Ghgghhgggg

moneycantbuyyouhappiness

Hi Vikki

I can completely sympathise with your situation, whether some people on here like it or not we are in the most materialistic generation ever and it is so easy to get sucked in. This isn't just about changing your spending habits its about changing your whole attitude. I used to see someone in a nice car, a BMW or Merc for example and feel envious, now I just look at them and think there's a 70% chance it is on credit. If it's not on credit surely you could have found something more worthwhile to spend 30k on, but that's just me.

I had real issues trying to keep up with the Jones's. At the end of the day no matter how much you earn if you are having to use credit for the things you want. You can't afford them. Its as simple as that. I had (and still have) nice things but I am poor in so many other ways. I haven't managed to buy a house yet which is putting our lives on hold who knows what repercussions that may have to starting a family etc. I am only 25 but still. If you can honestly sit in your rocking chair and one of the things you will look back on with a smile is your hubby's private reg then go for it. If not, is it really worth it?

The lovely things I bought on credit now make me feel a bit ill to look at them. The new handbag I really wanted and bought has completely lost its appeal now I'm having to really cut back to pay it of the CC.

You really need to read the book by To Buy or Not to Buy by April Lane Benson. Its the best £10 I have ever spent to be honest. I have become one of the people who isn't so obsessed with material things anymore. Start a diary it really helps to be accountable. Write down your goals. Get hubby on board.

Best of luck!

midnitegremlin

moneycantbuyyouhappiness wrote: »

Start a diary it really helps to be accountable.

That's a good suggestion, it's what I do with food. This sounds a little off topic, but it does relate as the OP mentioned overeating/undereating.

Write down every single thing you eat. I've known some people who are trying to diet for example, I've suggested that, and they are in responce saying "Oh but writing down everything? But I have so many drinks and snacks I couldn't possibly keep track" and I'm like...welll..... so many drinks and snacks... thats maybe where you need to cut back?

Regarding money, there could be little incisental spends that actually add up too in a similar way.

determined_new_ms

You know what I'm such an all or nothing person - albeit I think you are earning more than I was. But on Jan 1st 2010 I decided I was going to pay off £13k by the end of the year. I did go drastic - but being all or nothing I really drank the koolaid! - and I still did lots of things that year went to Turkey (all inclusive top deal) and we went away twice in the uk and went to a festival. All done as cheaply as we could and raising cash from other venues than our salary. For the month we went to Turkey we just reduced our debt payments for 1 month and set a budget.

We paid it off by October. Then all those months of being frugal really gave me the bug. We relaxed our budget a bit - I mean a fair amount in comparison to those 1st 10 months - but started saving between £600-£1000 pm.

Then our lives changed drastically in June 2014 when we took on custody of our 11 month old granddaughter but we adjusted. Savings were considerably less but still trickling along.

Then in June 2015 I lost my job suddenly. But because of the changes we had made, first as a real culture shock and then over a few years became 2nd nature, ad also the savings we had, we were able to cope with me having no income for 5 months and then £600pm for the last 3 months.

You can do this if you set your mind to it and being a all or nothing person will probably work to your advantage

PasturesNew

I can offer a "how to be tight" friendship package. Pay me just £4k and I will be by your side every day for three weeks pointing out to you how ridiculous the spend you're about to make is - and how/why you don't need it.

Book now, my diary fills up quickly. Don't be the one that misses out.

nkkingston

You might be someone who benefits from the envelope method of budgeting (either literal envelopes of cash, if you're comfortable having a month's spend to hand, or separate bank accounts). Wages come in, divvy them out into separate pots - bills, mortgage, food, fun, savings, debt - and live out of those. The one rule is you can't borrow money from one envelope to pad out another. No debt money to go to the cinema. No food money to buy new windows. When you get to the end of the month, you can hold over the remaining cash for next month, add it to your debts, or have a last friday of the month blow out. If you have a thrifty month, the evidence is right there in your hands and you know precisely where you saved it from, which can be much easier to wrap your head around that a different random number on a slip of paper at the ATM.

Ilona

Oh dear Vikki, there is little that anyone can do for you unless you yourself wants to change how you organize your finances. People can give good advice but it's up to you if you take note of it and follow it up. Talking about a new this and a new that makes me think that you haven't really thought about the long term consequences of your actions. Your situation could go on for many more years with the chance that you will never be debt free. Do you really want that?

If you have a need to buy things, it could be a substitution for something else that's missing in your life. There is help out there for addicts of every kind.

Best of luck.
Ilona
PS sourcrates has a lot of good old fashioned common sense.

ReadingTim

It's all about self control and self discipline, but it needs to be taught and learned, in the same way a parent might have to teach a toddler that it's not OK to run around naked all day eating sweets, as much as the 2 year old wants to do that. Me, I like swearing, but I've learned that it's not OK to yell "YOU'RE A C*NT!!!" at anyone I mildly disagree with, much as I'd like to. It's the same with spending money - sometimes you just can't do it, much as you'd like to.

It's also about priorities: I like cars and I could use my money to buy a pretty nice one. If I use someone else's money as well, I could buy a very nice one.... But I also like houses, and they're more expensive than cars. So I won't buy the car now, because I want to buy a house later. Priorities, and deferred gratification, because I can't live in my car.

So what do you want from your life and how could you achieve that if you didn't have debt to repay? Is a private number plate the pinnacle of your life's achievement? Or maybe helping your children go to university without graduating with crippling debts, or helping your grandchildren with a deposit for their first house? Nah - it's a new garden fence...

Jagraf

sourcrates wrote: »

Sorry if it sounded harsh, but I tend to tell it like I see it.

You have posted about wanting to rein in your spending, then in the next sentence your visualising spending thousands of pounds more on credit.
I don't know your financial situation, but you obviously think you need help here, if you keep over spending to the tune of 7k all the time, you will, eventually end up in a situation where you can't repay it.

All I can say is self control is the key, otherwise you'll wake up one morning 100k in debt and wonder how the hell you got there.

It seems your starting to worry about your lack of control where spending is concerned, but you have not yet had your LBM, until you do reach that point, you won't appreciate advice given to you, most of us have been where you are now, and know we're it eventually leads !!

You are so right. And that person was me. I never saw credit as something that wasn't mine - so I overspent in my twenties. In my thirties I divorced, and ended up with that massive amount you mentioned in debt (I can't say it - add interest onto that and its the cost of a big house in the south).

In my forties I'm remarried, happy, and repaid all of the debt. Spending doesn't make me happy, it reminds me of what I used to be.

[Deleted User]

think this is a bit of a p@ss take...problems with your BMW, don't know whether to buy your husband a personalized number plate..life must be hell

midnitegremlin

Deleted User wrote: »

think this is a bit of a p@ss take...problems with your BMW, don't know whether to buy your husband a personalized number plate..life must be hell

Uncalled for. She is having problems with debt, and has asked for advice, which is exactly what this forum is for, no?

Also, and fair play, she is acknowledging that there are psychological factors, a "feel good" factor with spending. These can be bona fide problems, just like gambling addiction and drugs etc.