wits end with this. A mixture of not feeling well myself (down and slightly depressed, because of the whole situation!), wife not well, and now the financial problems knocking at the door.

My wife has spoken to her tutor, and is wanting to do the diploma course, as this is less effort and will allow time to work in between, but she has a fair amount of UNi work (placements) as well.

I would like for her to leave uni (as she can keep the credits she has already gained) and get a full time job until we can properly afford for her to go to uni.
How do I tell her all this, without making it sound like this is all her fault.

I am also willing to work weekends to keep the money coming in, but really reluctant to work 7 days a week.

Thanks for listening and waiting for any advice.

Rgds
w666

melancholly

i think you need to sit down with her and talk about it - if her being in situation is going to drag you both into financial problems, then it's not good! if she can make it work with having more shifts without making herself ill, then perhaps she could give that a go.

you really need to discuss it together - if you do something like think on your own and decide it really won't work, and then tell her not to do the course, that would be asking for a huge row (i'm not suggesting that;s how you'd handle it, it's just a worst case scenario!)! state the situation and see if you can work it out - i very much doubt she wants you to default on any payments and must want to find a solution for both of you.

sampa99978

Hi, I'm sorry to hear about your troubles.

I'd definitely talk it through with your wife, but something you may need ot think about. If your wife is feeling unwell during some placements, will she be well enough for a full time job? I hope she gets better soon, and that will make things easier for the both of you.

Best wishes.

westie666

Thanks Melencholly,

This is what I think I should do, but she is already through 8 months, with 11 to go.
I have kind of hinted at the fact we don't have the money to do things and to pay stuff.

I just don't have the heart to do that to her, but I suppose I do need to just be strong and say this to her

W

emma_b_4

i too am doing nursing and we do struggle financially and i know my huuby gets stressed about money and will say he is carrying all the responsibility of bills etc.. since i went to uni i have dropped 11k a year. we have adjusted all the DDs as low as possible, sold my car and made all the cutbacks we can, in view of the fact that "it will be worth it when i qualify" !! (hopefully!)
i dont understand the course your wife is on, i am doing the diploma and its three years, now im pregnant its four years (oops)
if you are struggling your wife could try applying for the hardship fund through uni (though you really do need to be struggling, i cannot claim anything and we arent well off at all!)
perhaps if your wifes health is suffering it isnt the best time for her to be juggling a job and a uni course. the course is very demanding with the essays and placements.
im sure if you sit down with her and discuss recent events she will be understanding.
although from personal experience when my huby goes on about money i get all defensive and feel like im dragging us down so maybe tackle it form the health angle first ?
good luck x

westie666

Thanks Emma,

The course my wife is doing is a conversion course, she is already a qualified nurse, but is training to pediatrics...the course started in Jan this year, and finishes in July next.
Thanks also for letting me into a little of your life, but I really think financially she needs to work for the time being. Also I have reduced our outgoings as far as possible.

I will ask about the hardship fund though, maybe just maybe

lynzpower

westie,

have you done a SOA on the DFW board. they know of all the cheapest suppliers, it mgiht be possible to slice back a bit further to allow her to carry on?

elisebutt65

Hold on here a minute though - She isn't managing to work 12 hours a week and you want her to quit a course that could raise your standard of living, so that she can work full time???? If she's so ill she can't work 12 hours - how on earth is she going to manage 37+??? At least when she's at Uni she can sit there and take notes and write essays etc - it's not as stressful as working in a carehome!

Being Devils advocate here - If my hubby insisted I stopped my uni course for the sake of money, I'd tell him to eff off. Personally you need to do an SOA and see where you can cut back or at least present it all to her very very gently.

Having said that my hubby wouldn't let me do a course so I did tell him to eff off(after I'd caught him at it as well tho - LOL) and I've managed financially ok even with 2 littlies. If a single mum can do a degree and support a family I'm sure you could manage just for a little while longer - 11 months isn't forever?

TheWaltons_3

elisebutt65 wrote: »

Hold on here a minute though - She isn't managing to work 12 hours a week and you want her to quit a course that could raise your standard of living, so that she can work full time???? If she's so ill she can't work 12 hours - how on earth is she going to manage 37+??? At least when she's at Uni she can sit there and take notes and write essays etc - it's not as stressful as working in a carehome!

Being Devils advocate here - If my hubby insisted I stopped my uni course for the sake of money, I'd tell him to eff off. Personally you need to do an SOA and see where you can cut back or at least present it all to her very very gently.

Having said that my hubby wouldn't let me do a course so I did tell him to eff off(after I'd caught him at it as well tho - LOL) and I've managed financially ok even with 2 littlies. If a single mum can do a degree and support a family I'm sure you could manage just for a little while longer - 11 months isn't forever?

My sentiments exactly.

If your wife is ill, you go and work harder. And yes, it is as simple as that..

westie666

Elise and Waltons,

Thanks for you words. I dont feel a SOA would help this, as I have already gone though this myself recently (2 months ago). As for working.
I agree to some extent that she should not work more, but as it stands, she is working on Uni placement 5 days per week, (40 Hours per week) and trying to work at the weekend. Personally I think it could be exhaustion (but im not a doctor )
She is working 40 @ Uni, 12@ work, and I am working 55 per week just to try and make things work.

I also did not find your comment very helpful 'TheWaltons' as you had no idea of the amount of hours I have to work to try and make the money we really need (note this is not would like!)

W

emma_b_4

i think maybe you are right and she is trying to do too much - has she not being seconded for the course as she is already qualified? if not, maybe she could look into that for the future is she is unable to carry on at the moment?
or maybe you could try for payment holidays on some things to ease financial burden?
sounds like your wife needs a rest though! x