Employing Mother as Nanny / Childminder

CathA

nimdy wrote: »

Hi all. Thanks for all the help and advice. I think I've got a bit of research to do into this. As people have said, the bits that concern me are 1 - what if either of us want out of the agreement, 2 - as little one gets older will MIL cope, 3 - the legal pitfalls of childminding/nannying. It would be great if it could be a favor arrangement, but due to MIL having a small mortgage and bills to pay, it really would have to be a salaried arrangement.

How old is your MIL if you don't mind me asking? I'm 55 and have been looking after my grandson full time for the last 5 weeks. He's 2 1/2 and OMG he's a live wire! I'm in good health, can drive so don't have to walk to my daughter's but I do take him out every day in the pushchair, apart from the 2 days he's at nursery. I also have a part time job plus I help with my daughter's housework and obviously have to do my own. I can't wait til half term, a week of lie ins and not having him every day!
After half term there's another 5 weeks of my daughters placement so there is an end in sight. I'm only doing the full time grandma bit because it IS only 10 weeks, no way could I physically do it permanently. Also you forget how much babies and toddlers take over your life, you've got to fit in appointments, friends, swimming etc around them. That's easier to do when you're younger and everyone else has babies, but it comes as a bit of a culture shock when you haven't been doing it for years.
I'm not suggesting that it's not a good idea because it is but there are things perhaps you've not considered? I honestly thought that it would be a lot easier than it has been, I didn't think I would be so tired. What if your MIL decides it's too much? What if she has health issues and needs a series of hospital appointments?
Perhaps one solution is a bit of mix and match, MIL has her some of the time and she goes to nursery/child minder for the rest of the time. That way the baby doesn't get used to just one person and you have a plan b in place. Your Mil gets some time to herself, baby gets used to going to different people.

DevilsAdvocate1

nimdy wrote: »

Thanks for the quick reply. I didn't realise child minders were treated differently. I'll have to research what qualifications she'd need in order to be above board.

Did your friends find the arrangement worked for them?

Unfortunately we don't qualify for tax credits (I don't earn a huge amount, but gov consider it too much to be worthy of support).

You don't need any qualifications. When I registered, they encouraged you to do a course and the grandmothers I became friend's with did this. Think it was an NVQ level 2 qualification. We also had to do a first aid course - this was mandatory. Think we all managed to do this before our initial inspection.

The grandmothers were told to keep quiet about the fact that they were not intending to take other children on. One did end up taking some others on, but the others didn't.

But to get tax credits or to use any other tax scheme, the childcare provider has to be registered.

pleasedelete

A nanny isn't a £15k a year job. You don't say where you are -London much more but even in north more than that. Nannies are usually paid net- so that is the benchmark when you see a salary advertised- it is the take home.

They also do long hours - so bank on 50 to cover a working week plus travel for parents. Even mnimum wage (and they are not) that is above £15k

Children are a joint responsibility as is their care. You cant look at it compared to your wife's salary. It is a joint cost- you need to look at both salaries as you will both contribute towards it

When I had my 2nd child the childcare costs were MORE than my take home salary but it was a joint undertaking. It has more than paid off in my earnings over the years which are much higher than they would have been if I had not returned to work immediately

I would not employ a relative. You can have either a nanny or a nanny/housekeeper. If you go for the latter do you really want you MIL washing your undies? Cleaning your loo? In your house 50 hour a week?

A nanny is childcare in your own home. A childminder is childcare in their home.

Pepperoni

Could you not just gift some funds to the Grandmother, rather than go through registering as a childminder etc? Many people have their children looked after by Grandparents and just give them a gift of money / or nice lunches out, weekends away, etc! Depends what Grandmother is willing to do?

Aside from that - we have our 18 month old child looked after by Grandparents and have done since they were 9 months. It's worked well, the Grandparents and our child have a wonderful bond that's lovely to see. It's allowed me to be flexible with work where needed too.

On the other hand, we are looking into nursery for some of the time now as think it's time for the next step - now they're older it's MUCH harder work for our parents. Also we feel it's good for them to be mixing with people that are not immediate family and believe that children can learn a lot from nursery and the like.

Grandparents also like to give their little darlings everything they want which is nice, but they soon come to an age when they start expecting that from everyone and everything, etc!

ETA - We have been laid back, we have tried to not dictate to them what they should and shouldn't be doing etc. Our only 'advice' was regarding the routine we established with sleep. At the end of the day grandparents don't want to be the 'parent' (in my experience) and tell their grandchild off etc, so I'd never ask them to discipline more than they wanted too etc. We had the childcare for free though so really don't think we would of had any right to say anything about how they then conducted that childcare.

haras_nosirrah

If you do this be very very careful

A friend of mine had her mother in law looking after her daughter from about 6 months to about 18 months old while she went back to work

Worked ok to start with until certain behaviours started creeping in the parents didn't like. Then when little girl was upset she started turning to her nanny for comfort rather than mummy. Then one time when daughter was doing something undesirable nanny muttered the phrase 'well we are her primary carers'

Mum went ballistic and their relationship was fractured and still is difficult two years later

Is there any option for maybe a couple of days a week with grandma and some time at nursery too? My son did one day with one grandparent, one day with the other grandparent, one day with daddy and one day at nursery. Is something like that an option?