pre-puberty in 9 year old-how to help????

zoesmummy_2006

My beautiful sunny happy smily soon to be 10 year old appears to have hit 'pre puberty' from what I can tell. She can go from being happy and content to hysterical and breaking down in tears or sat saying she wants to cry but doesnt know why. I have explained to her that its all part of growing up, to which I get told she doesnt want to grow up lol, but Im at a loss as to how else to help her.

She used to settle at night so easily, now she seems to mainly get upset and want to cry at bedtime, saying she cant sleep and then its a vicious circle cos shes overtired. Ive tried running her a hot bath and letting her relax in that before bed, last night I put her some music on to distract her from thinking which seemed to help but shes not had music on at bedtime in a couple of years, and we had a good chat, I told her she can tell me anything thats worrying her and i'll help no matter what, but she insists nothing is worrying her.

If shes like this now, how on earth is she going to be when it comes to periods and boobs etc:eek:
Does anyone have any advice....please!!!

pigpen

Don't make it a drama.. just deal with it as it comes.. its surely not that long since you were 10!!

Dish out hugs and tissues and alone time as required same as you've done the last 10 years!

By the time periods happen it'll all just be taken in their stride.

Alikay

There might be something happening at school - maybe a friendship cooling, struggling with a particular subject or similar? My DD could be very emotional if her friends had been pushing the right (or wrong) buttons...friendships can be very intense and volatile at that age . Personally, I wouldn't be giving the moods and tiredness too much obvious attention as I don't think that helps. I'd calmly get on with things as normal, not making a fuss and quietly watching what's happening.

Also at 10, they're aware of moving on to secondary school, and can start stressing about that, especially if the class are going to split and go to various schools. Brownies, Scouts or something like a dance class can help with that, as those groups are likely to remain even if the children move on to different schools.

Lunar_Eclipse

So, she's in year 5? That was my nightmare year with both my girls, now 16 and 14, who are both delightful. It was years before periods and boobs for either of them.

It will pass, but it will also pay to remain as calm and available as you can, feed them well and avoid letting them get ridiculously over tired (DD2 had serious sleep issues during this time - not upset at bedtime, but literally being unable to sleep. No idea what it was about.)

Don't sweat the small stuff and just take each day as it comes. And whilst it's important to honour commitments, also remember that nothing is actually important at this age in terms of school, homework, clubs etc.

vandanfc

Would a book help her, maybe this one:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Whats-Happening-Girls-Edition-Facts/dp/0746069952/ref=pd_cp_14_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=0XGW6YJFRNJ60B9VY1HY

zoesmummy_2006

Lol Pigpen its 25 years since I was 10, the only thing I remember from being her age is my first crush and how embarrassing it was when my dad found out lol-fortunately for me she's still thinking boys are stinky!! But cuddles and chocolate seem to help!!

Overtired may be a major contributing factor, when they stayed with their dad last week he was letting them stay up rediculously late and fall asleep on the sofa together all night, she came home exhausted which seems to have made getting back into routine of sleeping combined with getting up for school harder, I have had words with her dad about this and he's agreed to make sure they go to bed at a reasonable time from now on.

As for the friendship thing, my god I give up on that I honestly cant keep track of who's fallen out with who from one day to the next, theyre fighting one day and bffs again the next!!

Im going to have a look at a little book to give her to read and then chat about, hopefully she'll believe that cos she doesnt me when I tell her its completely normal....I have pmt right now and cried at jurassic world when then raptors saved them at the end last night lol!!!

Octobergirl

No advice, but I'm with you in spirit. My 10 year old is continually 'sad', cries at the drop of a hat, and seems to enjoy finding things to be anxious about. Me dying, yr 6 SATs, Yr 6 residential, high school, why Peter Pan's mother left him.......

We've had to ban her time on the iPad after 6pm, as she ends up weepy and hysterical, Susan Boyle singing 'Away in a Manger' is setting her off this week. It's All so random ......I'm an emotional wreck.

cte1111

I'd try to avoid saying that feeling emotional is part of growing up, as it puts this natural and unavoidable process in a negative light. I know it is probably true, that the root of her up and down behaviour is hormones, but best to just try to deal with how she is feeling and help her to feel better.

My daughter was very moody and teenagery at this age too. I just tried to make sure she had plenty of love and affection. It would be best to talk to your daughter about periods, as she could well start her cycle soon, it's happening earlier for girls now. A book can really help with this, as well as reassurance that it's not too big a deal and that you are always happy to talk to her about anything.

If it's any help, my daughter is now 13 and the teenage years have started much more calmly than we expected. I think hopefully she got some of it out of her system early on. A bedtime routine can help but it sounds like you've already got a good routine. I did sometimes let my daughter have a paracetamol if she says something hurts, this seemed to be almost a magic cure, although not to be done very often. I checked with the GP that this was OK first.

masterlumps

Are you absolutely sure that's what is causing it? There could be an underlying reason for her upset

pigpen

cte1111 wrote: »

I'd try to avoid saying that feeling emotional is part of growing up, as it puts this natural and unavoidable process in a negative light.

Surely saying everyone feels this way and it is ok to express your emotions it is all perfectly normal, is better than making her feel like it is only her feeling these things and she is a freak!? Entering puberty feeling at odds with yourself is not a healthy progression. Besides, it is in all the books that this is how it goes.. in my experience the boys were worse with the crying over nothing than the girls!

It's not negative any more than phyical changes are, it is becoming a grown up.. that is an amazing process not something to shy away from.

I'm pretty sure over the next 70 years she will be told often enough it is her hormones making her behave certain ways and everyone else is exactly the same!

So says the crazy hormonal ragey lady!! hahaha.

DomRavioli

OP, there's literally zero information in your post that leads anyone to think its a puberty issue. Have you spoken to her teacher to see if there is any issues in school?

Go to the GP, they will need to rule out MH issues, bullying, physical health issues before they even go down that road. Sounds like you need your mind putting at rest.

She sounds like a typical 10 year old to me, maybe a little distressed sometimes but having ran a youth club for the last 6 years, I can tell you that being moody, teary, and downright obnoxious is normal for most 10 year olds.