present?

firebird082

thriftylass wrote: »

I think asking for money as a wedding gift is like asking them to pay the wedding.

Isn't that the point? Every wedding I've been to since I've been an adult (15 years) has asked for cash in some form or other. If the couple don't need 'stuff' to set up their home together, then it's only fair that the attendees help pay for the wedding, no? As far as I understand it, that is how the tradition works!

Anyway, as for ideas, frankly anything even a little inventive and thoughtful will be well received I imagine - I like the £15/bottle of fizz idea above!

thriftylass

firebird082 wrote: »

Isn't that the point? Every wedding I've been to since I've been an adult (15 years) has asked for cash in some form or other. If the couple don't need 'stuff' to set up their home together, then it's only fair that the attendees help pay for the wedding, no? As far as I understand it, that is how the tradition works!

Anyway, as for ideas, frankly anything even a little inventive and thoughtful will be well received I imagine - I like the £15/bottle of fizz idea above!

I thought it maybe used to be tradition that the brides parents did that but nowadays. If I can't afford the 20k wedding I think it's rude to ask my guests to pay for it. Might as well send them a bill if the gift didn't cover their dinner costs.....:p

firebird082

True, but then we're spending less than 10k on ours, and whilst we can afford it (just!), it's nice that our guests will help us out with getting set for starting a family in return. I guess people just think differently about these things!

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Sorry - been floating around on another board

We're going because I've been "instructed" to by my mother

It's not just weddings I don't like giving money to, I avoid it for Birthdays and Christmas too.

I've managed to pick a few bits up, there was some nice candle holders and a sign that will go nice with their d!cor and my kids have made them something

It's already costing us £200ish to attend, and that's without the gift (Travel and accommodation)

As for who should pay for the wedding.... Well traditionally it was the father of the bride. In this case My aunt has paid for most of it. My gut feeling: If you can't afford a big wedding, you shouldn't have one. Quick hop down the registry office and be done with it. But then, I don't like the idea of getting married anyway

JimmyTheWig

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

Anyway - They asked everyone for money as a present. Now, I understand that its their choice what they ask for and I know many do BUT I don't give money, I hate it. I think its impersonal and its that situation of how much to give without being tight etc

Yes, it's their choice what to ask for and your choice what to give.

We asked for Ikea vouchers when we got married.
Lots of people got us some.
Lots of others gave us cash/a cheque.
Others gave vouchers for other places.
A few gave gifts.

11 years later I've got no idea who gave vouchers or cash, etc. But I do remember who gave what gift. We still use some of them now.
Make it something reasonably generic from a high street shop (e.g. Argos) so if they've already got one or really don't want it they can change it.
Chances are you'll be in the minority in not giving cash, so it's unlikely that lots of people will buy the same gift as you.
It's then up to them how they decide to perceive it. They can either be grateful or moan about you for it briefly. Doesn't sound like you're that close, though, so it shouldn't be a big deal either way.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

They can either be grateful or moan about you for it briefly

This is already happening (The moaning bit!)

Anatidaephobia

firebird082 wrote: »

Isn't that the point? Every wedding I've been to since I've been an adult (15 years) has asked for cash in some form or other. If the couple don't need 'stuff' to set up their home together, then it's only fair that the attendees help pay for the wedding, no? As far as I understand it, that is how the tradition works!

I don't agree that giving money as a wedding gift is therefore paying for the wedding, nor do I think that if a couple asks for money as a gift they are basically asking you to subsidise their wedding. I am happy to give money as a wedding gift and actually prefer it to giving an actual gift in most cases.

For most couples asking for money, I don't believe they view it as an opportunity to recoup wedding costs; I think they just genuinely don't need anything else and don't want to end up with fifteen kettles and eleven toasters when they already have one of each! If anything, money is most likely to be put towards their honeymoon.

Maybe I'm naive or fussing about with technicalities but I do believe that most couples are just grateful to receive any gift of money from their guests that they can put to good use; they are not comparing the gift to the amount it cost to invite that particular guest.

If it costs the guest a lot of money/time/travel to attend the wedding then they shouldn't feel pressured to give any expensive gift, maybe just a token gift if they wish to, because they have already given so much just to be there in the first place.

DigForVictory

Grit your teeth & club together with other family members so the cash given isn't obviously just from you.

Then go & enjoy teaching the children what their extended family look like - Blackmail/bribery for as many family snaps as you can, so that when Christmas cards come around they can put a face from a photo to the name on the card.

One cousin did this by betting her son that he couldn't get photos of him wearing 10 wedding hats, cue cute child appealing to all the prettiest ladies (in his opinion) if they would please let him wear their hat in a photo for a bet - he won the bet (easily), chattered to loads of relatives & the family album was stuffed with additional photos. Which could later be copied to the bride & groom for the unofficial wedding album.

You will be lucky to have more than a minutes speech with the bride, but hours with family - go & plan to have fun!

heartbreak_star

firebird082 wrote: »

Anyway, as for ideas, frankly anything even a little inventive and thoughtful will be well received I imagine - I like the £15/bottle of fizz idea above!

Thnak you the bride knew I couldn't afford much, but was delighted with the thought I'd put into presenting it

HBS x

rdone

Anatidaephobia wrote: »

I don't agree that giving money as a wedding gift is therefore paying for the wedding, nor do I think that if a couple asks for money as a gift they are basically asking you to subsidise their wedding. I am happy to give money as a wedding gift and actually prefer it to giving an actual gift in most cases.

For most couples asking for money, I don't believe they view it as an opportunity to recoup wedding costs; I think they just genuinely don't need anything else and don't want to end up with fifteen kettles and eleven toasters when they already have one of each! If anything, money is most likely to be put towards their honeymoon.

Maybe I'm naive or fussing about with technicalities but I do believe that most couples are just grateful to receive any gift of money from their guests that they can put to good use; they are not comparing the gift to the amount it cost to invite that particular guest.

If it costs the guest a lot of money/time/travel to attend the wedding then they shouldn't feel pressured to give any expensive gift, maybe just a token gift if they wish to, because they have already given so much just to be there in the first place.

This is exactly what I think. The trouble is, if you don't put anything about a gift/money in the invitation most people will ask and that just makes it more awkward.

As I say, we've written a poem saying out house is full but we just want you to bring happiness and cheer. If you really want to give a gift, money would be nice. (written a hell of a lot better obv). We won't be putting the money towards the wedding at all, it was our choice to get married and spend what we want, the money will go in a savings account for when we need it - whether it be towards children or a new house.