How to Say NO to friends?

LouiseJ

Hello Everyone,

We are really focusing as a family on paying of our now shrinking CCs and would like to reduce our mortgage term also. Our problem is this, we have some V good friends who are always suggesting Nights out, take aways, drinks together, days out with the children (usually consisting of lunch and cinema/bowling etc).

We really love spending time with our friends but we are finding it difficult to keep up with the spending and would really like to save our money for our CC payments, savings or mortgage.

How do we handle this without offending them? We have tried to say that we are trying to cut back but it is always met with "it wont cost much" or similar response.

Any ideas would be appreciated.

P.S they have just come into quite a sum of money from a relative & we fear it is going to get worse if we dont say something now.

Uniscots97

Tell them you are saving for the kids future and won't be swayed on that as well as teaching them the value of money by showing them that you don't have to spend money to have a good time (days out at the park) and that you want nights out to the cinema to remain a treat not become the norm. Why not suggest to them they join you on a day out say to the park with a picnic. They'll probably soon see just how much fun you can have for not a lot of money.

stressed.mum

Hi LouiseJ

Could you try to meet in the middle? Maybe take it in turns to suggest the outing?

If they want to go to the cinema could you do a saturday morning kids film - most cinema's do these for a pound, then follow it with a picnic lunch.
Or do it on a orange wednesday?

Could you have movie nights at home free trial through quidco, home made pizza, when it is at your house then they could rent movie and get take away if they want to.

Look out for cheap or free places to visit in your local area

HTH

stressed

Squirrel29

I can sympathise, part of the reason I am in the mess I am now is because of a "friend". I took out a car on finance and could easily pay, however I decided it was a bad APR so got a loan off my bank to pay the original loan. I put it in my bank account. However, my friend had just sold her house and gone into renting, she therefore had equity to spend. She was always nagging me to go on nights out in town, concerts, weekends away and foolishly I actually spent the money, therefore now have two car loans.

I know I can't entirely blame it on my friend, I should have paid the original loan off immediately but for a while it felt good that I could go to the cashpoint and not have the dreaded "insufficient funds" message, For about 6 months of reckless spending to keep up with someone, I am now having to spend the next 3 years paying it all back and great hardship.

I still see this friend but am strong enough to say no to going out too much, it is really hard though but if they are true friends they will understand.

Could you suggest they come round for a home cooked meal instead, or just sit in the garden with a glass of wine if the weather nice?

Badger_Lady

If they're good friends, they'll understand when you explain things honestly, and they'll enjoy meeting you for dinner and a bottle of wine at home etc. I'm lucky to have a group of 7 of us that always rotate to one anothers' houses and have a blinding time!

However, not everyone understands - I recently went for a holiday with my very good friend (who's a single Mum so I assumed we'd be on similar budgets), but she got very frustrated with my moneysaving and wanted to splash out on expensive restaurants... we almost fell out over it, even though I was willing to go to the restaurant and just drink water :-(

I'd tell them what you're trying to do, but not say outright "you have to stop inviting us..." - just say "we've decided to do all these things, and we're going to cut back on spending" - then jump in there first and invite them for MSE nights out (or in!). There's plenty you can still do as friends :-)

LouiseJ

Thanks everyone, we are really finding it difficult sometimes to come up with excuses to say no to these expensive outings.

We all have teenage boys so the trips to the park with picnic would be frowned upon by them but I love the idea of having cinema nights in, they could have popcorn etc and close the curtains & no girls around for us to worry about!
Think we might start singing the praises of this site to our friends as we are sure they could be spending alot less they told us their last Asda shop came to £165 for a WEEK!!!

We will let you know how it goes as will be seeing them later today.

stressed.mum

My kids are 14 (boy) 12,11 & 7 (girls) they all still love picnic's in the park, maybe cos I will only do one money spending thing a week in the holidays!!

Do they like football, rounders, skate boarding etc? that is what we normally do on our picnic days We will meet up with friends and have a adults v kids or boys v girls rounders match, kids are v competative and we can waste hours!

mrsspendalot

I found the best way to get round it was to start being honest and saying I couldn't afford to, something which before I would have been too embarassed to say. I found though that admitting I couldn't afford it and that I had some debts that I was trying to clear made my friends more honest and we all now will openly say that we can't afford something. Now we all know of each others situation we try and think of cheaper (or free) things to do with the kids and then there is no need to try and keep up.

Idiophreak

I never have a problem telling my friends if I can't afford to do something...you say "sorry, I can't afford it" and that's the end of it.

The only problem is making sure you still spend time with them - try suggesting other things, movie and a pizza at home, walk/cycle in the country, etc etc.

mountainofdebt

Be honest with them.....tell them you've made a conscious decision to cut back so that you can pay off your mortgage asap.

LouiseJ

Idiophreak wrote: »

I never have a problem telling my friends if I can't afford to do something...you say "sorry, I can't afford it" and that's the end of it.

The only problem is making sure you still spend time with them - try suggesting other things, movie and a pizza at home, walk/cycle in the country, etc etc.

My OH really has a problem with me saying we cant afford things to friends/family as he feels that we sound like we are crying poverty & as we are earning quite a reasonable income he feels like it wont wash with them or makes them wonder if we are in massive debt problems! He is a very private man.

The issue is that we have made a decision to save more & pay off our mortgage early and clear or CCs by Xmas.


I like the idea of movie at home & other money saving activities. Please keep them coming.