How do you convince someone to do a DMP?

MonicaGeller

OH is reluctant to go down the DMP route but to me it's the only way we'll ever be debt free.

We have about 45K worth of credit card debt and as much as we try we can't bring it down and only make minimum payments on quite a few of the cards.

I say we need a DMP and know it will be hell on wheels but he won't get behind the idea. We're early 40's and I really want us to do something now before it gets too late. Eldest is going to Uni in Sept so will be moving out for most of the yr and looking after himself (hopefully) and youngest is going to College so could possibly get a part time job to have some spare cash for themselves.

We have an 80K mortgage which is very manageable and stable. But we're paying nearly £1000 a month on debt and that's depressing me. I just want to see some positive action and at the moment we're just treading water. With a DMP we'd see light at the end of the tunnel but at the moment there is no light.

OH is worried about not so much our credit file as we've learnt our lesson there (just can't pay it off with all the interest and then emergencies we need the CC's) but the day to day stuff. What if we have an emergency? What if we need a break/holiday? (not essential I know but it would be nice to take a week's hol somewhere to unwind & relax, we don't do expensive hols, £1500 for a week to Europe once a yr is normally what we do and pay cash all the time we're there).

I suppose I read the forums, see the positives, speak to OH and he puts doubt in my head so I back down. Don''t get me wrong he knows it's serious and we need to do something but he's convinced we can do this ourselves. For yrs he's been saying that though. How do you convince someone a DMP is for the best? I know it won't be easy. But the way we are now is no life and it comes to something that you think you're worth more dead than alive.

foolofbeans

Your situation sounds similar to mine. We also pay almost £1000 a month in debt repayments and are considering a DMP. I am more with your husband though as I would have preferred to budget and pay things off slowly. Unfortunately OH's spending means we are now further into debt and we just can't afford the minimum payments. A DMP will impact your credit file and could cause issues if you have to change your mortgage rate.
I would suggest completing a Statement of Affairs (SOA) so you can see clearly where your money is going and how bad it is. The very knowledgeable and helpful people on here can then offer advice on where you can cut costs or whether a DMP may be the best option.
I would say that if you want to stop using your credit cards but get caught in the cycle then you need to cut them up. Not having a holiday for one year would give you a good emergency fund of £1500 and may help to ease the worry.
Debt worries can make you feel low but please know that you are not alone and there is always a solution.

sourcrates

Hi,


Your story is somewhat common, a lot of partners, husbands, wife's, don't see the problems mounting up, and tend to say,


"ah there's plenty of time to sort that out".


But unless you actually do tackle it, you will never be rid of it.


The first thing is to admit to yourselves you need help, but both of you need to be onboard for this to work, you may be able to tackle this by cutting down your spending elsewhere, and contacting your creditors, asking them to reduce or freeze interest.


Theirs lots of proactive things you can do to help yourselves here, but just plodding on regardless knowing your situation is unlikely to improve is just pointless really !!

MonicaGeller

Thanks for the replies.
foolofbeans & sourcrates - it's a tough life to lead for sure. And we know we're totally to blame. It's our own fault. Doesn't help that OH has been made redundant more than I can count on one hand (business goes under, or cut back & OH was last in first out). That's played a small part as we had to turn elsewhere for money. We have made sure we now have insurance in place, which might seem like a luxury but we've been through hell several times in the past and this gives us peace of mind should anything happen again.
Yes the credit file is a sticking point but we're not planning to change mortgage for a long time (ever!) as we have about 12 yrs to run and it's a good deal. We've done the SOA ourselves and I've spent time reading these forums and seeing ways to cut back, which we have and has helped us keep treading water rather than sink!
We're not having a hol this yr as we really can't swing it. Makes sense. Luckily family are helping with eldest going to Uni so we don't need to do much there.
Sourcrates - you mention contacting creditors asking them to reduce/freeze interest. Is that really possible without impacting credit files? Over the years we've had accounts closed (still paying off the balances) as we've refused credit limit increases etc... We have 8/9 cards, only use 1 for emergencies and have just managed to get one with interest free credit for 2 yrs to replace one (not add one if you see what I mean).
I agree plodding isn't working. I will try to get OH to sit down this weekend so we can get something sorted. We could open a 123 account and get cashback on some bills (not much but every little helps) while also being able to separate the cash into 'must pay' and 'cc' accounts. That way we can stick to a budget. I think we know what needs to be done we're just in a rut and need a kick up the backside.
Doesn't help that no one in our family knows about this. It's between me, OH and the kids. Sadly (or luckily?) they are learning how credit can ruin lives and eldest has already said he won't be making the same mistakes we have. It's our little secret and that really screws with you after a while.

blisteringblue

Was is your position 2 years ago but with 60K owing on the cards and 100k on mortgage. Yes we had a good lifestyle with combined income around the 65K mark we just about managed but it was still creeping upwards.

OH decided on a complete change of direction and went back to uni, losing a salary !! That was the catalyst forcing us into the DMP.

Best thing we ever did. Will be 2 years next month and over 1/3 gone already. You learn to cope, we now simply budget for everything and even managed a holiday to Spain last year. Plan is to step it up now and hope to all be done late 2018.

A DMP isn't all value beans on toast, you can work a good budget to live off. The key is it changes your attitude to money, this at the end of the day is the biggest challenge.

sourcrates

To be honest, your credit file should be the least of your concerns right now.
45k is a lot of money, and it's not called the "never, never" for nothing is it, most people never give a thought to actually repaying the full lot, they just think about the monthly payment, not realising that time is ticking away, and one day that clock will run out, so you could find yourselves on the brink of retirement, with only a modest pension, and £45,000 still to repay !!
Not a good place to be I think you'll agree, you still have time to sort this, don't waste the opportunity !!

MonicaGeller

BlisteringBlue - that's impressive, well done and congrats. And one of the many positives I was talking about. I think we'd do really well on a DMP and it would keep us on the straight and narrow.

Sourcrates - Oh I know. We both do. I suppose it's the unknown that's scary and possibly putting him off (and me when push comes to shove). And the ticking clock is what's making me more and more concerned that we will never get it sorted. I don't want to be mid 50's treading water.

Does anyone think a time limit is a good idea? Say we give ourselves 6 months so see improvement and if not we then go DMP or just do DMP now and bite the bullet? Does giving time ever work?

MonicaGeller

The 'value beans on toast' side that Blistering Blue mentioned isn't a concern of ours as such. We have no problem with that side of things. OH is more concerned with emergencies so to speak. How do you handle that? If things need fixing and your emergency fund won't cover it? We had a small fund built up and then something happened (beyond our control, thieving buggars!) that saw that fund disappear. How do you handle that?

sourcrates

MonicaGeller wrote: »

The 'value beans on toast' side that Blistering Blue mentioned isn't a concern of ours as such. We have no problem with that side of things. OH is more concerned with emergencies so to speak. How do you handle that? If things need fixing and your emergency fund won't cover it? We had a small fund built up and then something happened (beyond our control, thieving buggars!) that saw that fund disappear. How do you handle that?

In that situation debts would have to wait, it's that simple.

Of course you try to budget for eventualities, if push came to shove, unsecured debts are the last thing you would pay, they are regarded as the lowest priority, even by lenders.

blisteringblue

Does your husband at least recognize there is a problem, and does at least want to pay things back?

You could do some sums around a Snowball which can make inroads into debt. http://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx

That is always a good comparison when discussing starting a DMP.

You can also try the debt remedy tool with Step Change without telling your husband, you are not committing to anything, but it gives you a idea of what to expect from the DMP. http://www.stepchange.org/Debtremedy.aspx

Ignore credit ratings, what people think, etc etc you really have to start this now, in 12 months you will probably be anther few K in debt.

blisteringblue

MonicaGeller wrote: »

The 'value beans on toast' side that Blistering Blue mentioned isn't a concern of ours as such. We have no problem with that side of things. OH is more concerned with emergencies so to speak. How do you handle that? If things need fixing and your emergency fund won't cover it? We had a small fund built up and then something happened (beyond our control, thieving buggars!) that saw that fund disappear. How do you handle that?

Just had that very thing happen this month, it is easy to pay less to the debts at this point too. I've dropped my payments by 75% this month but it is a one off. Most won't even bat an eyelid.

Some people at the start of the DMP process pay token £1 payments for a few months, they then save up an emergency fund which is always advisable.

The DMP Support Thread is the place to be for all your answers