MoneySaving Poll: Is it acceptable to ask for wedding cash instead of gifts?

lazer

It's rude to ask for any gift.


If people want to get you a wedding gift, so be it, they can get you what they like.


We didn't ask for anything, some people asked our parents what we would like, and some bought what they liked, and some gave cash.


I loved the surprise when opening presents, and love using the wedding presents.


Yes, some are in the attic, but they will be used eventually. And I we didn't get any toasters - which was actually disappointing when my old toaster broke a few months ago.

elivercury

Definitely a rehashed subject, but one very applicable to myself (and no doubt many others). I’m getting married in a few weeks and, as stated by others, since we had lived independently for several years before meeting each other, we owned two of just about everything you need for a home when we moved in together. We have actually spent the past few years offloading the spares to friend/family who might use them, although still have boatloads of excess bedding etc.

As such, we’re not opting for any sort of gift registry. Instead we have stated that the true gift they can give us is their presence at our wedding to share out special day, but if they are wanting to give a gift, then the best thing they can do is contribute cash towards our future lives together – providing an account and we will also be providing a basket for cards etc. on the day.

Personally I feel the best way to approach the matter and is far more honest than setting up any of these “deals” with third parties to give you the cash value of your guest list/honeymoon fund. Cash is king as they say and will ultimately be far more useful to us than credit with a travel agent, a fancy tea set or anything else.

I feel the whole desire for a “purpose” for the money is a bit presumptuous on the part of the guest. Will you contribute more if it’s for a mortgage, rather than a honeymoon? What if they just need the money to pay for their shopping after spending all that money on a wedding – or clearing the cards they maxed out? In much the same way that the couple can use the fondue set daily, or put it in the attic, that is their business. Once you’ve given a gift it is theirs to do with as they please and if you dislike that then the simple solution is not to give a gift.
Ultimately I think any wedding couple would be happier with you doing what you’re comfortable with than forcing yourself to do something you’re not – even if it does mean that they’re “down” £50.

Sorry for the long rambling response!

TBagpuss

Asking for gifts, unless you have been specifically asked for suggestions, is not a polite thing to do, and asking for money is almost always rude.

However, if I am going to a wedding it is because I like the couple (or at least one of them!) so even though they have been gauche in asking for cash, I wouldn't deliberately give them something else to 'punish' them or 'because asking for money is rude' . (If I get an invitation but don't plan to go because I don't feel close to the couple then I wouldn't send a gift either, so the issue would not arise)

If someone I knew well was getting married and talked about it before they sent out their invitations then I might let them know that it is considered rude to ask for money, but only if I knew them really well and was on terms with them that meant I would be comfortable raising the issue, and that they would be OK with it being brought up.

I do also think it is a 'know your audience' thing - if it is the norm in your families / circle of friends for couples to ask for money then it is probably not going to be seen as rude of you do it, as well.

It's true that people do get married later and don't need help setting up home the way they used to in the past - which is really an argument for moving away from the tradition of gifts at weddings, not for giving cash rather than goods.

elivercury

To be honest, I think a lot of the social etiquette and tip-toeing around wedding gifts is rather outdated. As you have stated, asking for gifts/suggesting your gifting preferences is considered presumptuous and rude by the hosts. You've also strongly implied that you wouldn't attend a wedding of anyone you liked without giving them a gift (even if their choice is distasteful).

So what we have is that the majority of guests are ultimately going to buy a gift out of friendship, social obligation or both, and a couple with a preference for what form their gift is - be it a register, honeymoon, cash or other. Seems to be that it's simplest just to tell them upfront what your preference is and whether they choose to get you anything or not is down to their discretion.

I also imagine that if you're one of the attendees not planning on giving a gift then, ironically, you're probably the person least bothered by any request or suggestion of preference.

Of course I accept that I'm clearly biased in this regard, with my existing behaviour outlined above!

ScotinLondon

When anyone in my family got married, including me, we asked for JL vouchers or cash.

But this is an acceptable practice in my culture and also within my own family.

We already had a home set up, and therefore were able to use the vouchers/cash towards what we wanted.

lisa110rry

Giving cash is also an accepted action in our daughter-in-law's culture and we went out of the way to obtain the correct little red glossy envelopes when any close friends wanted to give them a little something. Mind you, our own gift was made by bank transfer.

XRAT

The moral to this survey seems to be, invite old people to your wedding.
They give cash!

phillw

TBagpuss wrote: »

Asking for gifts, unless you have been specifically asked for suggestions, is not a polite thing to do, and asking for money is almost always rude.

I put it in the same category as funerals that ask people not buy flowers and instead donate money to charity.

However I would probably ask for anonymous donations, so that it doesn't become an issue. Asking for money as a wedding gift isn't vulgar, asking for a specific amount or judging people on how much they gave is.

Trying to crowd fund your house/education/holiday etc is vulgar and I've ignored a couple of attempts, one of which was completely ignored by everyone and one actually got funded.

l1nda83

We already lived together so asked that if people wanted to give something then to give foreign currency towards a honeymoon. We got a couple of little gifts and a bit of money in both currencies, and tried to encourage those who we knew had no money to help in wedding preparations so they wouldn't feel unable to join in.