How do you convince someone to do a DMP?

MonicaGeller

Oh I agree. We'll run our of credit eventually but at that point it could be mean bankruptcy which will mean losing the house.
I've shown him a few threads during the past couple of years yes but he's still not (obviously) convinced.

The emergency situation does seem to be the big stumbling block. I've mentioned the emergency fund several times but that's not swaying it either. We even went through doing a National Debtline form last yr to see how things stacked up. But that's nothing really, as we went through doing the same thing with Stepchange a few yrs ago and nothing came of that either.
Not a lot else I can do if he won't commit. I guess I need to vent somewhere.

sourcrates

Oh the credit will run out, trust me, your story echoes mine eerily !!

One day all our wages had gone for the month, we had no available credit left, and none of our bills had been paid, it's quiet an eyeopener I can tell you !!

The biggest "come down to earth with a bang" moment I've ever had.

At that point, I had no choice, and I mean, no choice, but to default on £57,000 of unsecured debt, and I handled it terribly, as I didn't have a clue what I was doing at the time.

I soon educated myself though, this forum helped me wise up, and I dealt with it.
Sorry to say but I fear your heading in the same direction !!

Scottishmummy

I think to wait until there is no other option but bankruptcy and everything that entails is foolish (and it's never the only option ) but until your husband is on board there is not much you can do other than keep on at him. I think someone else mentioned looking at how much debt you had this time last year and how much you have now. How much has it increased by in that year? Then work out how long that new credit card will last if you carry on spending in the same way, remember too by how much even the minimum payment will also increase. Maybe if you can show him that you only have 3, 5, 8 or whatever months of credit left he might finally get his light bulb moment. Otherwise keep ranting away here.

Maximum_Saving

Hello Monica. There are some people on her which have high mortgages and these get paid off month by month. A DMP wouldn't be easy though it would give you a peace of mind. Try to get you and your man along to a free debt management firm. Let them talk to your man about possibly getting a DMP. A heavy sort of careful budgeting idea could work. You could plan for a camping holiday to make costs low. Good luck.

andyfromotley

Hi Monica,

have you just beome bit like that room that needs redecorating?? He's just used to hearing you mumble on about debt?

Is it worth trying to put some time aside, perhaps in a nuetral venue and spell out exactly each of your fears to him. Explain how anxious you are about things and how you cannit and willnot carry on with the situation. Point out in a gentle manner that him doing the finances rather than you has not resolved it and for you this situation is no longer tolerable.

He may still choose to do nothing in which case you are snookered but at least you will have left him in no doubt about your exact feelings on this matter.

Finally the problem i see going forward is that you will become increasingly resentful of his lassiez faire attitude and that may cause wider problems for your relationship.

MonicaGeller

Scottishmummy wrote: »

I think to wait until there is no other option but bankruptcy and everything that entails is foolish (and it's never the only option ) but until your husband is on board there is not much you can do other than keep on at him. I think someone else mentioned looking at how much debt you had this time last year and how much you have now. How much has it increased by in that year? Then work out how long that new credit card will last if you carry on spending in the same way, remember too by how much even the minimum payment will also increase. Maybe if you can show him that you only have 3, 5, 8 or whatever months of credit left he might finally get his light bulb moment. Otherwise keep ranting away here.

We're definitely going to sit down at the end of the week before the wages go in the bank to go through the bills etc. I will ask us to go through what debt we had last yr and compare. He has spreadsheets and we are snowballing, trying to pay the highest APR's first. It has gone down - slightly. But not enough for my liking. We have a 0% credit card that we've transferred some of the most stubborn debt to.
All I can do is keep trying!

MonicaGeller

andyfromotley wrote: »

Hi Monica,

have you just beome bit like that room that needs redecorating?? He's just used to hearing you mumble on about debt?

Is it worth trying to put some time aside, perhaps in a nuetral venue and spell out exactly each of your fears to him. Explain how anxious you are about things and how you cannit and willnot carry on with the situation. Point out in a gentle manner that him doing the finances rather than you has not resolved it and for you this situation is no longer tolerable.

He may still choose to do nothing in which case you are snookered but at least you will have left him in no doubt about your exact feelings on this matter.

Finally the problem i see going forward is that you will become increasingly resentful of his lassiez faire attitude and that may cause wider problems for your relationship.

Your first comment is a good one. Probably. It's just noise and he thinks I'm not serious maybe.

Don't get me wrong, he's one of the good guys and he works hard, has had to find job after job when made redundant for various reasons (last in, first out - company closing - nothing he's done just bad luck). We've both built up the debt and we both need to deal with it rather than wait for us to implode.

I'm just getting more worried that's it's not going down enough to matter. He's proud it's going down and that's good, but by £200 a month? That's not even a dent on what we owe.
Maybe something drastic like credit drying up has to happen. I hope not, but at least we'd HAVE to do something.

MonicaGeller

Maximum_Saving wrote: »

Hello Monica. There are some people on her which have high mortgages and these get paid off month by month. A DMP wouldn't be easy though it would give you a peace of mind. Try to get you and your man along to a free debt management firm. Let them talk to your man about possibly getting a DMP. A heavy sort of careful budgeting idea could work. You could plan for a camping holiday to make costs low. Good luck.

I think that's what I am confident about. A DMP will be hard, for all of us, but it will give us a final date when we can be debt free rather than just walking through quick sand waiting to sink.

I need to keep plodding along, trying to budget as best we can but also nipping away (in the nicest possible way) about a DMP.

MonicaGeller

Thank you for all your comments. I am reading them all, digesting and will try to keep going & hoping he will come on-board at some point.

gettingtheresometime

Your oh is sticking his head in the sand hoping that the situation will somehow sort itself out....but I've got news for him it won't and it has the potential to get a whole lot worse....he's already had periods of unemployment what if one of you was sick and only received ssp?

If he's not checking the finances but only doing it when you ask, he's not looking after the finances. You sound as if you've had your lightbulb moment but your oh is yet to have his. Take charge of the finances again as a first step.

I think you need to present him with a plan of action...so what I would do is gather all the information about your debts, is who you owe what to then speak to one of the debt charities about the best way forward...get the information off them in writing and then sit him down with the all the facts figures and the plan for the way forward.

Better to deal with things while you have a choice on the way forward than be told there's one option open to you.