Ex-MIL claims we owe her money - What to do?!

Lynxe

Hi all, I'm off the CAB over this in the coming days but thought I would test the water here before we went.

My current partner had a messy-ish split with her partner 13 months ago. They have a child. In November, his mother messaged my partner asking when she intended to pay the money partner owed her. This baffled partner, and she inquired as to what money. Turns out, she's attempting to claim back the nursery fees she paid when my partner was studying at uni (her son was working 7am-6pm daily). This was 2012-2013. There is also some money she wants back for a pushchair etc. This money was paid direct into my partners account and used to pay childcare. She has since text a number of times asking for the money.
My partner swears that there was no agreement, verbal or otherwise, that the money would be paid back. Certainly, MIL has nothing in writing to this effect, so at best she has a verbal agreement made 4 years ago.

Can she insist this is paid? She wants the full amount from partner, claiming nothing back from her son as she claims my partner abandonned her son after using him and the family for their childcare and a roof over her head while she trained in uni, and now she's qualified she has abandoned them. IF we do have to pay, can we insist on only paying half, as the support was offered to both parents (if that makes sense?)

Any help appreciated.

elsien

If she took your partner to the small claims court, could she prove the money is owed and not a gift? Any emails, texts o anything else discussed at the time that she has some sort of evidence for?
On the face of it, she doesn't seem to have a leg to stand on. Could she have anything to persuade a judge that she transferred the money and it was ‘more likely than not’ that the transfer of money was a loan rather than a gift?

Tigsteroonie

Your partner should either get a new mobile phone number or, if that's not feasible, download/invest in an app that blocks texts and calls on a number-by-number basis. I used an Android app called "Blacklist" when I had this problem.

Then at least the ex-MIL will have to do something concrete if she wants the money back, such as Small Claims, whereupon your partner will have the opportunity to put their case (such as they were in a relationship so any debt is shared, etc).

Lynxe

elsien wrote: »

If she took your partner to the small claims court, could she prove the money is owed and not a gift?
On the face of it, she doesn't seem to have a leg to stand on.

That's my thinking. My instinct is to tell her to go jump for it and to prove we actually owe it.

Lynxe

elsien wrote: »

Could she have anything to persuade a judge that she transferred the money and it was ‘more likely than not’ that the transfer of money was a loan rather than a gift?

I doubt this very much. There's nothing in writing, nothing exists to say it wasn't a gift.

Lynxe

There is a small problem we've just realised looking back - When she became pushy in texting, we replied with, essentially, we weren't in a position to discuss it (which was true, we were clawing out of significant debt after both being unemployed and trying to support a family) but we would contact her to "make arrangements" later - There is also a further text that says that we still aren't in a position to make payments and that we would begin paying back when we could.

I'm pretty sure from that we've made a terrible mistake and basically admitted that we agree it's a loan - Am I right in thinking that? We weren't as savvy then and just wanted her to stop harassing us.

TBagpuss

very unlikely. If she were to take your partner to court then she would have to satisfy the court that the money had been a loan, not a gift. Bearing in mind that there is (I assume) no history of any request for repayment, or any payments, prior to the separation, I think that a court would be likely to consider that the money was a gift, not a loan.

I think her opinions are either to ignore it completely, or (if she has not already done so) to send a single response simply stating "I do not owe you any money. I am shocked that you are trying to claim that gifts which were given to [son's name] and I 3 years ago were loans. I will not be responding to any further attempts to bully me into giving you money"

TBagpuss

Lynxe wrote: »

There is a small problem we've just realised looking back - When she became pushy in texting, we replied with, essentially, we weren't in a position to discuss it (which was true, we were clawing out of significant debt after both being unemployed and trying to support a family) but we would contact her to "make arrangements" later - There is also a further text that says that we still aren't in a position to make payments and that we would begin paying back when we could.

I'm pretty sure from that we've made a terrible mistake and basically admitted that we agree it's a loan - Am I right in thinking that? We weren't as savvy then and just wanted her to stop harassing us.

Well, it may not help. However, you could write a further letter and simply say that you felt intimidated by her harassment into making an offer to repay her gift, but having now reviewed the matter you realise that this will not be possible or appropriate, and that the money was given as a gift, to help support her grandchild, that it was used for that purpose and that there was never any suggestion from her, until long after the money was give, that it was anything other than a gift.

Keep a copy.

enthusiasticsaver

I think she would have trouble convincing a judge that this was anything other than a gift if there is nothing in writing. I would ignore it or respond along the lines of above to say you were under the impression it was given as a gift to your partner and their son to help with costs of childcare of their grandson. Sounds like a messy split. Do they and partner's ex have contact with the grandson?

Lynxe

TBagpuss wrote: »

Well, it may not help. However, you could write a further letter and simply say that you felt intimidated by her harassment into making an offer to repay her gift, but having now reviewed the matter you realise that this will not be possible or appropriate, and that the money was given as a gift, to help support her grandchild, that it was used for that purpose and that there was never any suggestion from her, until long after the money was give, that it was anything other than a gift.

Keep a copy.

Looking at the issue as a whole, when she first messaged us we were on better terms with the ex, and messaged him asking if he knew about it - His response was that he knew nothing and as far as he was concerned no one owed her anything, so that goes in our favour too.

God, family is so complex.

Lynxe

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

I think she would have trouble convincing a judge that this was anything other than a gift if there is nothing in writing. I would ignore it or respond along the lines of above to say you were under the impression it was given as a gift to your partner and their son to help with costs of childcare of their grandson. Sounds like a messy split. Do they and partner's ex have contact with the grandson?

It ebbs and flows in terms of messiness. We have quiet times and then everything kicks off again, a disagreement over childcare or raising child and it all blows up all over again. Right now it's peaceful though, long may it continue.