Recovering from bullying

rover2000

Hello. Basically I was bullied in my previous job. It's knocked my confidence and is causing problems in my new job.
I want to do well. I had an appraisal today and was told I should speak up.more and not bottle up problems.
I have been trying hard but I feel I can be ignored.
I find it hard to approach people about my concerns.
I am more than capable of doing this job and, given sufficient training, I will prove it.

Can anyone suggest anything that might help? Some sort of counseling or therapy?
I need to move on.

meritaten

suggesting counselling or therapy is difficult as I don't know who or what is available in your area.
but, it sounds to me as if your bosses feel you should be more 'Assertive'. so I would look for course on Assertiveness Training.
you have first hand knowledge of 'bullying tactics' so would be ideally placed to know just how far to take assertiveness. there is a fine line there which can be crossed.
but for someone with little self confidence it can be very helpful. btw - ask your company if they would be prepared to pay for this course as part of your 'career progressment'. They should take this as 'you prepared to speak up'!

pendragon_arther

As above and also self-help books help too.

BigAunty

Hypnotherapy?

Goldiegirl

I was bullied by a manager I had for a couple of years in a previous job.

Prior to that, I'd always had excellent working relationships with managers, and I'd always been able to speak up and be assertive when needed.

But being bullied had a major effect on me, and when I started my new job I struggled at first with my relationship with my managers - I was convinced I was going to be bullied again.

In the end, I came clean with them, and told them about my previous experiences - which helped them to understand why I was behaving like I was.

I was lucky to have a very supportive line manager - and she helped me overcome these problems, and made me feel I could trust management again.

But it took about 2 years to feel fully recovered.

I'd suggest speaking to your manager - you might be surprised at how much they can help.

Best wishes to you

Lostinthenorth

I had a bullying boss that I put up with for two years before walking out (to give some perspective, this person had gone through 24 staff in two years, one walking out after only an hour).

I eventually had counselling as I was badly affected by it - in my subsequent job I would physically shake if I had to consult my boss, and I found that I was being very passive-agressive instead of assertive, which I was before all this happened.

The thing to remember is that you have done well by merely finding another job away from the bully. Were there any consequences for the bully? I took mine to tribunal and won (the firm settled out of court before the tribunal). I found this to be enormously helpful in my recovery, as I felt vindicated. Unfortunately my bully did not face consequences at work as a direct result of that, but I felt immense schadenfreude when they were eventually sacked on the grounds of gross misconduct less than a year later!

There are also some good self-help books out there - Bully In Sight and Bullying At Work were ones I found helpful.

Best of luck to you, and remember, you've made a huge step in getting away from that situation, and should congratulate yourself on that.