I'd like some advice on an upcoming hen do situation please!

Maybe you've had a similar thing happen to you, or maybe you've been the organisor or hen. I'd like to hear some opinions.

I've been invited to a hen party. So far so good.
It's a mega-party. There's a stay in a hotel involved. It's going to be based on numbers and the cost is £60 with a £20 deposit up front.
(This includes hotel stay, buffet dinner and *gulp* *shudder* "show".)

Although this is quite cheap for what it pays for, I don't want to do any of the things involved :rotfl:

Additional costs:
  • tea party food + drink beforehand - £25
  • travel - around £25 + any taxis while we're there
  • drinks - who knows, especially if rounds are involved
  • other food - £10 - I'll need breakfast at least
  • presents - £20
  • fancy dress - anywhere between £10 and £40 depending on the theme

All in all, it's shaping up to be a very expensive jaunt and I want to know if I would be hated forever if I said I couldn't go.

Thoughts? Ideas? What can I do?
TIA!
Goal: Debt-free by 01.12.16
LET'S DO THIS! :D
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Replies

  • DasaDasa Forumite
    702 Posts
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Posts
    Sounds like my worst nightmare. You can be honest and politely decline, make up an excuse like already booked to do something else, or go and suck it up. As for if you will be hated, only you would know that but they'd soon get over it.
  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
    35.1K Posts
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    Aegean wrote: »
    All in all, it's shaping up to be a very expensive jaunt and I want to know if I would be hated forever if I said I couldn't go.

    I'd rather be hated than be part of such an event.
  • My worst nightmare too.

    I would think about how close I was to the bride? Will I be at the wedding? Whether I could reasonably say I couldn't afford it - would it be accepted as true or an obvious excuse?

    Are all the others hen party lovers or are there some like you who will want to be on the fringe? Will I know anyone else in the area? (will I be likely to die of embarrassement if I run into someone I know while on the do?) Can I come up with an excuse that would be true?
  • So being realistic a few hundred pound here and although it seems expensive try a stag do with a night stay as my last one cost me upwards of £500.00 and a trip abroad for another was closer to the £1500.00 mark.

    Quite cheap in comparison really.
  • AegeanAegean Forumite
    91 Posts
    Thanks all - I know the bride to be well but I don't know a lot of her friends.
    Are all the others hen party lovers or are there some like you who will want to be on the fringe? Will I know anyone else in the area? (will I be likely to die of embarrassment if I run into someone I know while on the do?) Can I come up with an excuse that would be true?

    This is my thought process exactly :rofl:
    Maybe I should just tell them I can do the tea party bit and chicken out of the main event. It's a lot of money to spend on potentially the worst night of my life.
    Goal: Debt-free by 01.12.16
    LET'S DO THIS! :D
    PAYDBX 2016 #120 £5,141.65 [STRIKE]£5,747.37 on 01.01.16[/STRIKE]
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  • 7roland87roland8 Forumite
    3.6K Posts
    Debt-free and Proud!
    Just say its not your thing and don't go. No point being there if you are hating it. Just like when I got invited to Ann Summers - just said it wasn't my sort of thing - we aren't all the same and if the bride knows you well she'll know the sort of person you are and accept it.
    Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day. -- Sally Koch
  • TimpuTimpu Forumite
    307 Posts
    Ninth Anniversary 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    Aegean wrote: »
    All in all, it's shaping up to be a very expensive jaunt and I want to know if I would be hated forever if I said I couldn't go.

    Thoughts? Ideas? What can I do?
    TIA!

    I have been in this situation and sympathise. Stumping up cash for stuff that isn't your thing and feeling you have to enjoy the process with strangers is a lot to ask.

    Hated forever? No, people have short memories and will remember you from the wedding day. Your friend the bride will perhaps remember but if you explain carefully then as a friend, they will understand surely?

    You could offer to treat the bride to something small e.g. breakfast on her hen do? That way you're still 'part' of the do without being there.
  • I've been in this exact situation back on the first hen do I ever went on. I struggled to afford it, and can't honestly say I enjoyed any of it, though it was an 'experience'. I desperately wanted to come up with an excuse not to go, but wasn't able as the bride phoned me and asked if I was free on a given date before telling me what for!

    However, it was really good to meet some of her other friends before the wedding, so that was a plus. And I was also the 'sensible' one - keeping track of bride's bag, getting her back to the hotel etc, which she really appreciated. So all in all, because she appreciated my presence, I sucked it up and got through it. Depends how close you are to the bride, and how much you want to support her really I suppose - she must have had a say in what's planned, so presumably is keen on the idea.
  • frugalmacdugalfrugalmacdugal Forumite
    8.7K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Forumite
    Hi,

    perhaps she thought, 'Oh I better invite Aegean, I know it's not her thing, but don't want to offend her by not asking'.

    If she knows it's not your thing, then I'm sure she'll understand and be happy to have you attend the wedding.
    Y'all take care now.
    happy0207.gif

  • AegeanAegean Forumite
    91 Posts
    Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, I really appreciate your honesty! I have been thinking if I could perhaps just spend the morning with her - I think I'll bring it up this weekend and see how she takes it. I really thought hen dos weren't her thing either so perhaps she'd appreciate a less blow-up-doll-themed morning!

    perhaps she thought, 'Oh I better invite Aegean, I know it's not her thing, but don't want to offend her by not asking'.

    Frugalmacdugal, you are a genius. I totally hadn't thought of that at all. I reckon you could be right there too!
    Goal: Debt-free by 01.12.16
    LET'S DO THIS! :D
    PAYDBX 2016 #120 £5,141.65 [STRIKE]£5,747.37 on 01.01.16[/STRIKE]
    £1 a Day #88 £80/£365
    Earnings from Quidco, surveys and found shrapnel: £21.36
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